


Lucky 13

by Rose_Ann



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Also for now, And So Does Everyone Else, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Clay's mom ships clony., Clueless Clay, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, For now. - Freeform, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Oblivious Clay, One sided pining too, One-Sided Attraction, Panic Attacks, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic physical contact, Protectiveness, Sassy Skye, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow burn so slow that it almost doesn't move, Social Anxiety, Tony makes everything better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-10-15 20:10:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 49,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10556986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_Ann/pseuds/Rose_Ann
Summary: Tony and Clay navigate towards life together, while trying to make sense of the events after Hanna's suicide.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After finishing the show, I simply couldn’t stop thinking about the relationship between Clay and Tony. I found it to be very unique and refreshing (and very otp-like). This story will follow the events after the show and will consist of 13 chapters. I will say that (clony?) is endgame, but I’m not sure how much explicit their relationship will be. Also, there’s probably going to feature a longer passage of time, since I think that, for someone like Clay to fully understand this shift in dynamic, feelings wise, it would take some time.
> 
> This work has no beta, so all the mistakes are my own.  
> Hope you all enjoy it.

They drive to God-knows-where in silence. Tony more so than anyone of them. Clay thinks that he might be focusing on the way. That maybe he has a set destination burning on the back of his mind, and he’s trying to get them there. Safe. But he also knows Tony to have enough of a Messiah complex to hide anything that might hurt them.  
Through the rearview mirror he watches Skye, and there’s something on her eyes as she watches the road. There’s a glimpse of something he thinks he saw on Hanna once. Hope maybe. They are similar in many ways, they both had this wit about them, this fire. It seemed hard to put out, but as life has proved to them, not impossible. But he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. Hopefully, none of them would. This time, he would be a spark, and he was going to help ignite her fire. He would be a good friend, this time.

Clay starts recognizing some of the surroundings, and he swallows dry when he realizes where Tony is taking them. “Tony, I don’t—I can’t go there. Not again. It’s too soon.” 

Tony looks at him, worried. “There’s something I want you to see.” He says. “But if you really can’t do it, we can go back.”

Clay stops and looks around. The trees seem greener than the last time they took this path. He had come with Courtney to see Hanna’s grave, but she had left him there. She had her own demons to deal with. Panic had already began to spread at the realization that he stood once again, alone. With no one to talk to. Just like Hanna. Still, somehow, Tony was there. Like a shadow. He would never understand how he did it, why he was always just…there. But he was grateful either way. Tony had this way with people. He always knew what to do to help. Clay wanted to be like that one day. “Will you be there with me?”

“I will.”

They walk past a number of graves looking for hers. Tony’s boyfriend- what is his name again?- stays behind, walks much slower than the rest of them, allowing them to navigate together trough this. He seems patient and understanding, just like Tony, and Clay is happy he found someone like that. They could all use a little bit of support this days. He looks around and doesn’t find the distinctively unadorned grave he knows to be Hanna’s, and gives Tony a puzzled look.  
As usual, Clay is the last person to realize what is actually going on around him, and Tony gently holds his jaw, and turns it around to where he wants Clay to look.

There’s a headstone, it’s light gray and seems brand new. It looks rather simple at first, but a closer look reveals something unique about it. Just like Hanna. 

“I don’t need to be the water in the well.  
I don’t need to be the well.  
But I would like not to be the ground anymore.”

He can hardly contain the tears. He doesn’t want to really, has no shame in them anymore. All Hanna ever wanted, was to be listened. “Is this from…”

“Hanna’s poem, yes. It was a good thing that you gave it to her mom.” 

“You think so? I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing or not.”

“We never do, Clay.” He says, referring also about his own actions. “We can only do what our hearts tells us to, and then pray for the best.” 

“Is this what you do?” he asks. 

“Always.”

“Sounds like a good plan, then.”

They stay for a while looking at her grave. Skye seems particularly pensive, and Clay thinks that she might be saying goodbye to Hanna. But he can’t do that just yet. There are still things he needs to do before letting her memory go. They leave before it gets dark, and Tony takes Brad home first. He leans down and kisses Tony goodbye, lightly. When he looks at the passenger’s seat Clay has his big blue eyes set on him, staring. He doesn’t know what to make of it exactly, but soon after that Clay smiles, so he thinks it’s not something to be concerned about. After that they drop by Skye’s, and as usual, she is quick on her goodbyes. 

“Hey,” Clay says to Skye before she gets inside. She turns back at him, still looking slightly uninterested, but serene. “Jeff called you Twilight one time, and I didn’t say anything.”

“So?” she says, being true to her sarcastic ways.

“I don’t think he meant it to hurt you, but it was kinda mean.” 

“You don’t have to apologize for him, Clay.”

“I know I don’t, it’s just…that day, you didn’t see the best of him. He was a good person.” She nods. “Also, after that, he said he thought you were beautiful.” He stops. “I think so to.” 

Skye tries to hide a small smile. She knows that Clay is trying his best to avoid any more misunderstandings. She knows that, deep down, he’s afraid that what happened to Hanna, might happen to her. “Thanks, Clay. But to he honest…I kinda like Twilight.” Clay makes a surprised expression, followed by a small chuckle. “I mean, not the part were they sparkled and stuff, but the story was ok. That werewolf guy was kinda hot too.” 

“He was.” Tony agrees, and winks at her. “Good, night Skye. Sleep tight.” 

“You too, guys.” 

Tony starts the car once again, and drives towards Clay’s house. They’re not far from there. Before Clay even realizes, they are parked in front of his house.

“This is you, Clay.” 

“Oh, right. Thanks.” He opens the door, puts one foot out, and the stops. “Hey, you think you could take me to the park again?” 

“Sure.” Is all Tony offers as an answer. He doesn’t need to say much. 

They reach the park, and the whole place seems to be frozen in time. Just like the last time he saw it. Just like Hanna used to see it. Clay walks towards the swings, and is soon followed by Tony. They swing, side by side, slowly. 

“She had her first kiss here. Like she wanted.” He tells Tony, for a split-second forgetting that he already knows. Probably knew even before the tapes. They were good friends after all. “What about yours?” 

“Wasn’t here.” Clay gives him a side-eyed look, like this isn’t what he is asking, and Tony smiles. He likes to see his friend showing other emotions aside from sadness. “My cousin Antonia. She chased me around the house the whole day until she kissed me.” 

“You liked her?”

“I was six, Clay. And she was a girl, so…” 

Curiosity spikes inside of him. “You always knew about…” he trails off, hoping that Tony will stop him before it gets uncomfortable.

“That I was gay?” he nods. “Maybe. I didn’t know I was into boys, but I did know I wasn’t into girls.” Clay nods again, absentmindedly, and Tony wonders what is going trough his mind. “You?”

“I didn’t know you were into boys either.” 

Tony has to laugh at that. Such a classic Clay thing to say. “No, I mean, what about you? Your first kiss?” 

“Ah, it was Skye, actually. We were kids too.” 

“Same question for you.” 

“I don’t think I liked her that way, but I liked her enough to be happy about it. She was my best friend.” He says the last part with a hint of bitterness, and Tony feels the sudden urge to comfort him.

“She can still be. There’s still time.” He says, while gently squeezing Clay’s shoulder. 

“I know. She can be my other best friend then.” 

Clay gets up, and dusts some leftover sand from his jeans. Maybe it’s time to go home already. His parents are expecting a lot of explanations, and he needs to be prepared for that. Tony stands by his side, and he wonders if his friend has gotten any taller in the last few days. Somehow, he feels like a giant now. Always towering over Clay, protecting his fair skin from the harsh sun. From other harsh things too. “Hey, did you get bigger?”

“Really, Clay? Body shaming?” he teases his friend.

“No, not like that! I mean, did you get taller?” he clarifies. 

“Sadly, no. But it can still happen. All the guys in my family are tall. Besides, Skye didn’t make any predictions about my height, so I take this as a good sign.” 

“Well, I’ll be 5’9’' forever, so you’ll have some years to catch up.” 

“I will. You just wait and see.” Clay smiles at him, and gives one last look at the park. “Ready to go?” 

“Not really. Don’t know what will happen when I tell my parents about all of this.”He confesses.

“You need to give them a chance, Clay. They might not understand it at first, but I’m sure they’ll try to.” 

They walk in silence towards the car, and get in without looking at each other. They have this…unspoken agreement between them, where they don’t need to talk all the time. They can be in silence and still enjoy each other’s company. The drive is calm, and rather uneventful, and soon enough, they are parked in front of Clay’s house again. 

“Here we are, again.” Tony looks at Clay, and waits for him to say goodbye and get inside his house. But he doesn’t. There’s something echoing inside his mind. A restless concern that doesn’t want to go again. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.” 

Clay looks a him, and Tony never knew his eyes to be that blue. Like deep sea and sapphire mixed together. “What—what happens now, Tony? I mean…what we do now?”

Tony smiles at him. It’s brief and simple, but shows small lines in the corner of his eyes, that Clay thinks he got for worrying too much too soon. “The only thing that we can, Clay. We live.”

Clay, looks back at him, the smile has left his lips, but his eyes are still bright. “It was what Hanna would’ve wanted?”

“It was what Hanna would’ve wanted.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay has trouble dealing with Hanna's absence, and Tony decides to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone. I'm really happy to see your response to this fic, and also to see another clony fics (I want to read what you do as well)   
> You all have given me really good pointers about the story and the characters,and I always enjoy reading your comments. I dunno why but the italic always goes away once I paste the chapter, so if any of you know how to make it stay, please let know. I would love to know that. It kills me to think about you guys reading certain words without intent. (read intent with italic btw.)
> 
> As per yuzh, all mistakes are mine, and I own nothing but the clothes in my body, and some books on my shelf.   
> Hope you like it <3

Clay has been tossing and turning in bed for about two yours when he finally decides to give up sleeping. At least for that night. There’s no point in trying to sleep when he knows he will have nightmares about her. One downside about the tapes, is that now Hanna’s voice is so vivid inside his head, that sometimes he thinks he can hear her speaking to him. At first, it started just after he had listened to one of the tapes, so he tries to convince himself that is only some kind of residual noise from what she recorded.   
But then, after that, he starts dreaming about her. Every night. When it’s late at night, and the house is dead silent, he thinks that he can hear Hanna’s laugh coming from outside of his window. He tries to fight the urge to look, but he always does anyways. She’s never there. Hanna is dead, he thinks, she’s not talking to you. Maybe he’s just slowly going insane. Losing little bits of his sanity every passing day. Maybe he should just takes the pills his parents offered him. Aren’t they supposed to make him feel better? Aren’t they supposed to make him forget about everything? 

He hears a faint whisper coming with the wind, and he can swear that it sounds exactly like Hanna calling his name. Panic starts to rise from within, and before he can even realize what’s he’s doing, he’s already with the phone glued to his ear, calling Tony. It’s 4 AM, and he has no hope of Tony being awake, but then he picks up after the second beep, and Clay releases a breath he never knew he was holding. 

“Clay, you ok?” his voice is worried, but also a little slow, like he was, somehow, still sleeping. 

There’s a long pause, and Clay doesn’t know exactly what to say. Doesn’t know how to explain what he is feeling, without making look like he has completely lost his shit. He remembers what Skye said to him a couple of weeks ago, and a brief wave of reassurance takes over. At least just long enough for him to be able to talk to Tony. “I—no Tony, I’m not.” He pauses again. For what is worth, he will ask for help. “I think I’m going crazy, Tony. Like hearing things crazy.” 

“Clay…what you mean?” 

“I keep…hearing…Hanna’s voice.” 

“Like in the tapes?”

“No, like hearing her voice. Like I’m hearing yours now. Like we’re talking, her and I.”

Tony pauses for a second, and tries to digest fully what Clay said. He doesn’t want to risk saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. “Clay, I don’t think you’re going crazy. I think you miss her. A lot.” 

“Yeah, but like, this can’t be normal, Tony. It just can’t. And I keep having this nightmares too. All the time.” 

“Have you been sleeping alright this days?”

“Yeah, I guess. I mean, I don’t know, maybe. What day is today again?” 

Tony sights heavily, but away from the phone, so Clay won’t wear him. “Hey, can you meet me outside in like…fifteen minutes?” 

Clay looks at the clock on his nightstand. “It’s almost 5 AM.”

“There’s still 30 until five, and I know.” Clay goes silent, and Tony knows that he is trying to decide what to do. “It’s just…there’s this place I wanna go to, and I was wondering if you could go with me.” He knows that if Clay thinks that he is imposing something on Tony, he won’t go.

“Oh…ok then. But wait for me in street corner, by the mail box? I don’t want my parents to wake up.”

“Sure.” 

Clay grabs the first article of clothing he can find in front of him. Unsurprisingly, is a gray shirt, pared with a navy blue hoodie. Distantly, he remembers that is the same outfit he was wearing on the day he climbed the rock with Tony. He decides that the combination will be his go to for unknown escapades with him. It’s practical and comfy, so it’ll do. He goes down his window with surgical precision so his parents won’t wake up. Soon enough he’s at the designate spot, waiting for Tony to arrive. He can see the red car approaching in the distance. Slowly and gracefully, like a cat. He parks right beside the mail box, like Clay asked him too, and he gets inside. 

“So, you ready?” 

Clay looks at him, and laughs a little. It’s 5 AM, but Tony has his usual ‘Danny Zuko outfit of the day’ look, on point. “Isn’t too early to wear a leather jacket?” 

“It’s never too early for a leather jacket, Clay. Never too late either.” He adds. 

“You weren’t using one on the day we went on that hike.” 

“Yeah, that’s because we were going to climb a rock. No one climbs rocks with leather jackets.” 

“Why not? Is it against the climbing rules?” 

“No, but it would destroy the leather, and probably make you fall in the process.” 

Clay shrugs, like he isn’t that interested about either of those things. He doesn’t own a leather jacket, and doesn’t plan to ever use one while hiking. Or climbing. He turns his attention to the window and the view as they make their way to… “Where are we going again?” 

“You’ll see.” 

They arrive at the beach 15 minutes after that. The sun is about to rise, so Tony is very particular about them settling on the sand before it does. He says that seeing the sunrise and the sunset on a beach, are two things that everyone should do at least one time a year. Clay has never seen either before, so he thinks it would be a good thing after all. He watches as the sky changes from tones of blue and purple to magenta, and then orange, and then blue again. Just immense, endless blue. Like his eyes. Like Hanna’s. “This was…” His throat is dry from amazement, and Tony looks at him, nods and smiles. There’s a certain smugness he tries to hide, but is there. Lingering beneath the curve of his lips. He knows he did good, and Clay isn’t sure if he wants to hug Tony, or be low-key mad at him for always knowing things about him, that Clay himself didn’t know. 

 

Suddenly, he looks at Tony, and his expression has gotten surprisingly serious. So he worries with him. “I have nightmares about her too, you know? There are bad nights where I see her in the tub. And she’s just there. Staring at me. Bleeding. Sad.” He takes a deep breath, like the memory is still too fresh for him to talk about it. Like the wound is still wide open, inflamed, and the sea breeze is too salty to rest on top of it. “But there are other nights, the good ones, where I dream about other things.” He looks at Clay and smiles. Tries to make his frown go away. “It’s all about balance, Clay.” 

Tony is staring at the waves when he feels the ghost of Clay’s fingers gently brushing against his fingers. He is struck by the touch, but tries to remain as calm as possible. He doesn’t want Clay to think that his touch is somehow unwanted. It isn’t. If anything, Tony wished it would never stop. But he pushes those feelings down. For now. “Does is hurt?” Tony looks at him, confused. But when he follows the motion, and sees that Clay’s fingertips are resting on top of his scraped knuckles, he understands the question. He shakes his head, but doesn’t pull his hand. Clay’s fingers are gone in a matter of seconds, anyway. “Do you guys always beat—you guys always fight like that?” 

“Sometimes. My family is really big on protecting our people, so…” 

“But…you like to fight?” 

“I hate it, actually. I’m more of a ‘talk things through’ kinda guy.” He stops and looks at the sea again. “Problem is, sometimes talking doesn’t make things right.” 

Clay joins him on their ‘sea appreciation time’, and they stare at the sight in front of them in silence. But then Clay makes a small noise, and turns to him, like he just remembered something. “Hey…am I your people?” 

He smiles. Clay can be really dense when it comes to seeing things that are right in front of him. But he doesn’t holds it against him. It’s part of what makes Clay be…Clay. “You are, Clay. You’re family to me.” 

“What about Brad?”

“I can’t say he’s family, exactly. I mean, I wouldn’t do the things I do to him if he was.” He jokes, but it goes completely over Clay’s head. He has that look on his face, like he’s trying to finish a puzzle with a piece that doesn’t fit, and Tony knows he will have to explain it to him. “Sex, Clay. I’m talking about sex.” 

“Oh. Oh, I got it now. Cause if he was family, you wouldn’t have sex with him. Cause is gross.” 

“Yes, Clay. That’s why.” 

“But, you know, we learned in history one time, that a lot os dynasties had royal intermarriage to keep the linage pure, and to make sure the power would remain in the family.” 

“So?” 

“So…they would have sex with people from their family. You know, for…reasons…” 

“Well, we’re not royals.” He lifts his hand and brushes his calloused fingers against Clay’s wounded forehead. “What about here? Still hurts?” 

Commanded by reflex, Clay touches his forehead, and their fingers brush against each other, ever so slightly, but still lasts as long as eternity. “Not as much as before. My ribs still hurt from where Bryce hit me, though.” 

“If you want, me and my boys can ‘not talk’ to him for you.” He winks.

Clay laughs loudly at that. “Your boys? What are you, a Italian mobster?” 

“You know I’m latino, right?” 

Clay rolls his eyes, in fake annoyance. “ I do. But I don’t want you guys to get into trouble because of this. I want Bryce to pay for what he did, but I want him to know what he’s paying for.” 

“We could do like in game of thrones. We could beat him, and scream ’shame’ over and over again.” 

“I appreciate the intention, but I’m aiming for jail. Guys like Bryce only get things when shit really goes down. I don’t know if he’ll ever be sorry for what he did, but being locked up because of it sounds good to me.” Tony takes a small white tub from his backpack and holds it in front of Clay. “Who is that for?” 

“You don’t know what sunscreen is for?” Tony asks, still holding the tub for Clay to get. 

“I know what is for, I’m asking who’s for?” 

“Gee, I don’t know, Clay. Which one of us is as white as a piece of paper?” 

“You know…just because you have more melanin than I do, doesn’t mean you immune to sun.” 

Tony sighs. When did Clay become so stubborn? “If I use it, will you use it too?” he asks, already putting the lotion all over his brown complexion. Clay nods, gets a small amount of product, and spreads sloppily over his face. When Tony looks at him, he can see uneven patches of white all over his face. Hi sighs once again, but with more humor this time. “Clay, don’t you know how to put sunscreen? You won’t get any protection this way!” He reaches up and starts to spread the product evenly. “You have to blend, blend blend, Clay.” 

“Got it. Blend, blend, blend.” He mocks Tony, as he continues to disperse the lotion. 

“There. Done.” He says once he’s finish. 

“Hey, Tony,” Tony looks at him, eyebrow slightly raised, in question. “I take back what I said before.” 

“About royals having sex because of…reasons?” 

“No, not that. And I wasn’t the one who said that, by the way. It was history. I’m talking about you being a unhelpful Yoda. You’re actually a very helpful Yoda.” 

“So…just a Yoda?” Clay laughs while he checks the time on his phone. They should go back soon, if he doesn’t want his parents to find about about their escaped. “I still think that this is just your way of saying that I’m short.” 

“It’s not.” He reassures Tony, and tries to think of other wise and helpful characters to point out. “Oh, what about the Dungeon Master? He’s like…mad wise. Totally helpful.” 

“Sure, the guy that abandoned those kids in the middle of nowhere, and by the way, is probably even smaller than Yoda.” 

He gives Clay a child-like small. “Well, you know what people say about small things, don’t you?” 

“…that they can fit on the palm of your hand?” 

“No!” he shakes his head. “That good things come in small doses. Hence…you.”

Tony is glad that his brown complexion doesn’t let the blush on his face show. He knows that there isn’t any hidden meaning behind Clay’s words. He knows that this isn’t him flirting, but he is happy about it either way. “This is a saying about good things, not small things, Clay.” 

“Well, small equals good.” He starts. “And you’re small…and good, so…wait, what?” 

“I got, Clay. Thanks. I’m small, but helpful.” 

“And good.” He adds.

“Yes, and good.” He gets up and dusts off the sand from his pants. “Now let’s go, Luke, let’s get you home before Vader wakes up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who would've known that I'm such a slut for good wholesome fluff, hu?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay drops by Monet's to talk to Skye, and a misunderstand makes Tony believe that Clay is mad at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, everyone. How are you liking the story so far?   
> There's a trigger warning for this chapter (panic attacks) so if this is something you're not comfortable with it, please be aware. And be safe too.   
> I would love to hear your thoughts and comments about the story, so feel free to ask.
> 
> Again, my mistakes are my own, bla bla bla, I own nothing.   
> Enjoy <3 
> 
> ps. did anyone else thought it was kinda strange how some of the students had like, a lot of tattoos? I mean, I'm not from the US, but aren't schools like really strict with the way the students dress or something? I dunno, tell me what you think about it.

Skye sighs as she finishes preparing two of the seven pumpkin spice lattes she has to do for the entourage of girls that just arrived at Monet’s. It had been a relatively calm month at work, until Marisa, the owner, had the brilliant idea to include the off-season beverage to attract Starbucks-lovers to their small coffee shop. She had been slowly going insane every since. One pumpkin caffeinated beverage at time. Maybe she should also be inspired by the chain, and write the completely misspell names of the costumers, on their mugs. That outta make the day much better. Or at least funnier. 

“Hum, Skye…? She hears Clay’s voice coming from behind her.

“Oh, hi Clay, grabbing a coffe? 

“Hum, not really, no. I was just passing by, and I saw you inside, and thought that maybe you wanted to hang out or something.” 

She looks around at her half made orders, and then back at Clay again. He seems oblivious to the message she’s trying to send. As usual. “I’m in the middle of my shift, Clay.”

As if just realizing how silly his request was, Clay smacks himself in the forehead lightly. “Oh, of course, that was…of course. I…we can talk later.” 

He turns around to leave, but she calls his name before he can go. “Actually, I can take my break now.” She gives a side-eye look at the sea of girls in the table on the corner. “God knows I need one.” She takes her apron off, grabs two blueberry muffins, and sits on a table in the opposite direction of the one the girls are sitting in. Clay follows her, and sits by her side in silence. “Blueberry still your favorite?” she asks, putting the muffing in front o him. He nods and smiles at her. He didn’t think she would still remember. 

“What’s with all the Regina Georges over there?” he asks, once they have settle on the table.

Skye laughs at his comment. It’s unusual to see Clay using reverences that aren’t from Lord of the Rings, or Star Wars, but she likes that he is expanding his arsenal of joke motives. “Marisa had the brilliant idea of introducing Pumpkin Spice Lattes in the menu, that we call ‘Posh Spice’, by the way, cause we’re not allowed to use the same name.” She releases a heavy, tired breath. “And we have been infested with those ‘trend finders’ ever since. People who pay 10 bucks for a cup of coffee are the worst.” 

“Hey,” he protests. “I come here all the time. Tony too.” 

“Yeah, but you guys only drink cappuccinos, and sometimes you don’t even pay, cause I don’t charge you.” She stops, and looks around. “Speaking of Tony, where’s he by the way?”

“I’m not sure, but I think he’s with Brad today. Why?”

“Nothing, it’s just that you guys are always together. Kinda strange when you’re not.” His eyes wander from side to side, like he’s deciding whether or not he should tell her something. “What is it?” 

“Brad was upset with him. He thinks we spend too much time together.” He says.

“He jealous?”

“I guess…but he shouldn’t be, right? I mean, Tony and I are just friends. He doesn’t have to be jealous…right?” 

“It doesn’t work like that, Clay. I don’t think he’s jealous of the role you have on Tony’s life, but at how important it is. And to be fair, you guys do spend a lot of time together. I not saying I agree with it, but I can understand why he’s jealous.” 

“You think I should stop hanging out with him?” he asks, worried. He doesn’t want to jeopardize Tony’s relationship with Brad. But he also doesn’t want to stop being friends with Tony.

“No, I didn’t say that. I just think that he, not you, you’re not the boyfriend, should find time to spend with Brad.” Clay looks down at his half-eaten muffin, and Skye thinks she might have hit a nerve. “Don’t be upset. You want a cappuccino? Is on the house.” She offers, trying to cheer him up. 

“You should’t do that, by the way. You gonna end up getting into trouble.” He takes a bite from his blueberry muffin. “And besides, I can pay for the things I eat here.” 

“Oh, really? So I guess I can charge you for this muffin that you’re eating.” 

“…I can pay for the things that I eat here…after this delicious blueberry muffin. And probably the one that I will take home, because I don’t have enough money with me right now. But that is it!” 

“If you say so.” She mocks him, and continues to eat her muffin. She watches Clay as he tries to chew almost half of the muffin at once, but his mouth seems too small, so he ends up looking like one of those tiny hamsters storing food on their mouths. “You have been coming here a lot lately, haven’t you?” he nods, still trying to swallow the rest of the muffin. “How are things back home?” 

“Mom is going to lose the case because of me.” He admits, ashamed. 

Skye rests her hand on top os his, and squeezes gently. “She’s not going to lose the case because of you, Clay. She’s going to lose because the school had a job they didn’t do correctly. That’s why.”

“She still loses anyway. And is going to be my fault, because she asked me before she got the case if I knew something, but I didn’t say anything.”

“You weren’t ready.” She reassures him.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be. And that’s the problem.” 

“It’s still too soon, Clay. For all of us. We all have shit to deal with, and we need time to do that. So give yourself that time, okay?” Clay nods, and offers her a small smile in return. “Good.” 

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Skye nods. “Is about tattoos—” 

“—Is resident goody two shoes Clay Jensen, thinking about getting a tattoo?” she interrupts him. “Color me shocked! Shocked!”

“No, that’s not it. I just…we’ve been distant for a while, and I realized that I never got to talk to you about your tattoos. You know, the meaning and stuff.” 

“Oh, got it. Well, if you really wanna know,” Clay nods and she smiles. It was a rhetorical question, but Clay has the tendency to be very literal about things. “Hum, after my dad died two years ago, I went to the bad place…very often.” She took a deep breath. Thinking about his absence still made her ache all over. “So what I did was…every time I felt like I…couldn’t go on, I thought about a reason why I should stay. Like every time someone told me I was worthless, I thought about a time someone showed me how especial I was. And I turned every one of those reasons into a tattoo, so I can remind myself about them every time I see myself in the mirror.” 

Clay stops and briefly looks at all the exposed bits of skin he can see. He can count at least ten tattoos overall. He swallows dry, imagining just how much she must had suffered this past years, and his heart aches for her. He suddenly remembers the conversation they had weeks ago, just after Hanna’s death, and his eyes wander trough her neck. “So…the purple alligator…”

“The first one.” She confirms. “In a way, I think I’m still looking for it. It’s exhausting, but the search distracts me from others things, I guess…” 

“I’m sure you’ll find it one day.” He reassures her, with a warm yet shy smile. 

“Thanks, Clay.” She checks the time on her phone, and realizes that her break ended about seven minutes ago. When she looks back at the counter, Marisa is giving her the stink eye, and she fights the urge to role her eyes at her. “I should get—“ she tops when she sees Tony and Brad getting inside. “Look, Tony and Brad just got in.” 

Clay looks back and sees the exact moment when Tony notices his presence. He smiles and starts walking towards them, and Brad follows. He reaches the table within seconds “Clay, I didn’t know you were here.” He greets him with a hand on his shoulder. “You still on your break, Skye? We could all have a cappuccino and talk.” 

“My break ended ten minutes ago. Sorry.” She apologizes, and gets up from the table. “But I’m still up for that movie tomorrow. Will probably get just before it starts, but I’ll be there.” She smiles one last time, and goes back to work. 

Clay remains on his chair, awkwardly waiting for either of them to say something. “So Clay, will you join us them?” Tony asks while sitting on the table, but Brad remains silent. 

He’s not usually the best at picking up people’s vibes, but he can definitely tell that Brad is a little disappointed that they ran into him. “Hum, actually…I have to go too. I’m technically still grounded, so I shouldn’t even be here in the first place.” 

“Oh, that’s ok then. But you’re going to the movies tomorrow right?” 

“Again, grounded. But we’ll se each other Monday on school, right?” Tony doesn’t seem all to happy about it, but he nods either way. “Cool. You guys have fun. Bye.” And with that, he leaves. 

 

* * *

Later that night, Clay is stuck in the house, babysitting his neighbor’s five year old, as part of his punishment for…he wasn’t ever sure anymore. He knows absolutely nothing about girls, let alone those of that age, but luckily Alice is as calm as they get, so he doesn’t have much to worry about.   
She appreciates the simple things in life, like overly colorful cartoons, and Disney princesses, so Clay knows that a make-believe tea party with Snow White and Spongebob Square Pants, is bound to happen.  
He is running around with Alice on his arms, playing airplane, when the doorbell rings. He looks back at the clock on the living room wall. It’s not even 7 PM. Anna’s is early to pick her up. “Your mom is here, Alice.” He tries to put her down, but she has her tiny arms locked around his neck, so he gives up. She’ll let him go when she sees her mom.   
He opens the door, only to find Tony on the other side. 

Tony has a brief moment o shock, as he stares at both Clay and the little girl on his arms. “How long was I away?” 

Clay looks at him, confused, but then he gets it. “Oh, this is Alice. She’s Anna’s daughter.” Tony answers him with a puzzled look. “Our neighbor. She was our substitute teacher once. This is her daughter.”

“What’s she doing here?” the doubt remains. 

“I’m babysitting her for the night.” He covers both of her tiny ears with his hands. “As part of my punishment.”

“Oh, okay.” There’s a brief moment of silence, and they just stare at each other. “Hum, can I come in? I wanted to talk to you, but if you’re busy—“ 

“Oh, sure.” He says before Tony can finish. “Come in. Sorry.” Tony closes the door behind them, and then follows Clay to the living room. “Do you mind if we stay down here? I don’t want to take any risks with her and the stairs.” 

Tony nods and they both sit on the floor beside her. They watch in silence as she plays with her crayons, but doesn’t really uses them to draw. Clay thinks that she is very peaceful to look at, but when he looks back at Tony, he has his dark eyes cast on him. Staring. “Are you mad at me?” Tony asks, having trouble to even spill the words out. 

“What—what made you—no, I’m not. Why would you think that?” 

“It’s just…today at Monet’s, you totally blew me off. You and Skye were talking, and as soon as I got there, you just…I mean…if I did something to upset you, I’m sorry, man. I really am.” 

“Tony, no. You didn’t—I’m not mad at you.” 

“So, why—what was that?” 

“It’s just…I didn’t want to get in the way.” He finally admits.

“I don’t understand.” 

“You and Brad.” He starts. “You said that he was upset with you, cause you weren’t spending much time together. I didn’t want to get in the way.” 

“Why would you think that?” 

“Because…it’s true. You guys are dating, and you need to have time to just…date. Without me to spoil the romance.” 

“Why would you spoil the romance?” 

“First, because I’m not romantic, and second, because any third person would spoil the romance between other two. These are the facts of life, Tony.” 

“Clay…I appreciate your concern, but you don’t have to worry about that. Brad is my boyfriend, and if we have problems, I’m the one who needs to resolve them. Not you. Besides, he’s not upset anymore. We’re good now.” 

Tony goes back playing with Alice while Clay studies his expression every now and them. He’s not exactly the poster boy for emotional awareness, but if there’s one person he thinks he can read sometimes, is Tony. “Hey, can I ask you something?” 

Tony sighed. Clay had this thing where he always needed to be reassured that what he was doing was ok. “Clay…you don’t have to ask me if you can ask me something, every time you want to ask me something.” 

“So how am I supposed to know if I can ask you something?” 

“You can just ask the thing you want to ask me, and if I don’t want to answer, I’ll say ‘I don’t want to answer that.”

“Hum, that could work.”

Tony nodded, and waited for Clay to go on with his question. He didn’t. “That’s the part where you ask me.” 

Clay looked at Alice, and then back at Tony. “Do you wanna have kids?” 

Tony had to control his lips so he would’t give the biggest smile of his life. “Hum, sure, I do. But I think we should at least kiss first. You know, to make sure we’re compatible and stuff…” 

Clay rolled his eyes at him. “I don’t mean with me. I mean…eventually.” 

“Oh, sorry. My bad.” He teases hi. “I do. I come from a big family, so it would be strange for me not to have a house full of kids” 

Clay makes squinty eyes at him. “How many kids are we talking about?”

“I don’t know. I’m not saying I want to have like, ten kids, but four, five…something like that.” 

“That’s a lot of kids, Tony. A. Lot. How are you even going to manage all that?”

“Well, I don’t see myself getting pregnant anytime soon, so I would probably adopt.” 

“You could have it with someone, like a friend. Some gay guys do that right?” Tony nods, and Clay goes wide eyed, like he just had the world’s best idea. “You and Skye could have babies together!” 

Tony laughs loudly. Only Clay could think os something like that. “Skye would probably murder me in my sleep, before she would let me touch her. No way.” He stops and plays a little with Alice. “You and Skye could have babies together, though.” 

“Oh, I don’t think so. Besides, I’m not even sure if I even want to have kids. Ever.” 

“Why?” he asks and Clay shrugs in response. “Because of Hanna?” 

“I guess. I mean…what if I don’t pay enough attention to them?” Hanna’s words about people not caring enough come to mind. Even though her parents loved her more than anything, she still felt like she wasn’t heard. Like she was invisible. No matter how much you loved someone, sometimes just loving them wasn’t enough. “I mean…sometimes…I can’t even say to people how I feel about them. Hanna—I didn’t—What if I have a kid, and they think I don’t love them? What if they hate me?” what is… Clay feels like his heart is about to jump out of his ribcage. From all the times for him to have a panic attack, he had to have one just when he was in charge of taking care of someone else. 

“Clay, just be calm, okay?” Tony gently rests both hands on Clay’s face. Doesn’t really hold it. Just calmly touches his face, so he’ll know that he’s there. That he wants to help. “Just focus on my voice…can you do that?” Clay’s chest is going up and down frantically, but he doesn’t seem to be able to get the air he so desperately needs. Tony moves one of his hands to Clay’s chest, right on top of his heart, and then holds one of Clay’s hands on top of his own “ Clay, just focus on my hand, okay? Let’s go together.” He inhales deeply, but slowly, so Clay can mimic his movements. “In and out. Slowly. In and out.” Ever so slowly, Clay seems to be calming down. Breathing almost as normally as Tony. “That’s it, Clay. You can do this. We can do this.” Clay releases a final deep breath, and with that, he is calm. Tony digs his palms on his jeans, hard, so Clay won’t notice that he’s actually shaking. That he has never been more terrified on his life. “You okay?” Clays seems to still be a little out of it, but nods anyway. 

Clays shakes his head slowly, like he’s still trying to gather his thoughts. “Im, sorry, I—“ 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.” 

“I’m such a fucking mess. I can’t do anything by myself.” He confesses, if possible feeling even more venerable than before. 

“Guess what? We’re all messed up, Clay. Life’s messed up. But you know the one thing that makes life easier?” Clay knows this to be a rhetorical question, so he doesn’t say anything. Just looks at Tony and waits for him to finish. “People. If we have someone by our side, we can get by. You’ll see.” 

“Will you be by my side then?” he asks, a little unsure and confused, but still, somehow, hopeful. 

“Always.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Clay wait for Skye at the theatre, but a uninvited presence almost ruins their night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, people, how are we doing tday? 
> 
> I feel like I'm repeating myself on these notes, but really I dunno what more to say.   
> Some of you asked for my tumblr, so I'll leave it in the notes from now on, just in case.   
> www.tumblr.com/blog/theindigorose  
> We can talk about Clony, or shows or even the weather if you guys want. I'm game.   
> Also, let me know what you think about the pace of the story. I don't want to rush anything, but I feel like it's lacking a little more of action. Maybe some drama, I dunno. Let me know what you guys think.
> 
> Enjoy <3

They are waiting outside the theater, no the one he and Hanna used to work at, when they see Bryce passing by with a petite girl, arm wrapped around her slim shoulders, and shit-eating grin branded on his face. Clay’s blood is boiling inside his veins the second he sees his classmate. Even with the fucking tapes, even with the one with his confession on it, he was still walking around like nothing happened. Free of charge. In the eyes of the law Bryce was just a good kid, no prior record, from a good family, that had made the mistake of misreading someone’s signs. There would still be a investigation, the lawsuit made sure that happened, but for now, Bryce was not implicated whatsoever. Just like Tony had said, it was open season on Hanna Baker all over again. And it had been his fault. Even after her death, people were still calling her names. Questioning everything that she had said, just because he, and the others, were too afraid to speak up on her behalf. All but Tony. He was the only one that had always been there for her. Even after she died. 

Bryce and the girl stop nearby to buy popcorn. He leans in, whispers something on the girl’s ear, turns around and starts walking towards them. With that same damn smile on his face.

“Be cool, Clay. Be cool.” Tony says to him, quietly. 

“I’m nothing but cool and collected.” He reassures Tony, but without taking his eyes of Bryce. There’s a fire in them that Tony doesn’t like. 

“Hey guys, enjoying the night?” Bryce offers his closed fist for them to bump, but neither of them move. 

“Were until just now.” Clay says, looking right at him. “You’ve got some fucking nerve coming to talk to us.” Tony sighs. So much for being cool and collected. 

“Clay, my man, don’t be like this. We could be friends, you and I.” 

Clay squeezes his fist until his knuckles go white, and Tony holds his arm lightly, so he won’t do anything stupid. “Go back to your date, Bryce.” Tony says, with a very calm tone, but Bryce can tell that there’s an edge underneath. 

Still, he’s not ready to let them be just yet. There’s a part o him that always wanted to see Tony loosing his temper. Always wondered how he would look like if someone pushed all the wrongs buttons in the right way. “That’s a really cool jacket, Tony.” He says while running his hand trough the soft leather. “I mean, no homo and shit, but…you’re one nice dressed dude.” 

“I’m homo all the way, so…” Tony says at him, looking dead serious, and slightly intimidating. 

“That’s too bad, man. I could get you some nice pussy.” He looks back and winks at the blond girl waiting for him. Only if she knew.

“No, thanks, Bryce. We all know just how you get your pussy.” Clay says, this time.

Bryce shrugs, like he was just trying to help, and leaves, still completely unfazed by all the things he heard. All the things he done. “I swear to you, Tony,” he stops.” Sometimes I just feel like…cutting his fucking balls off, or something.” 

“You wouldn’t.” Tony says to him. “Your rage wouldn’t last long enough to cut even one of his balls off. Let alone the two of them.” He looks at Clay, and touches his shoulder. “Besides, Bryce is stronger than you. He would probably beat you up. Again.” He squeezes his shoulder a little, just to make a point. “Leave the violence to me, Clay.” 

Clay sighs, and goes back to searching for Skye’s face on the crowd. Honestly he simply doesn’t understand why Tony had to pick him up so early for the movie. Specially when Skye said that she would be running late. There was no need for them to wait for one our without doing much “Hey, I just realized…where’s Brad?” 

“And it only took you 45 minutes.”He says, nodding. “When it comes to realizing stuff you’re just right there with Kyle, man. Good stuff.” He mocks his friend. 

He rolls his eyes. “I literally have no idea what you just said.” 

“I knew it wouldn’t last long.” He laughs, but Clay still makes squinty eyes at him. “He was busy.” 

“On a Saturday night? Doing what?” 

“He had to help his parents on the restaurant today. They have, like, this big event, or something.” 

“No way! His parents have a restaurant? That’s so fucking cool.” 

Tony nods. “Brazilian food only. His parents are from there.” Clay makes an even more surprised face. “He’s teaching me to speak some things as well.” 

Clay seems confused by his statement. “Don’t you already know how to speak Spanish?” 

“They speak Portuguese in Brazil.” Clay nods. “But he did told me that this is a very common mistake people make, so…” 

Absentminded of the conversation, Clay looks around the theatre entrance for any sign of Bryce and the girl. He knows he should’t pry on it, but there’s something inside of him that just doesn’t want to let go. What if Bryce is just waiting for the right opportunity to hurt someone again? He checks the time on his phone, there still 25 minutes before the movie starts. More than enough time to…“Hey, I think I, hum…I’m going to the bathroom real quick.”

Tony holds his arm before he can go any further. “Clay, don’t. You’re gonna regret it.” 

“Going to the bathroom?” he tries to change the subject. 

“No, Clay. You and I both know you’re not going to the bathroom. You’re going after Bryce. To do what, I have no clue, but that’s where you going.” 

Clay sighs. There’s just no way to hide anything from Tony. And it makes him feel both angry and amazed. “How do you fucking do that?” 

“Do what?” 

“How do you like…read my mind or whatever the fuck is that you do.” 

“I don’t deserve this much credit.” He starts. “It’s just…it’s your eyes.” Clay gives him a puzzled look. “You have like…the most honest eyes I’ve ever seen. You can try to say whatever you want, but your eyes…I can see right through them.” 

Clay stares at Tony, and he is suddenly very aware of what his friend just said to him, so he casts his eyes away. It makes him feel vulnerable, naked even, to think that people can see that easy through him. He wears a persistent frown, but when he looks at Tony again he’s smiling, so Clay relaxes a bit. “Great, just great. I will start speaking with my eyes closed them.” 

“It will be weird, Clay.” 

“Well, apparently everyone can see through my…crazy witch eyes. What choice do I have?” 

Tony shakes his head. “Not everyone, Clay.” He assures him. “This is a me and you thing.” 

“I will close my eyes either way.” As if just trying to prove a point, he closes his eyes, and then shrugs. 

“Don’t do that.” He laughs. “It will be even more weird.” 

“I don’t see why. Literally.” Clay says, with his eyes still close. 

“Oh, really? Two guys…alone talking…one of them has his eyes closed. What does this tell you?” 

He swallows, dry. “That you’re so boring, you put me too sleep.” He says, the eyes opened this time, but he looks away from Tony. He doesn’t know why, but there’s a heat invading his cheeks, so he covers them with his hands. “Is kinda warm in here, don’t you think?” 

“Sure.” Is all he offers as an answer. 

Tony stares at him again, silent, and he wants to say something. Feels like he’s supposed to say something, but he suddenly forgets how to form words, so he just stares back. Clay’s phone rings, and he releases a closeted breath. Skye’s name appears on the caller ID. “It’s her.” He tells Tony. “Hey, where are you? The movie is about to start.” He stops and listens to her for a while. “Oh, that’s okay. But don’t you need help with that, we could—ok, then. I’ll tell him. K,bye.” 

“What happened?” 

“The other barista is sick, and Marisa asked her to cover the shift. She’s not coming.” 

“Oh, that sucks. We could go back home if you want.”

“No, you already bought the tickets. Let’s watch it.” 

They make their way to screening room, but Tony ends up stopping to buy popcorn and a soda. He decides for a large one, just in case Clay wants to eat it too, and adds some gummy worms, to satisfy his sweet tooth. He reminds the guy behind the counter to please, not forget the butter, and they walk away. “Want some?” he holds the popcorn in front of Clay. 

Clay looks at the popcorn and realizes that the guy put the minimum amount of butter possible. A bitter smile forms on his lips. “He likes you.” He whispers.

“What?” 

“He likes you.” He repeats. “The guy who works here.” Tony gives him a confused expression, and waits for him to finish. “On my first day at the theater, Hanna told me if I ever liked someone, I should put very little butter on their popcorn. They would come back for more, and then I would have a chance to talk to them.” He explains, still with the same unhappy smile. 

“Clay…you know she liked you…” 

“I know. That’s not the point, it’s just…It hurts to remember, sometimes.” 

“I know.” Tony looks at him. “I know.” 

They reach the screening room, and Clay is surprised to see it’s not even half way full. It’s Saturday night, the movies are usually packed with people. And usually people their age as well. It looks like most of the people there have at least 20 years on them. On a good day. Tony seems very particular about where they should sit, so after a couple minutes of observing the sits, they settle on two further back, not so close to the screen. He is surprised, once again, when there aren’t any trailers in the beginning, and they jump right in the movie. He sees an old black and white logo, and gets even more confused. “Wait, what are we seeing again?” he asks, louder than he should, and someone from the back shushes him. It goes dead silent again after that. 

Tony waits for the sound to get a bit louder. “Blue Dahlia.” He whispers at Clay. 

He makes a confused face but Tony can’t see in the dark, so he continues to look at the screen. Clay leans over Tony, trying to be as silent as possible. “Wasn’t the Dahlia supposed to be black? I feel like it was supposed to be black, Tony.” 

Tony sighs. “There is also a Black Dahlia.” He says without taking his eyes off the screen. Clay is far too close to him, and he tries extra to hard to remain still. 

“So why aren’t we watching it them?” Clay speaks loud again, and more people shush him this time. “Sorry.” He whispers back. 

“Cause we’re watching the Blue Dahlia, not the black one. Damn, Clay, chill.” He whispers barely moving his lips , so they won’t bother anyone else. 

“It won’t be as good.” 

“Dios mio, Just watch the movie, Clay.” 

As it turns out, The Blue Dahlia was actually a very interesting movie. It wouldn’t be his first choice on any given day, true, but it was good to know new genres of movie. He could actually see himself watching other Noir movies, but he was going to keep this a secret for now. Tony already had a endless list of films for them to watch, and if he added anymore they wouldn’t finish it until next year.   
The drive back to his house is calm, and they don’t talk much, aside from one or other comment about the plot of the movie. Usually made by Tony. He sure likes old movies.   
Clay looks at the houses passing by, and realizes that, ever since Hanna died, all Tony does is drive him around town. Everyday, he picks him up from school, and also takes him home afterwards. Really, all Tony ever does, is babysit him. All the time. He feels an uninvited prick of shame, and can’t help but feel like the biggest looser around. “I’m thinking about getting my driver’s license.” He announces, still looking outside the window. 

“Really? I didn’t think you wanted to.” 

“Well, I can’t depend on you forever.”

“You have your bike…” Tony adds. 

“Right. Score!” 

Tony can feel that there’s something else on Clay’s mind. Something that he doesn’t want to let it come to the surface. At least not yet. “Clay, what’s wrong?” he looks at him, but Clay avoids his eyes. “You don’t like hanging out with me anymore?” 

“No, that’s not it.” Clay turns around so fast that it scares Tony. “It’s just…I feel…like this huge looser. I can’t even drive.” He explains. “What if there’s a zombie apocalypse, or something?” 

“And driving is the solution?” 

“Yes! If I don’t know how to drive I’ll get stuck here, and then I’ll die, Tony! Is that what you want?” 

Tony laughs timidly. Leave it to Clay to come up with the most unrealistic scenario ever, and lose sleep over it. “That’s not true, Clay. I mean, you are going to die, but not because you can’t drive.” 

“Wow, Tony. You really know how to make me feel better.” 

“What I said is, that you will maybe die, cause you’re not cut up for shit like that. You’re too kind to go around…walking-dead all over the place. And that’s a good thing.” 

“Yeah, right.” He complains. 

“But if it means that much to you…I can teach you. How to drive, there is, not the walking dead thing.” 

“It does.” He says as they park in front of his house. They remain inside the car, in silence, staring at each other, and Tony squeezes the steering wheel a little tighter. There’s something about the air that night. He can’t quite put his finger on it, but it’s there. It’s thick and kind of heavy, and it throws him for a loop from time to time. “Hey…do you wannasleepover?” Clay asks, too fast for Tony to understand fully. 

Tony smiles. “Are you asking if I want a sleepover or if I want to sleepover? 

“They’re the same.” Clay points out, matter-of-factly.

“No, they’re not. Asking if I want a sleepover, is if I want to sleep here one day, eventually. But to sleepover, is if I want to sleep here, today.” 

“Oh, okay. I’m asking you to sleepover, then. Today.” Tony nods, and Clay gets out if the car. “But if you snore, I’ll smother you with a pillow.” 

Tony looks at him, and smiles. “Sure.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Clay have a sleepover after going to the movies, but the night turns sour when Tony uncovers a secret that Clay has been keeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, people from the internet, how are you doing?  
> First I wanted to say a huuuge thank you for all the kudos, and nice comments you left me. You guys are really kind, and we should all hug.  
> I'm having a lot o fun reading the messages you sent me, and also talking to some of you on tumblr.  
> As for now, I already traced all the chapters, so I can say with certainty that I know where this story is going. So keep this information in mind, just in case that somewhere in the future you read something a little bit sad. (I promise that all gets better though. Both in life and in this fic.) 
> 
> I own nothing, etc etc. 
> 
> ps. I know the summary is a little scary, but lets stay hopeful, ok? ok!
> 
> enjoy <3

Clay stares blankly at the ceiling while listening to Tony’s steady breath coming from the spare mattress on the floor. His mind is going a thousand miles per minute and none of his thoughts are regarding sleeping. Haven’t been for a while. He still can’t shake away the feeling of injustice that takes over him every time he sees Bryce walking down the corridors. Every time one of the teachers, or the other students, praise him for his ‘’achievements”. All he ever really achieved was completely destroying the life of two girls. That they knew of so far. God knows how many others he traumatized for life, or if given the change, still would. No one would convince him that someone as self centered, and just plain evil, as Bryce was a first time offender. This was the kind of behavior that went on for years until someone was able to stop it. He didn’t know how yet, but he would be that person. He would stop Bryce.  
He felt a familiar wave of feelings showering his numb body. It was that same uninvited toxicity, that he knew to only need seconds to take over his veins, like wildfire eating a forest full of dead trees. He tries to take deep breaths, like Tony told him once, but the up and down of his chest is too heavy for him to even bother. He feels trapped, surrounded by an invisible sea that is slowly closing in on him. It feels like drowning. Like he is so out of breath that he’s suffocating, but at the same time has his lungs full.

“I can practically hear the wheels turning inside your head, Clay.” He sits on his mattress and looks at Clay, that continues to stare at the ceiling. “What’s wrong?” 

“Can’t sleep.” 

“This I can see. I want to know why.” Clay doesn’t answer. There’s something about the why his eyes focus on everything but Tony, that scares him. It feels like Clay’s so far gone…somewhere, that he can’t even acknowledge Tony’s presence anymore. “Is it because of Hanna?” 

He suppresses a bitter laugh.“Is there anything that doesn’t go back to Hanna, and the fact that she is dead?” 

“I will take that as a yes.” He concludes. “When was the last time you slept, Clay? Really?” 

“I dunno, like…maybe four days ago, five. Who cares?” 

“I do. You can’t just treat you body like this. Not sleeping makes anything you’re feeling, anything, worse.” 

“It does’t matter how many ours of sleep I have, Tony. Hanna is still dead when I wake up.” He answers with a harsh tone. Far too harsh for it to be used on Tony.

Tony looks at him more seriously now, but Clay still ignores him. “Is that why you’re not sleeping? So you can pretend she’s not dead?” 

“My imagination is not that good, Tony.” He faces him this time. “No one’s is.” 

“Shit, Clay. You’ve got blood on your bandage.” Tony is up on Clay’s personal space within seconds, holding his face, but still careful not to touch the wound directly. Absentmindedly, he realizes that Tony isn’t wearing a shirt anymore, and that he is using it to contain some of the blood that has started to run down his forehead. Clay moves his head away from Tony’s grip as if to say that he doesn’t want him prying on his wounds. The ones that he can see, and the ones that he cannot. Tony tosses his shirt aside. He’ll wash it later. “Wasn’t this healed already?” Tony asks but Clay doesn’t answer. Still, when Tony starts to remove the bloodied bandage, Clay doesn’t stop him either. “Shit, I think is inflamed. You have some peroxide or something?” 

“Bathroom.” Tony gets up and Clay can hear him going through the cabinets looking for the solution. His head is pounding, and the cut is only partially to blame. He feels like his whole body is vibrating with…something, but he doesn’t know what to do about it. Doesn’t know how to get rid of the feeling that, instead of blood, there’s acid running through his veins. And is poisoning his body little by little. Tony gets back with the peroxide and some cotton balls, and the feeling just turns even more toxic than before. “I’m fine. Just leave it alone.” 

“Stop acting like a child. This won’t take a minute.” Tony proceeds to clean the dried blood from the wound, and Clay retracts his head away from the slight burning sensation. “Sorry.” At first he doesn’t understand why the wound still looks so fresh, like is almost brand knew. He was sure that it looked almost healed when they were at the beach, but when the cut is fully cleaned, Tony thinks he understands why. Around the main portion of the cut, he can see small dragging marks. Like scratches. Like Clay was… “Clay, have you been,” he stops. He doesn’t know exactly how to put this question into words, without pushing Clay even further. “Have you been scratching this?” he asks, finally.

“What? No!” Clay denies, but his exaggerated defensiveness, tells Tony that it goes much deeper than a nail jabbing at a open wound. “Just leave it alone, ok?” 

“Clay, just…talk to me, ok? What’s wrong?” 

The question, although sincere, seems to spike something inside of Clay, and he snaps. “What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” he asks louder the second time, and lets out a laugh that is half desperation half anger. “Are you fucking blind, Tony? Wake up! Hanna is dead. Jessica was raped. Justin let it happen, and Bryce is still walking around like he’s the kind of the whole fucking city.” His face is burning red, and his fingers start to dig impatiently at the skin of his wound. It just takes seconds for the blood to appear again. “And I can’t do anything. I can’t help anyone and…and my mom, she keeps acting like nothing ever happened.” Tony watches as Clay pours his heart out. His face already swollen from tears. “And in school, no one even talks about her anymore, Tony. No one remembers. What if—what if I—“ 

“You won’t forget her, Clay.” He approaches him, but Clay backs off and tries to lock himself inside the bathroom. For Tony’s luck, and his own, he’s far too clumsy to possess any spatial awareness, so they both end up inside of the bathroom. “Clay, please, let me help you…” 

“Leave me the fuck alone!” Poisoned by anger, Clay pushes Tony away one, two, tree times, before his rage disappears and all that’s left is the bitter taste of bile in the pit of his stomach. He is paralyzed, but at the same time, completely unsteady, and Tony holds him so he won’t faint. He slowly starts to melt away into the floor, and Tony follows him down, still holding him tight on his arms. With his face hidden in the crook of Tony’s neck, and the body between his legs, he doesn’t know what else to do, besides cry. “I can’t breath Tony. I feel like I can’t breath.” The tears are cascading down his face, and Tony had to control his impulse to catch every single one them. “I don’t know what to do, Tony. Please tell me what the fuck I should do.”

Tony takes a deep breath. His heart feel’s so small inside his chest, that he’s afraid he won’t able to find it anymore. “For now…you cry.” He pulls Clay’s body a little closer to his, and he melts away into the touch. He didn’t now how much he needed the comfort until the moment Tony held him. And he’s not sure when he’ll be ready to let go. “And then you cry a little bit more, and when there’s nothing left for you to cry…you sleep.”

Clay sniffs, trying to clear his respiratory track, so he can breath a little bit better. “How is this going to help?” 

“It will. Trust me.” 

“I do.” He says, but goes silent after that. He closes his eyes and focus on the way Tony’s chest goes up and down underneath his trembling body. Clay is taken by the sudden realization that he never felt so safe on his entire life, and is all because of Tony. However, security turns to shame withins seconds when he remembers Hanna, and how she probably never got the chance to feel something like that. Tony said it himself, she died alone. And she died afraid, helpless. Like Tony can sense what is going through his mind, he starts humming a soothing melody, one he knows it will probably calm him down. And it does. He doesn’t think he ever heard it before, but he makes a mental note to ask Tony about it when the time is right. He has a lot of things to ask him actually, but for now, he will settle for just talking. “Hey…can I tell you something?” Tony doesn’t answer, but Clay feels his hand tracing invisible patterns on his back, so he decides to say anyway. “I…I don’t believe in God.” There’s a prolonged moment of silence, and he is too afraid to look up. Doesn’t know what is expecting him there, if he does.

“Because of Hanna?” he asks, and Clay is grateful to realize that his voice doesn’t seem angry or upset, just…calm. Like his voice always is.

“No, before.” He explains. “When I was in…9th grade I guess, I used to go to this church group for like…young people, and it was more like a support group, you know? Tell people how you feel and that stuff.” Tony makes a humming sound and he takes it as an indication for him to go on with the story. So he does. “But I had this friend—he’s name was Allan, I don’t know if you know him—“

“I do.” He answers. 

Curiosity rises inside of him, but he decides that this isn’t the best moment to inquire Tony about it. “So…we used to talk a lot, before and after the meetings, and he was really nice. Really cool guy. But then one day, this…older priest-I don’t even know his name- saw us talking, and just…went nuts. Like total 180. He was screaming, talking about how we were going to hell, and that ‘it’ was an abomination…” 

“In front of everyone?” Tony asked, baffled. 

“In front of everyone!” he confirmed. “Anyways, I guess he thought that we were gay, and just…He called my mom and said that I wasn’t allowed there anymore.”He stops to take a small breath. “I only saw Allan one time after that, and he had this huge black eye. Looked really painful, too.” 

“What happened to him?” 

He shrugs. “People said that his father did it, but I don’t know for sure. After that I just…it got me thinking, I guess. And…I can’t believe in a God that would allow this to happen. So i just…don’t” 

“Wait…this was in 9th grade?” Clay nods. “So…was this why the rumors started?” 

Clay looks like he has put the final piece to a life-long puzzle. “Oh, that’s right. I never really thought about it, but I guess it was.” 

“Well, the mystery is solved them.” 

“I guess it is.” The mood is lighter, but Clay is still afraid to look Tony in the eye. Tony touches Clay’s cheek, traces an invisible circle with his thumb, and tries to make Clay look at him. But he doesn’t.

“Clay…were you afraid to tell me this?” he nods again, a little unsure this time. “Clay, I won’t stop lo—being you friend because we don’t believe in the same things.” 

“I just thought that…” 

“Well you were wrong.” He says before Clay can finish. “And to be honest with you, this is also something that I struggle with. I mean…I’ve never even told my parents yet…cause I’m afraid they won’t accept me.” 

“Really?” he does look at Tony this time, and despite the seriousness of the subject, he smiles.

“Yeah, I mean…sometimes I’m 100% sure that they will back me up, but them…they make a comment, or a joke about someone that they think it’s too feminine, or something, and then I give up.” Tony takes deep breath. He’s not used to talking about those things with anyone. He’s usually the one helping people with their problems, so the role reversal brings a whole new level of vulnerability. “But to me, God is not this…old angry guy, that lives in the sky and it’s just…there, watching your every move, just waiting to punish you. I think God is like…this forcefield—a gravity pull, that keeps us all in place. Safe.” 

Clay smiles against Tony’s skin, and it tickles a bit. “You should write a book. Share your wisdom with us mere mortals.” 

“What you think should be the name of the book them?” he asks.

Clay stops, and ponders. “Hum… ‘God is a forcefield, and other mystical bullshit by Tony Padilla.” He is laughing even before he announced the whole name.

“You mocking me, Clay?” Clay mumbles something against the skin of his neck, but he can’t quite hear it. He thinks that it sounds like ‘maybe’, so he decides to let it slide. “Will you buy my book?” 

“One copy to read and other to keep safe somewhere. You have to sign both of them, though.” 

“Why, so you can brag to people that you’re friends with someone famous?” 

“Best friends…” he corrects, but the way he speaks is slow and a little lazy. Like he’s too tired to form the words. 

“You know, Clay…” he looks down and watches Clay’s eyes gradually closing, hidden behind the curtain of his long lashes. “Clay?” he doesn’t answer, and all that Tony can hear is the soothing sound of his tired breaths agains his warm skin. And Tony feels content that, against all odds, after all the bitter tears and sadness, Clay gets to be sound asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony has to deal with the aftermath of his sleepover at Clay's, and things don't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sooo sorry for the delay. I wasn't able to get back home early like I hoped, but I'm trying to make it up to you with a chapter that is twice as long.   
> Hopefully, I'll be forgiven.   
> This is the part where I thank you all again for your comments, and all the suggestions you make. I'm having way too much fun with you guys on tumblr, and I found out i like making gifs, so I'll continue making them. 
> 
> If you find any mistake, please let me know. This work has no beta and sometimes my proofreading, it's very flawed.
> 
> Anyways, you can all go read now. Enjoy <3

It’s almost noon when Clay finally wakes up. His head is pounding and his body aches all over, but still, he feels completely rested and overall…good. It’s a strange and new feeling, something he hasn’t felt since her death, but he decides to embrace it either way. A sudden rush of adrenaline passes him when his brain replays all the events from the previous night. The image of him and Tony sitting on the bathroom floor burns behind his eyelids, but he’s not quite sure why. “Tony?” he asks to no one in particular, and is not surprised when he doesn’t hear a answer back. He finds himself alone in his bed, as the excess sunlight from the window rises the temperature inside the room. Clay suddenly feels like he is wearing too many layers of clothing, but a quick look at himself reveals this not to be truth. If anything, he’s never been more exposed before. Still, the heat is there. Is uninvited and unfamiliar, so Clay shakes his head to try and dissipate it. His eyes narrow on his desk, and he can see a folded piece of paper that wasn’t there before. He picks it up quickly, but somehow, dreads the moment of actually opening. He notices a subtle aroma coming from the paper. It smells like sandalwood with a hint of freshness, like oranges, and he is suddenly reminded of where he smelled that cologne before. The note is from Tony, no doubt about that, but for some reason, this realization scares him even further. 

‘Hey, Clay, sorry for leaving without saying goodbye, but you looked like you could use some extra sleep. Don’t worry about my shirt, I’ll wash it later. Also, I hope you don’t mind but I borrowed one of your t-shirts, cause Brad is waiting me for lunch, and I can’t walk around shirtless. Ps. your mom made shepherd's pie for lunch. Eat it.’ 

Clay smiles a little to himself after reading the note one more time. Tony can be really bossy when he thinks Clay isn’t taking good care of himself. He remembers all the times that he has seen Mrs. Padilla doing the same to him, so he figures it’s just habit. He considers staying a bit more in bed, just doing nothing, but his stomach protests, and he thinks that he could definitely use some shepherd's pie.

***

For some miraculous reason, Tony still manages to make it in time for his lunch with Brad, and only 15 minutes late. As soon as he parks in front of Monet’s, he can see his boyfriend inside, waiting for him, sitting on their favorite table. He tries to make a surprise appearance, but Skye sees him first, and lets Brad know that he is there.

“Hi, sorry for being late.” He says with a apologetic smile. Brad moves for a kiss, but they greet each other with a hug instead. Tony is not the biggest fan of PDA, but Brad thinks that this is not the only reason for his excess discretion. “Did you wait long?” 

“Not really. I just got here.” He looks at his watch. “Like 10 minutes ago.” 

“That’s good. What do you want for lunch? I was thinking maybe we could have some quiches. Skye said they come with salad on the side. You like salad, right?” 

He nods. “Sounds good.” He looks pensive for a second, but when Tony looks at him he smiles. “So…how was you weekend?” 

“Weekend’s not over yet, but so far so good. Better now that I’m with you.” He winks at Brad playfully. He motions for Skye to come to the table and she gives him a unpleased look, but goes there anyways. “Was you shift yesterday that bad?” he asks when she comes. 

“Horrible. Saturday is supposed to be my day off. And I really wanted to see the movie with you guys.” She gives an overly dramatic sigh and Tony laughs. “So, what can I get for you boys today?” 

“Two quiches, please. And I would like a soda with that.” He looks at Brad, who is giving him a somewhat angry look. “You?” 

“Water is fine for me.” He states. 

Tony is looking at him, trying to understand what made him get so upset like that, but Brad gives him no indication. Skye writes down their orders, and goes back to her station after that. “Is there something wrong?” he asks as soon as she leaves.

Brad gives him a wounded look, like he is offended that he even has to ask. “Skye didn’t go to the movies?”

“No, she just said that. She had to work.” 

“So I heard. But you didn’t tell me that yesterday.” 

“She only said this like, 15 minutes before the movie. We just went without her.”

“You still had 15 minutes to call me and tell me that.” 

Tony gives him a confused look. “I didn’t know I had to, Brad. I told you I was going to the movies with friends, and that was what happened.” 

“You went to the movies with Clay, not friends.” He states, trying to make Tony see the subtle, yet huge difference with both scenarios.

“Clay is my best friend, Brad. You know that.” 

“He’s you best friend? A couple weeks ago he was just your friend. What he’ll be a month from now, your boyfriend?” Brad says, maybe a little louder than he should, and Tony’s eyes go wide. He doesn’t like where this is going.

“You’re my boyfriend.” He speaks gently, trying to calm Brad.

“Could’ve fooled me. We barely see each other anymore, Tony. I miss you.” He confesses it, already feeling his anger slip away, but still not wanting to give in just yet. 

“I’m here.” He tries to reason with his boyfriend. 

“Are you? Sometimes when we’re together, I feel like…like your body is here, but your mind…” 

Tony stops and thinks about what Brad just told him. If he’s being honest with himself, he really hasn’t been the best boyfriend to Brad ever since Hannah died. He just got so caught up with the tapes, and the other kids, and Clay…“I do have a lot on my mind. I’m sorry. I know that I haven’t been the boyfriend you deserve, but…things just got so…complicate…” 

“What things?” 

“Everything, really. I told you about the tapes, but there’s a lot more about it that I can’t tell you. At least not until I can figure it all out.” 

“But I can help you, Tony.” He holds Tony hands gently. “I want to help you.” 

“I know, and I’m really grateful for that. I really am.” Brad waits for the ‘but’ that will inevitably come after that. “But this is something that I need to figure it out on my own.” 

Skye drops by with their plates, and later on with their respective drinks. She can sense that the mood is not the cheeriest, so she doesn’t say anything. Just delivers the food and leaves. Once behind the counter, she sends at text to Tony, asking him to talk to her later about it. He reads it discreetly while Brad eats his quiche, and then gives her a small smile.   
After that they eat in silence. Tony doesn’t really know what to say to make things better, and he suspects that Brad still has some things that he wants to share. But he decides to wait for his boyfriend to choose the best moment to do so.   
When his quiche is almost all gone, he clears his throat, as if preparing himself to say something important. Tony stops eating and just stares at him. “Tony…I want you to tell your family about us.” He just stares at Brad, not knowing what to say to that. “We’ve been together for six months, and I don’t even know them yet, Tony.” 

“Brad…I just…I think I’m not ready to do that. I mean, my parents—I don’t know how they’ll take it.” He swallows a lump on his throat, “They have no clue.” 

Brad feels like five seconds away from losing his patience. “You’re about to be 18 and you never had any girlfriend. I think they know more than you think they do.” 

“Brad, please, don’t do this. I just…I’m not ready yet.” 

“So just…” he trails off, still unsure of what to say. He doesn’t want to end things with Tony, but they can’t go on like this either. Something needs to happen, something has to change for them to be able to still be a couple. Problem is, Brad doesn’t know what this thing is, or if it even exists at all. “…Just call me when you are. You know my number.” Brad takes a 20 from his wallet, leaves it on the table, and then he’s gone. 

 

***

It’s late at night, and Clay is just about to finish his math homework, due to the next day, when he hears a strange noise coming from his window. He walks slowly, trying to decipher the source, but has no luck. It’s only when he pulls the curtains away, that he can see Tony, waiting for him to open the window. He has no idea why he decide to skip the front door and go straight to climbing to the window, but he imagines that his friend has a good reason. “Oh, hi Tony.” He greets him awkwardly once the window is open. He moves a little to the side and Tony joins his inside the room, closing the window behind him. “I…I forgot to put your shirt to wash, but I can do that now if you want.” He blurts out the first thing that he can think of, because he really has no idea what to say. No one has ever climbed to get inside through his window, and the whole thing feels like some silly teenage movie. 

He shakes his head, as if to say that it’s not necessary. “That’s fine, I can wash it later. That’s not why I’m here, actually.” 

“Why are you here, then?” he asks when Tony doesn’t say anything else. 

“I wanted to talk to you about yesterday.” Clay takes a deep breath. He doesn’t know exactly what he’s expecting to hear, but it probably won’t be good. “I just wanted you to promise me that you won’t confront Bryce anymore. I know that is eating you inside, but…he’s dangerous, Clay.” 

“I know that, it’s just—I want him to pay for what he did to Hannah and Jessica.” He says, releasing a big puff of air at the end of his statement. “It’s not fair.” 

“I know that, Clay. I want him to pay too, but this isn’t the way to do it. Not by picking fights with him.” 

“So what’s the way? How do we do this, then?” he asks.

“I don’t know, Clay. Not yet. But what I do know, is that I can’t take him hurting you again.” Tony touches Clay’s cheek and he unconsciously closes his eyes, and leans into the touch. When he opens them, Tony is giving him a wounded smile. Like Clay had just stabbed him right in the chest, but he doesn’t understand why or how. “If he hurts you again Clay…I don’t—“ He stops. “I might kill him.” Clay’s blue eyes get even wider at that, and he feels the tears threatening to fall down his warm cheeks. “I just—I don’t want to upset you, Clay. I just want you to understand how much you mean to me.” He swallows hard. He shouldn’t be saying those things to Clay. Not when he is already struggling so much. But he needs to make Clay understand just how much his actions can affect him. “I would die and kill for you, Clay. It scares me to think that I would be able to take someone’s life for you, and I hate it, but that’s how it is.” He stares at Clay, looking for any indication that his words are sinking in.

“Because we’re family…” Clay says, more to himself, than to Tony. Still shocked and, at some level, scared, terrified even. But not at Tony, or because of him. He knows that his friend would never hurt him. But frightened for realizing that, he too, would die and kill for his friend. He doesn’t know what that says about him. But hopes that it doesn’t make him like Bryce. A monster. 

“Because we’re family.” He agrees. “So whatever it is that you do, will affect me. Just think about that, ok?” Clay nods slowly, still too numb to fully understand everything that’s happening. The information is too much for him to process at once, and he can feel it beginning to overwhelm his senses. “Did you eat?” Tony asks, partially because he really wants to know, but also because he desperately needs a change of topic. And so does Clay. Things just got way too serious too soon, and he fears that Clay won’t be able to handle it. 

Clay nods again, but this time he knows what he’s saying. “There’s still some leftovers for you in the fridge. Mom put them on a separate container so you could take home with you.” 

“She around? I wanted to say thanks.” 

“She’s sleeping, but I can tell her in the morning.” 

Tony smiles at him. “She really wanted me to have lunch here, but Brad was waiting for me, so I had to go. Did you get my note? He remembers. 

“Yeah, I saw it. Did you get there in time?” 

“15 minutes late, but who’s counting?” Brad probably, a voice inside of him says, but he tries to ignore it. “Skye said to call her, by the way. Something about a band that you wanted to show her. Something like that.”

Clay nods, absentmindedly, and Tony knows that he is lost in deep thought. The wheels are turning inside his head, and he has that look on his face, like he wants to ask something he isn’t sure if he’s allowed to know. But soon enough… “Hey, Toni, can I ask—“ Tony gives him an eyebrow raised look and he stops. “Sorry, not asking if I can ask things, I know. I was just wondering how is it like…to have a boyfriend, I mean, to be dating someone.” 

He decides to let Clay’s brief lapse of words pass by without commenting on it. “You never dated anyone Clay?” a subtle head shake is all he gets as an answer. “What about Sheri?” 

“We kissed. Once. That’s not dating” 

“You kissed?” he asks, surprised, and Clay nods. “I just knew that she liked you, but I didn’t know that you kissed.” 

“She only did it because she wanted me to stop with the tapes.” 

“Clay, that’s not true. See clearly likes you.” 

He shrugs. “If you say so.” 

“I do. I’m sure that are lots of girls interested in you.” Clay gives him a skeptical look. “It’s true. You’re kind and funny, and you’re a very good looking guy, so—“ 

“You think I’m good looking?” he interrupts Tony.

“Do you have any mirrors around?” he asks, as if to make a point.

“Yeah, there’s one in the bathroom, why?” Tony stars at him, with an eyebrow slightly raised and a watered down smug smile. Clay still stares at him blankly for a couple of seconds before he gets it. He tries to fight the subtle kiss of red on his cheeks, but is unsuccessful. “Oh, it was a rhetorical question, right?” 

“You’re getting better at this Clay. Kudos for you.” He smiles and gently pats Clay on the shoulder. “But sadly, I don’t think I’ll be able to help you with that.” Clay gives him a confused look. “I think Brad just broke up with me.” 

“Shit, Tony. I’m sorry man.” 

“Yeah. It was my fault.” 

“Really? What did you do?” he asks with a skeptical tone. On his eyes, Tony could do no harm. 

“I just…I haven’t been a good boyfriend lately. Barely spend any time with him. I keep secrets…” 

“You keep secrets from him?” Tony nods, feeling somewhat ashamed of his actions. “What kind of secrets?” 

“The tapes.” He begins. “He knows very little about it. Also, my relationship with him is like this huge big secret, and this hurts him. I hurt him.” He concludes.

“I’m sorry, Tony. I know how much you like Brad.” The homophone is not intended and it makes him chuckle at little. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—it’s just I said Brad, but it sounds like bread and then it made me laugh. Sorry.” 

Tony laughs at Clay exaggerated apology. “It’s fine, Clay. I like both Brad, and bread. One more than the other, but I won’t tell you which.” 

Clay seems a little more calm when he knows that he wasn’t misunderstood. “Hey, speaking of secrets…should I tell my parents…about you? That you’re gay, I mean.” 

“I don’t think you need to make a Lion King type of announcement, if that’s what you’re asking. But I’m cool with you telling them.” Clay nods and smiles. He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth like he is about to scream for his life. “Not now, Clay! Jesus!” Tony says while covering his friend’s mouth with his hand. “You can tell them another time. When I’m not here, if possible. Otherwise they’ll end up thinking it’s like a…two-for-one, coming out of the closet special.” 

He shrugs, like the thought doesn’t bother him in the slightest of ways. “They probably think I’m gay anyways. It wouldn’t make that much of a difference.” 

“Why would they think that? Because of the rumors?” 

“I’m 17 and I never brought a girlfriend, or anything like that, home. For parents this is like…the logical conclusion.” 

Tony stops and stares at Clay unblinkingly. He is reminded of Brad’s words, and how they are pretty much the same as Clay’s. If they are onto something, and he hopes that they aren’t, maybe his secret is not as much of a secret as he first thought it was. “Maybe they think that you’re just too much of a player to stay with just one girl.” 

Clay laughs so much when he hears Tony’s words, that it almost takes his breath away. “No one, and I repeat, no one, would think I’m too much of a player for anything. You can think that maybe it’s what your parents think, but not mine.” 

Tony can’t hide the smile forming on his lips. Clay is a fast learner. “You are getting good at this. Too good.” He adds, mocking Clay lightly “I’m starting to miss the times you were oblivious to things.” 

“Well, eat your heart out, Danny Zuko, cause I’m here to stay.” 

 

***

 

Weeks go by rather uneventfully, the three of them are doing significantly better day by day. They go out in the weekends, to the movies, the park or sometimes they just drive around town. Sometimes they go out on school days too, but usually to Monet’s. Clay and Tony sit on a table close to the counter so they can still talk to Skye while she works.   
Marisa doesn’t complain anymore because they pay for everything they have now, and she even says that they are good costumers. ‘Clay Jensen, good costumer.’ He thinks about receive an imaginary award for his expending achievements at Monet’s, and the thought amuses him enough to rob him of a small chuckle.   
Sometimes Brad joins them too. He’s easy to talk to and very clever, but Clay still feels like there’s an edge to him, a mild discomfort from his part, every time they hang out together. He hopes it will go away once their friendship fully settles, but it doesn’t. If anything he thinks it’s getting even worse, and he sees Brad less and less. But not Tony. He still sees Tony everyday at school, and they often have sleepovers at each others houses. Mrs. Padilla laughs, and says that she’ll end up adopting him one day. That she already considers him a son. Blood of her own blood. It seems so sudden to him, to receive this amount of care and love from someone who doesn’t even know him that much, but then Tony comes to mind, and everything that he did for him, and he knows just why. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Tony is the spitting image of his mom and they both love just as much just as easily. Like he said, his family likes to take care of their own. And he is one of them. Tony said so himself. He’s family.   
Clay doesn’t see Brad anymore after that, but he knows that Tony still does. There are days when he tells Clay he can’t hang out, or he can’t sleep over. He doesn’t say why, but he doesn’t have to, really. He knows that Tony is trying to avoid upsetting either one of them, but he really shouldn’t worry that much about it. He doesn’t want to be in the way of Tony’s relationship with his boyfriend. He might be Tony’s best friend, but he’s still just a friend. Clay knows where he stands on that. There’s a line, it might look faint, and almost inexistent sometimes, but it’s still there. And friends are not supposed to cross it. Right? 

He meets a girl in history class. Her name is Lilly, ‘short for Elisabeth, not like the flowers’, she always points out matter-of-factly. She seems serious at first, but has an easy laugh and a shyness about her that it’s just adorable. Her long black hair falls down her shoulders on subtle waves, and smells a bit citric, like lemon. They sit by each other’s side, and she talks to him about the episode of her favorite show she watched last night, and he finds her excitement to be somewhat contagious. She becomes a regular at their lunch table, and it doesn’t take long for her to be a part of the group.   
Surprisingly, Skye is very fond of her, and Clay often sees them talking in whispers about any small something they want to keep it a secret. Skye is smiling, and Lilly is smiling too, and the four of them seem to fit together. They are all weirdos in their own way, but the good kind.   
Tony smiles, and says that they look good together, but Clay thinks that it’s still too soon to think about those things. He still finds himself thinking about Hannah when he’s around Lilly, even though they’re nothing alike. If he’s being honest, he finds himself still thinking about Hannah all the time. Can see her, or at least something of her, in every girl he sees. In everyone he talks to, really. It seems like the only time when his thoughts drift away from Hannah’s memory, is when he’s with Tony. When Clay is with Tony, he just thinks about…Tony. 

But soon enough, just when things seemed to be almost fine, it was like Hannah said. Always like Hannah, said. ‘It feels like nothing, until the hurricane hits’. And this particular hurricane, was about to take them all with it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilly makes a split second decision that sets in motion a chain of events with disastrous consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone. Glad to bring another chapter for you guys on this fine day. I wish I could say it's all sunshine and rainbows, but if you read the previous one, you know it won't be.  
> This is another long chapter for you guys, cause there was a lot of information to put out, and I didn't want to split the action in two blocks. It would be strange.
> 
> I wrote this after 48 hours of 0 sleep, so If you see any mistakes, please be kind enough to tell me so I can correct them.  
> If you want to talk to me about anything, you can find me on tumblr.  
> https://theindigorose.tumblr.com/
> 
> Enjoy <3

If Tony could pinpoint the exact moment where it all had happened, he would have to say that it was a cumulation of small occurrences. Like with Hannah’s suicide. The little pieces were put together, one by one, one person after another, and it eventually caused her to kill herself. It seemed sudden from someone who wasn’t Hannah. For someone who didn’t go through what she did every single day, but truth is, it wasn’t like that. It took weeks, months, one drop of water after another until the bathtub was full, so she could get in it.  
But the first piece of this new disastrous puzzle, happened on a Monday, like any other Monday at school. Lilly sat on their lunch table and told Skye, louder then she normally would, about a party she had been invited too. Despite her serious and somewhat distant facade, he could tell that she was excited about the invitation. But maybe not for the more obvious reasons. The whole time she’s talking about the party, she would steal glances at Clay, probably wanting him to realize, that she wanted him there too. Sadly, she was not fully aware of how oblivious Clay could be. Not yet, at least.

“I mean, it’s just a party,” She says to Skye trying to look disinterested about it. “But everyone from my math class is going to be there.” She looks at Clay. “Angie is going to be there. You know Angie right?” she asks when Clay doesn’t answer anything, and he nods after that. “Mark is going to be there too, that funny guy from history class. Maybe you should go.” 

“I wasn’t invited.” Clay states while eating his lunch. 

“Amanda said that I could take you—someone.” She corrects herself quickly. “That I could take someone. That I should take someone.” 

“I don’t know, Lilly. I’m not really the party type.” 

“Neither am I, but it could be fun, right?” 

“Hey, Lilly, don’t you take advanced math? Like Calculus II already, or something?” Lilly nods, and Skye looks at both Tony and Clay. If she takes an advanced class, it means that her classmates are mostly Seniors, and if they are going to be there, then Bryce is probably going to be there too. “Does a guy named Bryce is in this class with you?” 

“The rape guy? No.” She confirms, and Skye lets out a relieved sigh. At least Lilly knew about Bryce, and how dangerous he was. “But I’ve seen him with that tall guy. The asian one.” She stops, and looks around the cafeteria to make sure that there are no prying eyes on them. She leans in close to Clay. “Did he really do it?” she looks at him for confirmation, but he’s looking at Tony instead of her. They don’t say anything to each other, but seem to be having some sort of communication were no words are needed. Skye touches her arm gently, to call her attention, and then nods to confirm that yes, he did it. “Damn…” she mutters.

“He’s dangerous, Lilly. No matter what you do, stay away from him.” Skye told her, being as serious as she could, but also trying her best not to scare her new friend. “You know, speaking of parties…do you guys remember Jeff’s birthday last year?” Skye offers the new topic and hopes that the others will get along in the conversation. It’s too early for their day to be already ruined by talking about Bryce.

“I didn’t go.” Clay was the first to answer. No surprise there. 

“Oh, I remember.” Tony says with a little smug smile. “It was the first time me and Ryan hooked up.”

Skye makes an overly exaggerated surprised expression. “Shut up! Tell us everything.” 

“Well, there was this—some people were playing spin the bottle on the basement. We were both there, and it was his turn, it stopped on me, so we kissed. It just a little peck, nothing much, but—“ 

“You felt the fire.” Skye interrupts, quirking her eyebrows 

“He felt the fire.” Lilly says after that. 

“What fire?” Clay asks, having no idea what they are talking about.

Skye sighs. Good luck for Lilly in trying to make Clay realize that she has feelings for him. She’s definitely going to need it. “The fire, Clay. The desire. The lust…” Clay makes a face like he understood what she meant, and then got back to looking at Tony. They all did. “What happened after that?” 

“All I can, and will say, is that we didn’t stay in the party after that.” 

“You dog!” Skye teases him while gently hitting his arm. “That’s why I couldn’t find you when was time to go back.” 

“That’s not my fault. Actually…I thought you weren’t going home at all.” 

“What does he mean by that?” Lilly asked while looking at her. 

Skye takes a deep breath. This was bound to come out sooner of later. “Me and Jeff, we were…kinda…dating at the time. I mean, not dating really. But…we had…something going on. A thing.” She says, finally. 

“He was really handsome, Skye. Nice!” Lilly congratulates her.

“He never…he never said anything about you.” Clay says, feeling a mixture of nostalgia and betrayal. He thought him and Jeff were friends. Why would he lie to him? Most of all, why were the people that Clay liked the most, constantly lying to him? “What happened?” 

She shrugs. “I dunno. We never really talked much after that.” She says with little to no expression, but the trembling of her voice reveals her true feelings on the matter. “I guess I just…wasn’t cookie-cutter enough for him.” She smiled and tried to hide the hint of sadness underneath it. Skye knew what people thought about her. That just because she had a somewhat wild look, she was a crazy party girl, always ready for a good time. Maybe even Jeff himself thought this. Maybe that’s way they got together in the first place. “Jeff belonged with nice girls like Sheri or Hanna. Or Lilly.” She completes.

“Why you always say shit like that? Why is every girl a ‘nice girl’ except you?” Clay snaps at her unnecessarily, and his sudden spike of anger startles everyone. 

“Clay, calm do—“

“Cause is true, Clay.” She interrupts Tony.” I’m not someone who…spins around in girly dresses, and that you’ll take home to meet your parents. I’m someone that guys only want to hook up with in the end of the party, behind the dumpster.” 

Clay opens his mouth to speak, but Lilly is faster. “Skye, that’s not true.” Lilly’s tone is calm and reassuring. “I was intimidate by your looks before I met you, I won’t lie about that! Because you look like you could both, kill me in a heartbeat if I just as much looked at you wrong, but also because you would look absolutely gorgeous while doing it.” Skye offers her a small smile, but doesn’t seem like she’s fully convinced yet. “But as soon as I got to know you, I saw just how wonderful you are. You’re so kind and caring, and you’re so freaking protective of me, I swear to God, that no one would dare to mess with me. You’re like…like…” She trails off, still trying to find the correct words. “You’re like Tony, except without a penis, but with just as much heart and fabulous hairdos.” Skye smiles at her, more genuinely this time, and she feels satisfied that her words were enough to convince her friend. At least for now. “But do tell us, Tony, did you have any other torrid affairs after that?” She asked, knowing that her innocent gossipy tone would make Skye laugh.

“I’m not one to kiss and tell, Lilly.” He stops. “Even though I just did.” Both Skye and Lilly laugh at that, but not Clay. 

Clay had this sinking feeling on the pit of his stomach, like something was trying to claw its way out of his insides, but he doesn’t know what or why. Every time he hears Tony speaking, is like the thing is scratching him from underneath his skin. It itches and it burns, and Clay feels like he could peel his whole skin off and it still wouldn’t make it go away. “I should go.” He gets up abruptly. “I don’t want to be late for class.” 

Tony looks at his watch. “There’s still 15 minutes until the next class.” Clay shrugs, but doesn’t offer any answer. Tony knows that is something bothering him. Has been for some time, at least. Clay is not usually the most talkative person around, but he has been quiet lately. Too quiet even for his own standards. 

“I’ll go with you, then.” Lilly says, also getting up. “I’ll drop by Monet’s later, ok?” she says to Skye, and with that, they are both gone. 

Tony watches them disappear in the sea of other students. Clay didn’t even say goodbye to him, or if he was going to drop by his house later, like they had agreed on. Something was definitely going on with Clay, but he had no idea what that was. 

“Hey…how you’re holding up?” Skye asks and he gives her a puzzled look. Truth is he knows what she means, but doesn’t know if he’s ready to talk about it out loud. No one, beside himself, knows about his feelings for Clay. And he thinks that is better to keep it this way. “Don’t even try, ok? I know how you feel about him.” 

“Clay is my best friend, Skye.” He says as if it serves as an answer. “That’s all he’ll ever be.” 

“You sure about that?” She insists. 

“I am.” Tony admits, with a sad tone. “I am.” 

 

* * *

It’s the middle of the afternoon, and Tony is in the garage fixing…whatever it is he finds broken on his car. If there is anything at all to find. So far, his baby is as good as it can be. In all honesty, he only needed the repetitive motion to try and organize his thoughts. Lilly and Clay were getting close. Too close. And it hurt to see it happening in front of his eyes. But he could see why, though. Lilly was beautiful, and crazy intelligent. It didn’t hurt that when you got to know her, she also had a very unique sense of humor, and he found that Clay really gets her jokes. More than he gets his sometimes. He feels a sudden spike of jealousy when his brain is masochist enough to replay all the times he’s seen Clay smile at Lilly. He searches for the times he saw Clay smiling to Hannah, to draw any kind of comparison, but he can’t seem to remember. It’s only then, that he realizes that he never actually saw them together. He wonders if he avoided the pair when they were together, so he wouldn’t see anything that would make him feel exactly how he’s feeling right now. Or if he saw them, and the memory was so painful, that his brain chose to erase it completely. He didn’t now which one of the alternatives made him a worse friend. 

Tony hears a noise coming from behind him, and quickly turns to investigate the source. He finds Clay, standing on the driveway, just staring at him. “Hey, Clay. Did you call or something? I don’t think I heard it.” 

He shakes his head, as he opens his backpack. “I’m looking for your mom actually.” From inside he takes a medium size container. “My mom said that I should bring this casserole for your mom to try. They’re doing this…thing where they swap recipes.” Still in the driveway, he extends the hand holding the container, so Tony will come and get it. 

“Thanks, Clay. She’s inside, don’t you want to go and talk to her?” he uses his mom as an excuse, but what he really wants is for Clay to stay so they can talk a little. Alone. 

“I have to head back home, so…” he trails off, but doesn’t leave either. 

“Stay. Please.” Tony feels like he is five seconds away from full bloom begging, and it finally hits him how much affected he is by Clay’s friendship with Lilly. He never thought of himself as possessive with anyone before. But then again Clay isn’t just anyone. He’s everything to Tony. “It’s been a while since the last time we hang out. Just the two of us.” 

“Yeah, you’re right.” Clay complies and follows Tony to the end of the garage, and he sits on one of the futons there. Tony disappears somewhere inside the house, but when he’s back, he has two sodas in hand. He gives one to Clay, and he opens it right away. His throat feels dry as bones, so he could use the refreshment. 

“So…are you going to the party with Lilly?” 

“No, not really on a party mood. I think she got upset with me because of that, though” 

“Really? Did she say something?” 

“She didn’t say anything in particular. It’s more about what she didn’t say, actually. She went all quiet and moody for a while after I told her, so…” His phone beeps, and Tony can see that he is answering a text.

“I’m sure it won’t last.” Clay looks at him, confused. “Her being mad at you, I mean. She doesn’t seem like the one to hold a grudge.” 

“Yeah, I think so too.” Clay answers, with his eyes glued to his phone. He smiles a little and lets out a small laugh. When Tony reaches closer to put a tool back in place, he glances at the screen and can see Lilly’s name. He’s texting her.

“She can’t still be mad at you, if you’re guys are talking” He concludes. 

“What? Oh, right.” He says while holding the phone like it’s evidence. “She’s fun to talk to.” 

Tony feels that uninvited prick of jealously again, and he has to take a deep breath in order not to cry. When did he get so possessive over Clay? “You and Lilly seem to be getting really close…” he says, trying not to let his annoyance show, but probably failing at it.  
“Is there a question there?” he mocks Tony, while still texting her. 

“It was more of an observation. You just seem to be getting along really well, don’t you think?” 

“Yeah, I mean…we have some classes together. I think is natural that we do.” 

There’s a prolonged moment of silence, and Tony’s feelings are bursting through his throat, almost resting of the tip of his tongue, but he clenches his jaw, tight, and swallows all the things he never gets to say. No good could come from telling all that to Clay. No good could come from feeling all that for Clay. “She likes you, you know?” is what he says instead.

Clay’s phone beeps again and he asks, absentmindedly. “Who?”

“My sister, Clay.” He responds, with annoyance, when Clay doesn’t look back at him. Still has his eyes fixed on his damn phone, talking to her.

He does look at Tony this time. “Isn’t she like…almost ten years older than us?” 

“I’m talking about Lilly, Clay.” He sighs. “She likes you.” 

“I like her too. She’s really nice.” 

He shakes his head. “Don’t play dumb, Clay. You know what I mean.”

“I know what you mean, I’m just…I don’t think I’m there…yet.” 

“Where?” 

“In this…theoretical place where I can be with someone else. She’s just…she makes me think of Hannah. Like a lot.” 

“Doesn’t everyone makes you think of Hannah?” he asks, remembering one of their conversations about her.

“No, not everyone.” He answers, avoiding Tony’s eyes.

“Maybe that’s a good thing, Clay.” He starts, and Clay looks at him, waiting for the rest of his statement. “Maybe it means she’s especial, like Hannah was.” 

“—Is. Like Hannah is.” He corrects his friend. He knows that Hannah is not around anymore, but sometimes it angers him just how easily people throw the past tense around. “She’s dead, but she didn’t stop being special. Not to me.” 

“I know, Clay. That’s not what I meant. Sorry.”

“I know. I just wanted to say that out loud. That she’s still special to me. Will always be probably.” 

“You didn’t have to say it.” He reaches out and touches Clay’s arm, like he did many times before, but this time, he can feel Clay’s muscles tensing up underneath his touch. So he pulls back. “Sometimes…it doesn’t matter what we say, but what we do. And your actions show how much you still care for her.” 

“Do you…do you think I should do it? Like…give this…thing with Lilly a chance?” 

Tony smiles at him. “I think you should do what makes you happy. Always.” 

“What if I don’t know what that is? What if I make the wrong choice?” 

“You try again.” 

“Really? That’s what you did with Brad then? Did you guys try again?” it’s a innocent question, but Tony can hear a edge underneath. Like there’s something stuck on Clay’s throat, but he’s not completely sure he wants it out of there.

“No. Me and Brad, we…he’s a really good guy, but…I don’t—he’s not what I want right now.” 

“Really? What is it that you want then?” Clay stares at him and Tony feels completely naked. Exposed and vulnerable in a way he never did before. 

“Clay, I…” his phone beeps again, and Tony can see him smile while reading the text. Her text. Brad might not be what Tony wants, but clearly Tony isn’t what Clay wants either. Probably won’t ever be. So the sooner he forgets about his feelings the better. For both of them. “See what I mean?” he says while pointing at Clay’s phone. “You have classes with a lot of people that you don’t text with all the time. Me included.” 

“That’s because I am with you all the time. Why should I text you when I can just tell you stuff?” 

“We’re not together all the time.” He smashes the sofa can and throws it in the trash. “Not like before.” 

“Is hard for us to hang out when you’re going on your secret escapades. Maybe that’s why.” He says, finally releasing the truth stuck inside his chest. 

“What you mean by that?” 

“You, saying that you can’t hang out because you have to help your dad and things like that, when it’s not true. I’m not as clueless as you want me to be, Tony. My crazy witch eyes see a lot of things.” 

“What kind of things?” Tony inquires, growing increasingly worried. 

“Secrets.” 

He swallows dry. “Like what?” Tony’s on full desperation mode at this point. Clay knows something, he’s sure of it. What if he found out about Tony’s feelings, and he’s ready to spill everything he thinks about it? What if he hates Tony for it, and this is the reason why he’s been acting so distant lately? 

“Like the fact that you and Brad are still going out, even after you told me that you guys broke up.” 

He’s surprised with the outcome of the conversation.“You saw us?” 

“I didn’t have to. You were acting all weird and secretive. I knew something was up. I didn’t know what exactly. I might be fishing before, but ended up catching something” 

“That was sneaky of you, Clay.” He smiles and laughs a little, but Clay doesn’t join him. There’s still something bothering him, but Tony doesn’t know what it is. 

“I don’t understand why you lied to me.” Clay stares at him in total disbelief. Now Tony can see the extent of Clay’s discomfort. It’s written all over his face, like one of those bad gang tattoos he sees around his neighborhood. “I tell you everything, Tony. Everything! And you…you keep secrets from me. Lied! Like you did with Brad.” He stops and stares at the floor. Tony knows he’s preparing himself to say something that he’s not going to like to hear. “And if Brad isn’t family because of that, then neither am I.” Clay gets up from the futon and starts walking away. 

“Clay, that’s not—what I told you before—“ Tony holds Clay’s arm to stop him from leaving.

“No!” he pulls his arm away. “It doesn’t matter what you say, Tony. All the matters is what you do. You said that, didn’t you? And what you did was lie.” 

“Clay, I—“ he tries calling his friend but is useless. Clay is on his bike and gone within seconds. 

 

* * *

It’s late at night, almost midnight already, when Clay decides to stop obsessing over his fight with Tony. It won’t do any good. It won’t solve anything, so he might as well just drop it. From all the people on his life, the only one he thought would never lie to him was Tony. Just the person he trusted the most. The person that said that would die and kill for him. And that he felt the same way about. But if he was lying about this, such a simple thing, what else could he be lying about? Maybe he didn’t even care that much about Clay, and the only reason he was so keen on staying but his side, was because he felt guilty about Hannah.  
His phone rings, and he thinks it might be Tony, so he lets it aside. Tries to forget about it. He’s still not ready to talk to him. Maybe tomorrow when his anger was left to marinate for a while, he can gather the emotional strength to talk to Tony about it. The phone is beeping this time, insistently. One beep after the other, and he looks at the screen to see texts piling after one another. Curiosity spikes inside of him, and he is compelled to check, just to see what Tony wants to talk about. He looks at the screen closer this time, and sees Lilly’s name on it. She’s the one calling. 

“Hello?” he asks, unsure of the reason behind numerous calls and text messages. Lilly usually isn’t one to insist that much.

“Clay! You picked up!” she greets him, way more animatedly than she ever did, and Clay doesn’t know what to make of it.

“Lilly? Are you…ok?” 

There’s music on the background. Loud music. “Okay? I’m…so good, Clay. Oh my God, so good! You have no—why aren’t you here, Clay?” she asks, while fumbling with her words. 

“Where is ‘here’?” 

“Party, Clay. The party! Lilly confirms, still speaking way too loud.

“Lilly, are you at the party?” 

“Oh my God, are you deaf? I like…I just said that, Clay.” The noise in the background gets louder, like she’s been moving towards the sound this whole time. He can hear voices too. People singing, and people talking, but he can’t recognize them. 

“Who’s there with you?” 

She chuckles “I dunno. People. Guys. Girls.” 

“Lilly, are you—are you drunk?” 

“What? No!” Clay can hear another girl laughing with her in the background. Skye maybe? “I just took a little sip of the beer. ‘M not drunk.” 

“Fuck! Lilly, stay where you are.” He circles around the room looking for his sneakers. “I’m going to get you, ok?” 

She nods, but it’s not like Clay can see it. “Yes, Clay! Come have—ops, sorry. Didn’t see you there.” He listens as Lilly’s voice seems to fade away. He’s still in the line, waiting for her to say something else. Wishing that she will be ok until he gets there. Instead, he hears a voice that send chills down his spine. The bad kind. The kind that gives you nightmares while you’re still awake. It’s smooth, and easy on unsuspecting ears, and Clay knows that he needs to get there as fast as he can, because Bryce is there with her. 

 

* * * 

Clay is pedaling as fast as he can, but it still feels like it isn’t enough. Hannah’s voice is on his head again. She’s telling him, them, about Bryce and what he did to Jessica and then to her. His way past looking composed, and he knows for sure that his face is puffy from crying the whole way. He sees the old ice cream shop, and he knows that it won’t take long for him to get there now.

He feels his phone vibrating on his pocket, and thinking that it might be her, he stops to answer. But it isn’t. This time is Tony calling. “Tony, I—I can’t talk right now, ok?” his voice is rushed and tired, like he just finished running a marathon.

“Clay, were are you? Are you home?” 

“I’m almost at the party. Lilly’s here, Tony. I just—I might be imagining things, but I think I heard Bryce’s voice. I can’t let it happen again, Tony.” 

“Clay, slow down. Lilly’s at the party with Bryce?” 

“Not with—she was drunk, Tony. He got her drunk, I know he did it.” 

“Clay, just please, wait—“ 

“I can’t, Tony.” Is all he hears before Clay hangs up.

When Clay does get there, all he can see is a endless sea of inebriated teenagers, dancing sloppily to the rhythm of whatever song is playing at the moment.  
He looks around, but doesn’t find any familiar face. At least not one that would help him find Lilly. He decides to move around the house anyways. Sooner or later, he’s going to find her. He just hope that it won’t be too late when he does. Miraculously, he manages to find Angie in the kitchen, drunk out of her mind, but she says that the last time she saw Lilly was about ten minutes ago. She struggles with her half-formed words, but informs Clay that she heard Alice, another girl from their class, saying that she saw someone practically carrying Lilly. Upstairs. Clay panics when he realizes that his fears were indeed correct. Bryce had taken yet another one of his friends, and he was probably about to hurt her. “Fuck, I need to find her!”  
Like thunder and lightning altogether, Clay rushes upstairs and opens every door on his way. He finds two empty rooms, and another with a couple making out, before he finds the room where they’re supposed to be. Luckily for him, and Lilly, Bryce is arrogant enough not to care about being caught, so he finds the door not to be locked.  
Clay gets there just in time to find Bryce forcibly undressing Lilly’s absent body. He doesn’t know what exactly takes over him, but when he looks at Lilly, he thinks of Hannah and Jessica, and his rage is magnified times 100. “Get off of her!” he screams while grabbing Bryce’s arm, and pulling him away from her. “Let her go!”, he screams one more time. Bryce’s a bit drunk too, and the movement it fast enough to make him lose his balance, and he tips backwards. Using this as an advantage, Clay gives him one solid punch. He doesn’t even know where all that precision comes from, but he thinks that watching Tony practice on his punching bag might have something to do with it. He’ll thank him later.  
Clay is brought back to reality when Bryce’s fist comes at him full force, and next thing he knows, he’s on the floor, head far too heavy and confused to get up. He feels Bryce’s weight on top of him, and he already knows what comes next. Punch after punch, Bryce releases all his fury on him. The vision of Bryce is slowly fading, like he’s eyes are closing, but he doesn’t know why. He wants to keep them open. Wants to fight.  
Faraway he can hear a commotion. There’s a voice getting closer and closer. It’s familiar, but he can’t pint point exactly where it comes from. He dreams that it might be Tony. That he finally came to help, like the knight in shining armor that he is, so that Lilly will be save.

Tony takes a look at Clay’s face, and at the damage that Bryce already did on him. He only needs a split second to decide what to do. Maybe not even that. He’s pure instinct at that moment, his body moving like it has a mind of its own. “Leave him the fuck alone!” He is on top of Bryce within seconds. A full front, willing, and ready to protect Clay at any given time. He won’t take that. No one hurts Clay like that and stays unpunished.  
Bryce’s eyes are wide, angry, and they seem about to jump out the sockets, but Tony doesn’t care. He isn’t afraid of the consequences at this point. All he cares about, is avenging Clay, and Hannah and Jessica, and Lilly. Absentmindedly, he watches as his fist goes up and down on Bryce’s face, and each time it seems more covered in red than before.  
He can hear voices in the distance, but he doesn’t know what they’re saying. Not really. All he can hear is the ghost of Clay’s voice, calling to him. But what is it saying? He thinks that is says his name. Over and over, almost like a prayer. “Tony, please. Stop!” he hears it clearly this time, and as if commanded but Clay’s voice, he stops. 

Tony moves away from Bryce slowly. When he looks at the doorway, there are at least five people watching him like he’s the most dangerous creature they’ve ever seen. And maybe he is. “If you ever touch him again, I’ll fucking kill you. You hear me?” he screams at Bryce’s face, spits on it even. Spits his anger, his rage. Spits the blood that Bryce drew out of his mouth with a punch, but he gets nothing in return. Bryce doesn’t answer him. Doesn’t react. Doesn’t move. He’s as still as Lilly is on the bed. Passed out and completely unaware of the surroundings. At least he hopes that’s all that is. He thinks about leaning in to check if Bryce is still breathing, but Clay misunderstands his intentions, and holds onto him for dear life. His eyes are begging ‘Tony, please, enough.’ He can almost hear them saying, so he stops again.

“Tony…” Clay trails off, tears running down his face like a river.

“Wait for me in the car, Clay. I’ll take Lilly out.” Tony goes to the bed and takes Lilly on his arms like she weights close to nothing. Truth is, the adrenaline is still running trough his veins like hot lava, and he still doesn’t feel any damage of his fight with Bryce. He can already see all the phones pointed at him, recording his every move. At least Clay was gone before people started to record him. He fights his way trough the sea of flashing lights, and manages to get to Clay in the car. He gently lays Lilly on the backseat, and takes his place behind the wheel. “Do you know her address? We need to take her home.” 

Clay nods. “Her house is not far from here.” They drive just enough so they can get to a place where no one is there watching them. He tips his head backwards to look at Lilly. She looks sound asleep and blissfully unaware of the events of the night. Clay hopes that, If there is a God out there, she’ll stay this way till morning. He looks at Tony now, and sees him closing his fists around the steering wheel. He is dead silent, but when the street lights shine on his face, Clay can see a lone tear making its way down his bloody cheek. “Tony…” 

“I told you I couldn’t take him touching you again.” He says before Clay can finish. “I just—I lost it when I saw you lying there. Not moving. I thought he—” He clenches his fists a bit more. The adrenaline is starting to wear off, and he can feel a subtle prick of pain on his knuckles. “I told you that I hate fighting, and I wasn’t lying. But the truth is…violence comes easy to me, Clay. It’s almost…natura—“ 

“Tony, no!” he interrupts with a trembling hand on Tony’s dry lips. When he pulls back, he can see that his palm is dirty with a mix of blood and sweat. “That’s not who you are.” 

“Then tell me who I am, Clay. Cause I don’t know anymore.” He is full on sobbing now, and Clay just wants to throw himself on top of Tony and hold him tight. He would do anything to make him feel better. 

“You’re my best friend, Tony. That’s who you are.” Tony looks at him, so lost and so broken that he can’t fight it anymore. He opens his arms and envelops Tony fully. The position is awkward, and he feels the stick digging painfully on his leg, but he doesn’t care. All he cares about is Tony, and how to make him feel better now. A shiver runs down his spine when Tony sniffs the crook of his neck, but he still doesn’t move. He wants to be there for Tony no matter what. Times passes, but Clay’s not sure how long. It seems like eternity all wrapped up in one second, and finally Tony is somewhat calm. They stare into each others eyes, not sure of what to say, but Clay feels like is his time to take care of Tony for a change. “We should go, Tony. Lilly needs to be with her parents.” Tony cleans his face a little, takes a deep breath, and turns the car on. They drive for a while in silence, until Clay feels compelled to speak again. “Tony…what happens now?”

Without taking his eyes of the road, he says. “I’ll get arrested, Clay. That’s what happens.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay and Tony try to make sense of the events that happened at Alice's party, and how they will affect Tony's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's chapter is brought to you by Law & Order SVU *dun dun*  
> Lucky 13 drinking game. Drink a shot of whatever you want, every time you read a word you have no idea what it means, but it you google it, you can see it’s a real thing. I promise. Hopefully my years of watching crime shows, plus the research I did, were enough for me not to make any grossly horrible mistakes about all the legal stuff going on. But we shall see. The jury is still out on this one. (Get it? Get it?) XD My jokes are lame, I know. Sue me. (This was the last one, I promise,) 
> 
> Disclaimer. For the sake of this chapter, lets all assume that Tony has 3 stars behind his ear, not 4. Because of reasons, that you will understand shortly. Also, his mom’s name will be Lucia, because I don’t think they ever mentioned, so. Everyone, meet Lucia Padilla.  
> All mistakes are my own, cause I suck sometimes, and all that jazz. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter.  
> <3

They take Lilly back home, and luckily her parents are there. There are things that need to be done, and Clay doesn’t think that they would know how to help her through it. He doesn’t know all the details about it, but he does know that she needs to do a rape kit, take some pictures and do a blood test. Bryce probably wasn’t fast enough to actually rape her, but the exams will help find any trace he might have left on her body. Hopefully they will help find that he was the one who purposely got her drunk.  
Clay didn’t know Lilly that much, it was true. But he did know her enough to be sure that she wasn’t one to drink regularly, if at all. She said it herself, more than one time actually, that she didn’t like drinking alcohol, and had only tried it one time. She had find the taste simply awful, and never had more after that. Still, Clay couldn’t argue with what he heard, and saw. Something was definitely wrong with her, he just didn’t know what was that exactly. But he was going to find out.

“You should get inside.” Tony says once they’re parked outside Clay’s house. The street is dead silent, and even though they’re inside the car, Tony feels the sudden need to whisper. Like everything he say, might, and probably will be used against him. Especially now. “It’s late.”

“Tony, no.” Clay protests while staring at him. “Maybe you should stay with me tonight. I don’t want you to be alone.”

“And I don’t want you to get in any trouble because of me.”

“Because of you? I am the only reason you got in this fucking mess in the first place, Tony. If I haven’t answered your call and talked to you—”

“God knows what could’ve happened, Clay.” He interrupts, not even wanting to think of the many other possible scenarios. The many other horrible scenarios, where he didn’t get there in time and Bryce did whatever the fuck he wanted, with both of them. “Maybe something worse. And I would blame myself forever for not protecting you.”

“Tony, you’re not my bodyguard. You don’t have to make it your…life long call to protect me.”

“And still…it’s exactly what I feel I should do.” He confesses.

“Why?” Clay sighs, and looks away from Tony. “Am I so helpless that—“

“No, Clay. It’s not this. I know you can take care of yourself.”

“What is it then?”

“Clay, I…” He starts, but doesn’t know exactly how to explain this to Clay without making an even bigger fool of himself. A fool, desperately in love with his best friend. With his straight best friend. “Remember in 4th grade, when I still lived in that old house, by the river?” Clay nods, still unsure where Tony is going with this trip down memory lane. “And one day, we decided to just…take off, and live on the forest?” Clay makes squinty eyes, like he’s trying to paint a picture, but the paper is still blank in front of him. “And then this…crazy-ass storm begins, but you’re completely terrified of thunder.” Tony stops, and chuckles a little. The image of young Clay, with puffy eyes and red cheeks, is as terrifying to him as it is endearing. “And you’re crying your eyes out, and shaking and I have no idea what to do, so—“  
  
“We hide under that…that rock.” Suddenly, the picture appears so clear on his mind, that he can almost touch it. “The big one, with the tree roots all over it, right?” Tony nods, and smiles at Clay. “I had completely forgot about that.”

“You were freaking the fuck out. I mean…I had no idea what to do so I just…”

“You sang that lullaby to me.” He says to Tony, just as he remembered himself. “The one your mom used to sing to you. How was it again?”

“I don’t even remember anymore.” Tony lies. The memory is still fresh on his mind. Like it happened just yesterday, and Clay is still that tiny kid, with paper-white skin that bruises way to easily, and that hides behind him in school when he’s afraid to speak to others. “I know that this was like, ages ago, but…whenever I see you cry, or sad, I just…I think of that day.” He looks at Clay on the passenger’s seat , and their height difference steals a laugh from him. “You grew so much taller than me, but you still have the same eyes you had as a kid. Huge, and insanely blue, and I guess, I just…” He shrugs, and swallows a lump on his throat “I can’t help myself.”

“Tony, were are not in 4th grade anymore. I can take of myself, and I can take care of you, for a change.”

“I know you can, Clay.”

He gives Tony a look that is pure tenderness. “Then let me.”

“Clay…” he lets the name hang in the air, endless. He can’t find the strength to deny Clay any longer. Still, he fears that giving in to his pleas, might implicate him in many more ways than he can even begin to imagine.  
  
“I don’t think I want to be alone either…”

Tony resigns and gets inside with Clay. He wasn’t even supposed to be out this late, so they have to get through the window. Clay’s agility surprises Tony at first, but then he remembers that his friend is no stranger to late night escapades. Tony, himself, already climbed through Clay’s window more times than he can remember, but this time, he feels his muscles giving in. He has a hard time gathering the proper strength to hold onto the window, but Clay helps him give the final step.  
He can still taste blood, lower on his mouth, and he hopes that there was no damage to his teeth. He likes his smile as it is. With all his the teeth in the mix. His fight with Bryce was brutal. The older teen hit him full force a few times, before he went down himself. He’s pretty sure that the frail skin of his brow bone must be torn apart. “I look like shit.” He says when he gets a look of himself in the mirror. He has patches of dry lood all over his face. Some even on his shirt, but those he knows to be from Bryce’s blood, not his.

“Bryce looked much worse.” Clay meant it as a compliment, as if to say that, no matter how bad he looked, he still got Bryce what he deserved. But the phrase has the opposite effect on Tony, and he frowns. He thinks that now, even Clay can see just how violent he really is. And if the sea of phones served as any indication, the whole world would too. “We should get you cleaned up.” He hands Tony a fresh towel. “You shirt is clean, now. If you want it.”

“Anything’s better than this.” Tony removes his shirt unceremoniously, revealing his fit frame underneath. Clay knows he shouldn’t be surprise by it. He knows that Tony’s dad used to be a professional boxer, and that he has trained all the boy as hard as he used to. Clay himself, has seen Tony training and working out on many occasions, but still, he never saw his friend’s body like this. Or maybe he just didn’t notice before. “Clay…you’re staring.”

Clay shakes his head in order to get out of his trance-like state. “I’m sorry, I just…” he stops and still looks just as surprised. “When did you get these?” he asks, pointing at Tony’s subtle, but still visible, six pack.

“I always had these, Clay.”

“Nuh-uh. You didn’t have these on 4th grade.”

“I barely had teeth on 4th grade, Clay. Let alone abs.” His joke makes the mood a little lighter, and they both laugh.

“Fine. Go take you shower then.” He turns around just as Tony enters the bathroom. “I have some new boxers on the first drawer. You can have one if you want.” He says just loud enough so Tony will hear it over the pouring water. He starts putting some of his books back in place, and looking for the spare set of blankets for Tony to use when he wants to sleep. He can’t find the inflatable mattress that Tony always uses when he sleeps there, so he figures the’ll just have to share the bed. It’s a king size, so it’s not like the’ll have a problem with space. Just as he’s about to put the blankets on the bed, Tony gets out of the bathroom. His hair all yet and unstyled, falling over his eyes. But that is not the only thing that Clay notices. “You…you…got the boxers.”

“You said I could.” He answers, confused. He was sure that Clay said he could borrow them.

“No, I mean, yes! I—you can.”He reassures his friend. “Is just that…um…you’re…” He vaguely points at nowhere in particular. “That are no…pants…on top.”

“My pants are dirty, but I could put them if it makes you uncomfortable, or something.”

Clay thinks that something, is probably the most accurate way to describe it. “No, no. That’s fine. Sit there,” he points to the bed. “I’ll get the things.” Tony doesn’t know what those things are exactly, but he complies, and sits on the edge of the bed, facing Clay’s desk. Clay goes to the bathroom, grabs the peroxide from the counter, and some cotton balls, before he goes back to the room. Tony is sitting on his bed, the eyes fixed at an imaginary point on the wall. Clay pulls the chair from his desk, and sits opposite from Tony. Not too close to be all up on his personal space, but close enough that their knees are touching. He tries to remember what Tony did to him weeks ago when he was hurt, and gently dabs the cotton balls on some patches of blood. There’s a cut on the middle of Tony’s lower lip, and he stares at if for longer than necessary, before he applies the peroxide. Tony, hisses a bit, from the pain, and Clay takes his hand away, mouthing ‘sorry’ “You know I have no idea what I doing right? As far as I know I’m only making it worse.”

“Clay, you don’t have to do—“

“I know, but I want to.” He explains. “You just have to coach me through it.”

“You just need to be careful not to open any cuts. Especially the one on my eyebrow. It will bleed like crazy if you do.”

Clay smiles, and does as instructed, being extra careful on the cut over his brow bone. “How’d you know all this stuff, anyways?

“I have 3 brothers, and 4 nephews, Clay. There’s a lot of patching up wounds in my house.”

“I must be nice…” The sentence drags for a while, and Tony gives him a confused look. Clay lets out an awkward laugh, and the clarifies. “Not the wounds. I meant, growing up with a big family. It must be nice.”

Tony nods, now understanding what Clay meant. “Yeah, I mean, sometimes. I had a lot of people to play with, but dinner time was like World War II.”

“Who were you?” he asks, playing along to Tony’s analogy.

“Definitely not Germany, that’s for sure. I was more like Ireland, confused and afraid, trying to stay as neutral as possible.”

Clay nods, and then goes silent. He’s holding one of Tony’s hands, while cleaning the dry blood from his bruised knuckles. “When I was young, I used to watch the kids next door playing in their front yard. I was too shy to play, so I would stand near the window, and pretend that I was playing with them.” The memory causes him to chuckle lithely, but his heart is still tight inside his chest. “I was such a loser.”  
  
Tony timidly caresses Clay’s hand with the same one he’s caring for. “You feel lonely, Clay?” He watches as his Adam’s apple goes up and down, swallowing something that seems far too difficult for him, but he still doesn’t say anything.  
  
“All the time.” He answers, without looking Tony in the eyes.

“Clay…”

He does look at Tony this time. “There’s something missing, you know? I open my eyes in the morning, and the feeling seems so real…that I can almost put my finger on it. But every time I acknowledge it…is like… it vanishes.”

“Do you feel like this all the time, Clay?”

“No, not all the time. Not anymore, at least.” Not when I’m with you, goes unsaid. “I know you don’t feel this way, cause you have Brad and all—“

“We aren’t together anymore.” He says before Clay can continue. He wanted to tell him the other day, but their fight got in the way.

“Tony, I saw you guys together.” Clay sighs. “I told you, you don’t have to lie to me.”

“We were then.” Tony clarifies. “He gave me an…ultimatum type thing. He was hurting, and he wanted me to change. I tried but…I couldn’t do it in the end. He deserves much better than me anyways.”

“What was it? The thing that was hurting him?”

“It was…I, um…”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I don’t have to know everything, I just don’t want you to leave me in the dark anymore.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

“No more secrets between us, ok?” Tony stares at him, but doesn’t say anything. “Promise?”

He nods. “No more secrets.”

Clay nods too, and walks towards the drawer. “You usually get cold when you sleep, right?” Tony nods, but he doesn’t see it. “I have some pants in here that you could sleep in, if you want.” He turns back at Tony, and tosses the ball-shaped pants, like he was about to score a point. They end up hitting Tony right in the face, but he laughs, and puts them on. “I hope Lilly is ok.” He wishes, absentmindedly, while putting the cotton balls on the trash. “We should stay with her tomorrow in school, don’t you think?”

“I don’t think she’s going to be there, Clay. And to be honest…neither am I.”

“What are you talking about, Tony?” He turns back at Tony, confused. “You have to go! People need to see what Bryce did to you. What he almost did to Lilly.”

“What about what I did to him? Don’t you think people will see that too?”

“Yeah, but…everyone knows you only did it to save Lilly.”

“Clay, no one knows shit!” His voice gets out louder than he intended it, so he makes a mental note to speak with a lower volume next time. “All they will know is whatever lie Bryce spins around to his minions. And then, the whole school will turn against me.”

“No, Tony. This won’t happen.” Clay tries to reassure his friend.

“Clay, wake the fuck up!” Tony gets up from the bed this time. His words are harsh, but his tone is much softer than he imagined it would be. Although worried, and extremely angry at just about everything, he still can’t find it in him to treat Clay with any less care and adoration than he always does. “I don’t know in what…whitewashed fantasy reality you’re living in, but here, in the real world, things don’t work this way.” He steps closer, as if the lack of space between them, will make Clay understand him more easily. “Bryce is white, and fucking rich. Nothing’s going to happen to him! But me…I’m a nobody, Clay.” He shakes his head. Just now fully realizing how much trouble he’s in. “My dad owns an auto shop on a part of town that most people don’t even know exists, and my mom is a housewife to a family of seven people.” He takes a deep breath. “This is Trump’s America, Clay. This is a country for people like you, with pale skin, blue eyes, and a nice house in the suburbs. Do you think people will side with me, Clay? Not even you can be that naive.”

Clay stares at him unblinkingly. The flow of information was too much for him to handle at once, so he stops, turns back and sits on the edge of the bed. He closes his eyes, and takes a deep, necessary breath before he can speak. “It sounds like you’ve been holding this for a while.”

“This has nothing to do with you. Not entirely.” He sits by Clay’s side and rests his hand on top of Clay’s trembling knees. “It’s just that…sometimes…you don’t see how much different our lives are, Clay. And I’m not trying to shame you for having a good life. I know your parents worked hard to give you that, it’s just…my parents work hard too. So. Fucking Hard. But still…we don’t have the same chances you guys have. Because of who we are.”

“I…you’re right.” Clay nods, still trying to process everything. “I’m sorry.” His eyes are already filled with tears, and just as he blinks, it all falls down his cheeks.

“Don’t cry, Clay.” Tony brushes his fingers against Clay’s face, cleaning the trail left by the tears. “I hate seeing you like this. It breaks my fucking heart in half.”

“I’m sorry. It was just…I don’t know why, but I remembered Bryce beating you up, and all that blood, I just…I was so fucking scared something would happen to you.” His voice wavers, just from the memory alone, and he has to take a moment to recollect his thoughts. “I was never more scared in my life. Have you…have you ever felt this way?”

Tony nods, and swallows, hard. His throat is so dry, that it hurts him. “Yeah. When you first listened to your tape.” His eyes go blank, lifeless. Like just the thought of that, is enough top rob him of any happiness he’s ever had. “You were just there. Standing on the edge of the cliff, just…” He trails off. “I thought you were about to jump, and I couldn’t—I just…I was ready to jump after you if I had to. Anything to save you.”  
  
“You said I wouldn’t die if I fell from the cliff.”

“You wouldn’t. If you fell, but if you jumped…”

“Is there any difference?”

“I you wanted to jump—if you wanted to go, nothing would’ve stop you. It would just be a matter of when, not if.” He explains. “And this makes all the difference to me. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing that I wasn’t there to stop you.”

“That wouldn’t happen.” He concludes. “Not because I would never consider it, but because you are always there to catch me.”

Tony smiles. “I guess I am.”

Clay stares at him, not really sure why. Maybe simply because staring at each other has become somewhat part of who they are. His eyes wander through the honey of Tony’s irises , to the subtle freckles on his brown complexion, and they finally rest of the tender flesh of his neck. “What are they for? The stars?”

Absentmindedly, Tony touches his tattoo. “The holy trinity.” He explains. “Father, son, and— “

“The Holy Ghost, I know.” Clay interrupts him, smiling shyly. He might not be a religious person, but he is no stranger to religion. At least not to the most known aspects of Christianity. “I know what the Holy Trinity is, Tony.” He says while gently brushing the tip of his finger on top of the mark. It sends a warm shiver down Tony’s spine, and he shakes his body as if to make it stop. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, no. It was just…”

“Did it tickle?” Clay asks. Is all innocence and genuine worrying in the surface, but Tony can almost swear that he hears a subtle flirting note underneath. Still, he nods, because, what else could he say? “Maybe I should do one too.”

“A tattoo? I thought you didn’t like them.”

“Not just a tattoo. The starts.”

“You don’t even believe in god, Clay.”

Clay shrugs, and then agrees. “True. But I have a Holy Trinity too.”

Tony looks at him, half intrigued half concerned. “What? Luke, Leia and that other guy?” He teases Clay, lightly, with no real venom to it. “That’s such a fucking blasphemy, Clay.”

“No.” He says, and then points at Tony, and back at himself. “Me and you.”

Tony’s face goes completely blank, and he feels like he should hold his chin in place, so it won’t fall down and roll into the floor. “Clay, this…” Tony closes his eyes and shakes his head, one, two, three times. A hundred if it was necessary. Anything to help him focus on what Clay is saying, rather than on how beautiful his lips looked when he said ’me and you’. “There’s still one star missing, Clay.”

Clay shakes his head once, and then smiles. “We have our own Holy Ghost, too.”

Clay is just inches aways from him. They’re so connected at this point, that Tony can swear that their heartbeats have synced to one another. His lips are just there, so close, almost as if waiting to be claimed by his. He looks up, at Clay’s eyes, and he can definitely see just pure adoration, all wrapped up in blue, staring back him. But still, he knows that this feeling isn’t the same to him. He has no doubt that Clay loves him, would probably even do anything for him, but as friends. And most of all, he knows not to take advantage of someone who bares his soul at him so easily, and openly, as Clay does every single day. He could never betray such a feeling. “I should go, Clay.” He says instead, and Clay frowns. “I didn’t talk to my parents yet, and I have a lot of explaining to do.”

“Are you sure it’s the best thing to do?”

“Definitely. This is the best to do for both of us.” He answers, talking about more than just his parents.

  
***

Clay wakes up with a loud ringing close to his ears. Someone is calling him, and from what he vaguely remembers from the dream he had, has been for a while. He picks up the phone, certain that is Tony on the other end, but it’s surprised to see Alex’s name on the screen. He hasn’t talked to the other boy ever since he got out of the hospital. He should have though. Should’ve called. Alex didn’t return to school after that, it was true, but he could’ve visited him. They weren’t exactly friends, but he was still hurting. Like Hannah was.

“Hello?” he asks, a bit unsure, not having the faintest idea why Alex is calling him out of nowhere.”

“Clay?”

“Yeah, it’s me. You okay?”

“I’m home bound, recovering from a self inflicted gunshot to the head. What you think?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean—I just wanted to know how you were doing, aside…”

“Alive.” There’s a moment of silence, and neither of them say anything. Clay is starting to think that Alex hung up, and he finally speaks. “But this is not why I’m calling you.”

“Um…okay…”

“It’s about Tony. My father arrested him early today. He’s at the police station right now. Just thought you wanted to know.”

“He’s—what? Is he alone?” he asks, starting to panic.

“This I don’t know. But he’s a minor, so probably not.”

“Alex, I—thank you.”

“It’s fine.” Is all he says before he hangs up.

  
Clay practically jumps out of his bed, and puts the first clothes that he can find near him. He runs out of the room, and is five seconds away from a meltdown, when he finds his mom reading on her bed. “Mom, please you have to help him.”

The sudden noise startle her, and her glasses fall form the top of her head. “Clay, what’s happening? Who needs help?”

“Tony, mom. You have to help, please.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“He was arrested mom. Just now.” He walks around the room, in circles, looking for nothing in particular. Clothes for her, maybe, but he can’t muster the clarity of mind to find any. “We have to go there, mom. We have to take him out of there.”

“What did he do, Clay?” She asks, already out of bed, and putting a pair of pants on.

“He beat up Bryce, but he was trying to help. He was trying to help, mom.”

“Bryce?” The name sounds strangely familiar to her. In a bad kind of way. “The one that…”

“Yes! The one who raped Hannah and Jessica.”

“Tell me everything you know, Clay. Don’t leave anything out.” She tells him, looking her son straight in the eyes.

“Ok.” He takes a deep calming breath, as he tries to recollect all the events as best as he can. “Our friend Lilly was invited to a girl’s birthday party yesterday. She wanted me to go, but I didn’t, and she went with another friend instead. She called me somewhere around midnight…but she sounded weird. Drunk. But she does’t drink, mom! So I went there to pick her up.”

“You sneaked out?”

“Bigger picture, mom. Bigger picture.” She rolls her eyes at him, but doesn’t say anything else. Instead, just waits for him to go on. “I got there, but I couldn’t fin her anywhere. So I asked her friend, and she said she saw her being carried upstairs. By a guy. I looked at every room, until I found her with Bryce, and he was…he was about to…” he feels the contents of his stomach trying to jump out his mouth, so he stops for a while. “We started fighting, but he was beating me up, and then Tony showed up, and then they started fighting.”

“Was Tony already at the party?” his mom asks, when he stopped to take a breath.

“No. He called me, because he wanted to talk, and I told him what was happening and where I was.”

“And he went after you.” She completes, and Clay nods.

“Yes! He knew I was going to get into trouble, mom. It was my fault. The whole thing!”

“Ok. Is there anything else?”

He thinks about it for a good full minute, without saying anything else. Should he tell her? “Um, maybe. I don’t know for sure if it’s out there already, but some other kids recorded the whole fight on their phones. There might be videos of it.”

“Ok. We should go now.”

***

Clay is practically vibrating on his seat the whole way. He begs his mom to cut through the red signs, but she denies his requests. They already have enough legal trouble on their hands as it is. Luckily the police station isn’t that far, and they only take ten minutes to get there. Clay almost jumps out of the car as soon as his mom parks in front of the station. He doesn’t even waits for her before getting inside. “Where is him?” he practically screams at Sherif Standall, as soon as he can see him. “Tell me where he is.”

“Calm down, son. Who are you talking about?”

He’s about to speak again, when his mom puts her hand on his shoulder, and squeezes a little. It’s his cue to stay quiet and let her handle things. “Sheriff, good afternoon, we’re here to see Tony Padilla.” She informs, using her reassuring lawyer-voice. “Are his parents here already?”

“They sure are, ma’am. In the waiting room. Waiting.”

“Could you please call them for me. They know me. I’m a friend of the family.”

“I want to see him.” Clay practically demands, ignoring his mom’s signs.

“He’s a minor. Only parents or legal guardians can see him.”

“Sheriff, please. They’re best friends. He won’t cause trouble. Just five minutes.” She tries to reason with him.

“The law is the law ma’am. Figured you from all people would get that.”

“This is bullshit!” Clay snaps at him. “Tony’s locked up when you let a rapist walk. Twice.”

“This is a very serious accusation, son. Don’t go trowing this around.” It’s a clear warning, but Clay decides to ignore it.

“I’m not trowing anything around. It’s the true. And I’m going to prove it.” He confronts him one last time, before moving away from the Sheriff. Seconds after that, Clay can see Mr. And Mrs. Padilla walking towards them. Tony’s mom is crying, and she hugs him as soon as he is withim arms reach. “My mom is here to help him, Mrs. Padilla.”

“Oh, Lainie, Dios sea alabado! No tienes ni idea—M'hijo—“

“I know, Lucia. I know. But I’m here to help him, and I’ll do anything that I can for him.”

“They booked him, like a criminal.” She dies her tears with the palms of her hands. “But he’s a good kid. My Tony is a good kid.”

“I know, Lucia.” She hugs her one more time. “Did they say anything about a hearing?”

“Yes, they did.” Tony’s dad says from behind them. “They will take him to the judge soon. We were trying to get one of my cousins to be his lawyer, but he isn’t any good. I’m glad you’re here, now.”

“Ok. Clay filled me in about what happened, but I’ll need your permission to talk to Tony. To be his lawyer.”

“Sure, you can talk to him.” Tony’s dad says, and Lucia nods, confirming as well.

She turns back at her son. “Clay, I’ll need you to go home.”

“I’m not going!” he protests.

“Clay, this can take several ours, and I need you to be in home when I get there.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re grounded, remember? I’m helping your friend, but you’re going to have to do what I tell you. Do you understand?”

Clay isn’t happy about it, but he nods either way. He briefly talks to Lucia one last time, and them turns around and leaves. Lainie is briefly worried about him being alone in such a state, but she has to trust that he’ll do what he promised her. She probably won’t go back home until late at night, but there’s enough food for him in the fridge, and if he still doesn’t like anything, he can always order in.  
Tony’s parents are a mess of tears and dry lips, but she can’t blame them. Anyone would be terrified to have their son locked up in jail, like a criminal. And there are a lot of factors working against Tony on this case. Two of them being the video of the assault, and the Warren twins being hired by Bryce’s family. They’re simply the best, and most expensive, criminal lawyers in the whole state. They weren’t in it to lose, but good thing is, that she wasn’t either.

“Your honor, If I may speak,” The judge nods. “My client is a minor, with no prior record. He is not a flight risk, or a threat to himself of others. It’s clear that this is just a misdemeanor, and Mr. Padilla is ready to accept the consequences of his actions.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure Mrs. Jensen.” One of the Warren twins says, looking at both her and the judge. “We are ready to prove that the defendant, not only had a persistent vendetta against our client, but went to that party with the specific intent of murdering Mr. Walker.”

“First degree attempted murder? Your Honor, that’s absurd!” She proclaims. “There wasn’t any kind of unlawful violence taking place. The prosecution have no means to prove that my client had any malice aforethought, or any intent whatsoever. Nothing, absolutely nothing, indicates that his actions were premeditated.”  
  
“Your Honor, we have extensive video evidence of the brutality of the assault committed against our client, and witnesses that are ready to testify, in open court, that the defendant had, in prior occasions, not only harassed, but threatened the life of our client.”

“None of those video evidences can prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, that my client was at the scene to commit the alleged attempted murder. No weapon is shown with my client, or anywhere near him, and no other injures appeared on Mr. Walker’s forensic medical examination, that could indicate such allegations.”

“No more injures were found simply because the defendant’s actions were interrupted.”

“That is ridiculous, You Honor!” she interrupts the taller Warren twin before he can go any further. “The prosecution can’t argue they knew Mr. Padilla’s intentions without any direct action, to indicate such intentions in the first place!”

“Mrs. Jensen, I urge you to calm down.” Judge Carter orders her.

She takes a deep breath, and tries to calm down. She’ll need all the cold blood she can muster. “It’s very clear what the prosecution is trying to do here, Your Honor. They are pushing these false allegations in order to get my client to be charged as an adult. Allowing them to do so, would not only be irresponsible, but extremely damaging to the life of this young man.”

“You’re not the judge of that counselor. I am.” The judge says with a tone that is calm, but with just enough hint of venom, for her to know that he is not happy with what she just implied. “The defendant will undergo a hearing to determine the fate of his accusations. Until that, he is free to return home, but can’t either leave the state or the country. The session is adjourned.”

***  
Clay is drowning on a pool filled all the way with his anxiety, when his mom enters the room. She has that serious look on his face, like when she first found out about the tapes from Tyler. But after noticing how stressed he looks, her expression softens a little. “So, how was it? Is he out already?”

“Yes, but only to wait for the hearing.”

“I don’t understand. Wasn’t this a hearing already? Why does he need another one?”

“This was a preliminary hearing, so both the prosecution and the defense can lay out the case to the judge, so he’ll decide what to do.”

“And?”

“Bryce’s lawyers…they’re pushing for an accusation of first degree attempted murder.”

“Murder? What the hell—I don’t know what this means.”

She puts a hand on his shoulder, so he will calm down. “They are pushing for this more severe accusation…because they want to charge him as an adult.”

“But he’s only 17, mom. Like me.” Clay adds.

“I know, Clay. But depending on the severity of their alleged crimes, or other circumstances, minors can be charged as adults.”

“And what happens if he’s charged this way?”

“If he’s convicted, he’ll receive a harsher sentence, and the conviction will remain on his record. For the rest of his life.”

“So everyone would think he’s a criminal?”

“Clay…he did commit a crime. I saw the preliminary medical report made on Bryce. His nose was broken, and also two of his ribs. Tony assaulted him.” She tells him with as much finesse as she can.

“Mom, that is such bullshit! Bryce was beating me up, mom. He was about to rape Lilly when I got there! Rape mom!” He throws his arms around, back and forth. Not knowing what to do will all his piled up frustration. “Fuck! Why can’t you adults see how much of a monster he is? All Tony did was protect me, mom.”

“I know that, sweetheart. And that’s what I’ll argue on his hearing. He was acting in the defense of another. Therefore, his actions were justified, in order to stop a crime for happening”  
  
“Will they believe it?” he asks, more calmly this time.

“The one I have to convince is the Judge. But I won’t lie to you, Clay. Judge Carter, he…he went to college with Bryce’s dad. They’ve been friends for years.”

“So he will decide on Bryce’s favor? He will let a fucking rapist walk, again, because he’s friends with his dad?”

“I don’t know this, Clay. But Judge Carter is known for…usually siding with others similar to him.”

“You mean rich people?” Clay’s mom looks at him, but doesn’t answer. “What prove they have against Tony?”

“They have the video.”

“Only this?”

“The video evidence is extremely compelling, Clay. Specially because this particular video, shows Tony hitting Bryce while he’s down. I know you said that Tony was defending you and your friend, and I believe you. I know Tony. I know that this isn’t him.”

“What can we do then?”

“Our best hope now is to find someone who has the full video. Not only the part where Tony…you know.” She says, while rubbing her temples repeatedly. She could already foresee a massive headache on the near future. So much for a quiet Sunday with her family.

“Mom, I know that I’m grounded…” Clay starts, testing the waters. “But could you please let me go see him. I promise that I’ll do the dishes for a whole month, for a whole year if you want. Just please…let me go see him.”

Clay’s mom isn’t sure if she’s ever seen such devotion of her son’s face. She vaguely wonders if they truly are only best friends, but the specifics mean very little to her actually. All she knows, all she needs to know, is that Clay found someone that loves him just as much as he loves them. No matter what is the nature of that love exactly. “I’ll let you see him,” Clay’s face lights up at her words. “—If, you stop with the sneaking around and the secrets. All I want is to help you, Clay. But you need to let me. Deal?” Clay nods, and he’s about to get up and leave, but his mom holds a hand up, to stop him. “You don’t have to go far.” She smiles. “Tony is downstairs with his parents.”

“He’s…is he alright?”

“You can ask him yourself.” She turns, and walks towards the hall. “Tony, could you please come up for a while?” She calls to him and waits in the doorframe until he gets there.

“Clay…”

“Tony…”

They say, practically in unison, like the twins from The Shining. He had just seen Tony a couple of hours ago, but somehow, it seems like years passed since he went to bed. It feels like that as well. And he knows Tony can feel it too, because he looks just as happy as he looks terrified to see Clay again. Like it was something he never expected to do again. He wants to say a million things, and probably to ask a million more, so he gives a small step forward, but stops on his tracks when he remembers that his mom is still there. Looking at them like she’s watching a brand new show on the Discovery Channel. Clay suddenly feels embarrassed, too exposed in front of them, so he looks down. Tries to hide the vibrant blush on his cheeks.  
His mom smile, and laughs a little. Kids.

  
“Just this time,” She says while holding the doorknob. “I’ll close the door.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re curious, this is the lullaby that Tony sings to Clay.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUK3wkY45OM 
> 
> <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Clay finally get to talk after he's back from the police station. Meanwhile, Lainie receives a surprise visit on her office, that might bring answers to all the questions she was having.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, folks! How are u doing? This chapter wasn't brought to you by any crime show, but that's ok. We're still gonna have some of that in the future.  
> So, since Mr. Padilla didn't have a name as well (at least I don't think he has) I also gave him one. His name is Carlos, guys.  
> I also gave other names to someone, but I won't tell for now. huahuaha  
> For the anon that talked to me one time about Clay playing with Tony's rings, there's something in this chapter for you. <3
> 
> I'm kinda tired of saying that all mistakes are mine and whatever, so for now on, let's all assume this, even though I didn't say it.  
> I hope you all like it! 
> 
> <3

Clay watches, unblinkingly, as his mother closes the door behind her. Still listens for a second, after she’s gone, just to make sure that she can’t hear them anymore. What Clay is hoping to hide from her knowing ears, he isn’t sure. But he figures that, after what happened with Tony, is best to always be aware. Always. You never know when something you say can be used against you. Or worst, against someone you love. When he can hear her careful steps going down the stairs, he knows that they won’t be bothered now.  
His eyes wander back at Tony, and he seems to be waiting for…something. Clay doesn’t know what that is as well, but there are so many things that Clay doesn’t know or understand, that he has learned not to hold it against himself. At least not before he can see the whole picture. Still, something seems to be gluing Clay on his spot. He tries to move his feet forwards, but has no response from his frail limbs. Tony’s arms are halfway opened, just hanging in the air, but Clay still doesn’t move an inch.  
For a brief moment, Tony looks scared, lips trembling, like he’s about to fall apart. Like he has taken all he was able to, and now is the time to finally resign. His arms fall down, and he looks at the empty space between the two of them, defeated. Is only then, that Clay seems to regain control of his own body, and in a second, ends the distance between them. Their bodies collide with such force, that Tony loses his balance at first. But he doesn’t seem to care about it. Clay’s embrace is so warm and welcoming, that it overwhelms all his senses. Tony closes his eyes, and finally allows himself to feel. The fear of being taken, of staying there, alone, and never seeing Clay again. The relief of finally leaving the police station, and the love from Clay’s arms around his body, protecting him. “I can’t believe they took you.” He whispers into Tony’s neck, while gently brushing his pale fingers, on his now messy hair. “I was so fucking afraid, Tony.” 

“Me too, Clay.” He pulls back a little, and holds Clay’s face with both of his hands. He doesn’t apply any force, but Clay still goes frozen solid under his touch. Like Tony’s hands are an iron prison around his temples, but strangely, one he doesn’t want to leave. Ever. “I thought I was going to stay there forever.” 

“That wouldn't happen!” Clay says, maybe a little to excitedly, trying to shift the somber mood to something a little more appeasing. “I would’ve camped outside the police station!” He begins saying, like he is reading from a recipe book of ‘How to take your best friend from prison, and other idiotic ideas’ by Clay Jensen. Patent pending. “—Stole a piece of bread, or…” He stops and thinks what other things he would’ve done in order to help Tony. Or at least not leave him alone there. “I would’ve marched all the way to Starbucks, waited for two hours in line to get that pink thing everyone’s been talking about, just to trow it at the Sherif’s face.” He makes an accomplished face. Like he had actually just did all the things he talked about. “Just like…wham! Right at his face.” 

Tony laughs loudly at Clay’s attempt of a fictional criminal life. And Clay, distantly, wonders if there really isn’t a God out there, somewhere. Because seeing Tony’s smile, and hearing his laugh again, sounds exactly like the answer to a prayer he never even made. “Wow, Clay!” Tony laughed so much to the point of crying, and he cleans the tears from the corner of his eyes. “You’re quite the criminal, aren’t you? Throwing caffeinated beverages at people’s faces.” He makes an exaggerated impressed face. “Officer, please, arrest this maniac!” 

Clay crosses his arms in front of his chest, like he’s actually offended by Tony’s mockery. “Well, I’ve been told that I turned into quite the bad boy.” 

He laughs again. “Who told you that? Your mom?” 

“Hey!” Clay complains. “I could be bad.” 

“Sure.” Tony mocks him. “You could be bad, like Michael Jackson on that music video. Dancing around with a group of friends, wearing lots of leather and shiny belts, but that’s it.” 

“Please.” He rolls his eyes. “Like I could pull that off. I’ll leave the all the leather usage for you.” 

Clay sits on the edge of the bed, and then launches his back against the soft mattress, arms open, looking at the ceiling. “How did you even know I was there?” Tony asks from where he is, near the desk where Clay usually does all his studying. And some other non-school activities, as well. “I didn’t have time to call you or anything.” 

“Alex called.” He answers, still looking at the ceiling. “He told me his dad had arrested you.”

“Alex, really? That was really nice of him” 

Clay nods, and goes back to sitting on the bed.“Yeah. He was a real life safer.” He found it difficult to talk to Tony without looking at his face. 

“And so was you.” Tony says to him, but is met with a puzzled look from Clay. He sits beside Clay, on the edge of the bed, so their faces can be somewhat leveled while they talk. “Yeah, you! Without your mom there I would’ve been completely fucked. It would be up to my moron cousin to be my lawyer. And let me tell you, he wouldn’t be able to clear my name if my life depended on it.” 

Clay looks down, to the place where the side of his leg is touching Tony’s, and without really knowing why, he takes Tony’s hand on his, and brings closer to him. Tony always has a lot of rings on his fingers, but it just hits him now, that he actually never really took a closer look at them. Just at Tony’s hands. They are all silver, and even though his skin has an warm undertone, they look good against his brown complexion. Really good. Like they were always meant to be there. His eyes travel through the length of his fingers, and rest on the tip, were Clay notices how much shorter Tony’s nails are. “You were nervous there.” Tony seems too distracted with whatever it is that he’s thinking about, so he just looks a Clay, confused. “In the police station. You were nervous.” He explains. 

“I was arrested, Clay. This was kind of a given.” 

“No, I mean…to the point where you bit your nails.” He holds them in front of Tony as evidence. “They’re much shorter than before.” 

He inspects his nails and notices that yes, they are much shorter than they used to be “I guess I did.” A few of them have been bitten to the point of hurting his cuticles, and he can see the small patches of dry blood on top of the freshly healed skin. “How did you know my nails were shorter?” 

He shrugs. “I look at your hands a lot, I guess.” Clay says, while still holding Tony’s hand. But this time, not really doing anything instead of just…holding it. 

Suddenly there’s an entire movie being played inside of Tony’s head. Like the highlights of their moments together, accompanied by some sappy melody he can’t quite place where is from. He thinks that it might be from whatever BSB song his sister was listening to the other day, and he curses himself in silence, for still wondering which one of the members would be Clay’s favorite. This is so not the time for this. “Oh, yeah. I guess I’ve never noticed it before.” He plays it like is not big deal, but it is to him. The movie inside his head continues, and he remembers the times where he was driving, hands steady on the steering wheel, and Clay’s eyes locked to them. Unblinkingly, but somehow still serene. He also remembers the numerous times when Clay would simply hold his hand, not for any particular reason, at least he doesn’t think so. But simply for the sake of touching it. He looks at his hands, and wonders what is it about them that seems to fascinate Clay so much. “You like my hands, Clay?” He asks, a genuine wonder, because hands are just hands. And his can’t be all that special. 

 

As per usual, he shrugs. “I don’t know. I mean…they are strong.”He says, even though it’s not an answer. “Kind of rough, too. Calloused I think is the right word, actually.” He corrects himself, even though Tony wouldn’t care that much about the proper term. Not when Clay’s hands are still exploring his, and they are side by side, connected from toe to hipbone. He doesn’t think he’s ever been this close to Clay before. “They are bigger than mine too. Even though I’m taller than you.” 

He wears a grin on his face, but Clay can’t see it. “Well, you know what they say about big hands.” He jokes, but as usual Clay doesn’t get it. He just stares at Tony, his face completely blank, waiting for him to explain. “Never mind.” He shakes his head. “I work with cars all day long, Clay. That’s why my hands are like this” 

“My hands are soft. Too soft..” He says this time, looking at his own hand, but still not letting go of Tony’s.

“Is this bad?” 

“I don’t know. It’s not really a…man thing, you know? To have hands this soft. To be all…frail and gangly as well.” 

“Being frail and gangly is part of your charm, Clay.” 

“I have a charm?” Clay asks him, curious. 

Tony nods at him. “You do. You’re manly, but just in a…less obvious way.” 

“Yeah, like your sister and Skye.” He gives Tony an unhappy look. “Probably even them are more manly than me.” 

“Why are you all worked up about that? Did something happen?” 

“Aside from the fact that you said I wasn’t a man?” 

“I said that? When did I say—I don’t think I said that, Clay.” Tony searches high and low inside his memory, and for the life of him, can’t remember ever saying something like that to Clay. 

“Yeah, you did. In the cliff.” He clarifies. “You were all like ‘you’re going there or not, Clay? Aren’t you a man?’ 

“Clay…I just said anything that would get you up there.” He explains. “I didn’t mean it, not really. You don’t have to fit into anyone’s stereotypes or expectations.” He looks at Clay, pointedly, hoping that his words will get through him. 

“It’s easy for you to say. You’re like this…fur ball of nonconformity.” Tony laughs at him, but still looks somewhat confused. As if unaffected by his friend’s laugh, Clay goes on. “Fighting the stereotypes and the patriarchy. All while driving your mustang, listening to Nirvana, and kissing your mixed race boyfriend.” 

“That was oddly specific, Clay. How long have you’ve been sitting on this little speech of yours?” 

He shrugs, but is all in good wholesome fun. “A while.” 

“But really, you don’t have to.” He rests one hand on the nape of Clay’s neck, and soothes the skin underneath. “Gangly or not, you’re…you’re perfect.” Clay shakes his head a bit, as if to contradict Tony’s statement, but without voicing any words. His mouth is far too dry for him to be able to say anything. Tony’s hand is still on his neck, and as if he’s out of his own body, Clay watches as their faces seem to approach each other. The movement is awfully slow and unpatterned, but is there. Taken by an uninvited uncertainty, Clay looks down and hides his blushing face from him. His cheeks feel like scalding lava, and Clay could swear that he must have a fever or something. Tony takes this as a cue that he has, somehow, crossed a red light when he wasn’t even driving in the first place, so he kisses Clay’s forehead instead. Clay has a hand on the denim of his thigh, and he’s squeezing the fabric between his fingers, so Tony clears his throat, and backs away a little. Gives Clay some room, even if he seems lost when Tony’s hands are no longer on him. “I—how…how’s Lilly by the way?” 

“Oh, um…she’s—thankfully, Bryce wasn’t able to actually…you know.” He doesn’t say the word out loud, this time, but he doesn’t have to. “She told me that the doctors found some…I don’t know, like…drugs on her system. Like those…date rape drugs,” he finally remembers “So that’s why she was all confused and stuff. She also doesn’t remember pretty much anything.” 

Tony sighs. “I don’t know what is worse, remembering everything or not remembering anything at all.” Tony sighs, pondering over both options and realizing that it doesn’t even matter. They are both equally bad, and neither of them would change the fact that something did happen to Lilly. Even though Bryce wasn’t fully successful on his wicked attempts, the trauma will still be there. Fresh, like the cut on his lips, and the purple bruise on Clay’s right eye. “We should go see her.” 

Clay nods, but soon after, he remembers. “I don’t think I’ll be able to go. At least not for now.” 

“Why?” 

“I’m grounded.” He says, matter-of-factly. 

“You’ve been grounded since the tapes, Clay. It’s not like you ever took it seriously.” 

“Well now I have to.” He reaffirms. “My mom said that she would help you, but only if I truly respected her authority. No sneaking out anymore.” He takes a intentional dramatic pause, but then smiles. “For now.” 

“Well, as soon as this shit is all over, I’ll be waiting for you in the middle of the night, so we can drive around the city.” Tony tells him, with a smile on his face, and way less worried lines than when this whole conversation started. 

“I’ll be ready.” 

There’s a gentle knock on the door, and they both turn to it. “Tony, your parents are waiting for you downstairs.” Clay’s mom says, as she slowly enters the space. “I gave them some pointers about your case, but if you still have any questions, you can talk to me about it.” 

Tony nods, and smiles. “Again, thank you, Mrs. Jensen. I wouldn’t know what to without your help. You really did save me.” 

“Well, Clay’s the one you should thank, really. He basically dragged me out of bed as soon as he found out, and didn’t leave me alone until I agreed to help you.” 

“Mom…” Clay calls to her, face already turning red.

Just because she feels like teasing Clay a bit further, she goes on. “I’m pretty sure he would have renegaded me as his mom, if I’ve said no.” 

“So, Tony, you have to go, right?” Clay interrupts her speech, before she can embarrass him any further.

“I do.” Tony is about to leave, but he stops on his tracks. “Can I call you later?” Clay looks at his mom and waits for her response. She nods, so he does the same to Tony. “Okay, then. Bye.”

Clay watches from the doorway, as Tony goes down the stairs to meet his parents at the bottom. As if knowing that he had a set of eyes on him, he looks up and stares back at Clay. They don’t smile at each other, not with their lips at least, but Lainie can see that their eyes do most of the talking. She also can’t help but noticing, how Clay seems to, unconsciously, hold his breath whenever Tony is in the same room as him. There’s a tightness on her chest. But the good kind. Like she’s watching, patiently, as a rare flower blooms in front of her eyes, but also hoping that the harsh elements around it, won’t be enough to destroy it altogether. 

“I think that maybe I should go to bed now?!” Clay half says, half asks. He still isn’t sure of how to go about their new arrangement. They didn’t get into the specifics of his punishment just yet.

“Clay, can I ask you something?” She asks before he can get inside his room, and he nods back, still in the doorway. “You and Tony…” she lets the question hang, hoping that her son will get the point she’s trying to make. She waits for couple of seconds, but gives up shortly after. Clay and the point live in completely different countries. They will never find each other without her help. 

“What about me and Tony?” He asks, finally.

“You guys seem to be very…close, right?” 

“Yeah. We’re best friends, mom. Why?” Clay asks, confused. 

“Nothing, really.” She looks deep inside his blue eyes, and realizes that maybe he’s not ready to get the point. Not just yet. As a mother, she would do anything to make Clay’s life as easy as possible. Would avoid any heartache, and provide the answer to all of his questions. But she also knows that some lessons in life, he’ll need to learn by himself. And when it comes to this, maybe all she can do is give him the ticket, and hope that, eventually, he’ll make the journey where he needs to go. “All I wanted to say is that…both me and your father, we really approve of your friendship with Tony.” 

“Thanks?” 

“He’s a remarkable young man, and I will do all I can to help him, Clay.” She hugs him “Trust me.” 

“I do.” He hugs her back. “Thank you, mom.” 

 

* * *

Lucia is in the kitchen, making Tony a grilled cheese. His favorite comfort food. Tony’s abuela used to say that there was very little in life that a plate of homemade food couldn’t fix. Especially if made by one’s mother. Lucia could definitely use her guidance right now. They did everything right. Raised Tony and all their kids with good manners and good values, but still, life had turned against them. God had turned against them. Tony could be put in prison, simply for defending someone against a predator. For any normal person the prerogative made no sense. How could he be facing such harsh accusations, when he saved an innocent girl of being raped? The picture made more sense, though, when all the parts were put in place. The predator in question, was a rich withe boy, from a rich white family. And Tony, and his family, were just commoners in the eyes of people like Bryce.  
The only good part about this, if she could even say such a thing, was that Lainie was there to help them, and to make sure that her Tony would get the best defense possible. Lainie really was a God sent. And so was Clay.

 

“Mamá, can I speak with you? Is important. ” 

“Estas bien, mi amor?” His mom asked. It was a bad sign when your son, that had just been arrested, asked if he could talk to you about something important. 

“Si, it’s just…” He sits down. “I don’t really know how to say this, but…um.” He gets back up again.” 

“Mijo, you are giving me a headache.” 

Tony stops and takes a deep breath. If he really is going to do this, now is the time. “I…I’m gay.” 

Lucia goes extremely quiet. More quiet than Tony has ever seen her, and he doesn’t know exactly how to feel about it, but mostly thinks that it isn’t a good sign. “Mi amor…I…kind of knew that already.” 

“What—how?” he asks, confused.

“Well, for starters, you never liked any of the dozens of girls that were crazy about you. Dozens!” She makes a point to repeat, just so he will know the amount of girls that were interested in him. “I mean, Maria’s daughter, she’s lovely, and I heard she’s very loose as well, and even then—” 

“I could just not like her type.” He interrupts her, not really wanting to hear the rest of the sentence. 

“I guess that could be true.”She ponders, even if it doesn’t make much sense. Maria’s daughter was everyone’s type. Everyone that liked girls, of course. “But when you were young, you told me you wanted to adopt a puppy with that guy from that movie you like. Greasy? What is the name again, mijo?” 

“John Travolta?” 

“Yes, that guy!” She says, laughing a bit. The image of a small Tony, with his eyes glued to the TV, watching the man’s every move. 

“I don’t remember saying that.” 

“Well, but you said it. All the time actually.” Tony shrugs, still having a hard time believing it. “But…can I ask you something now?” 

“I guess is only fair.” 

Lucia stops and looks around, as if needing to make sure that no one is there to hear their conversation. “Is Clay your boyfriend?” 

“What? Mom, that’s—no!” Tony tells her, almost yells actually. “He’s not. He’s my best friend.” 

“Ok.” She stops. “I clearly hit a nerve there.”

“Clay is straight mom. He’s not my boyfriend.” 

She makes a face as if to say ‘fair enough’, but Tony knows that there’s more to it. He just needs to wait. “Do you want him to be?” 

“Mom…please, lets not go there.” 

“Can I tell you something, mi amor?” Unsurprisingly, she goes there.

“You just gonna say it, anyway.” 

“That’s right, because I’m your mother! And if you ever play smart like that to me again, I’ll cook only Morcilla for a whole week, just because I know you hate it.” 

“Fine, sorry.” He apologizes, rolling his eyes. She always played really low with Morcilla. He really hated this dish. 

“As I was saying…You can’t just bury your feelings, mijo. At least not for long.” 

“Mom…he’s straight. And in love with someone he just lost.” 

“I know, Tony. But I’m not talking about him, and his feelings. I’m talking about you.” She says, while toying with his hair. “Clay is like family, and you need to be there for him. I know that. But I also want you to be there for yourself. If you keep burying this…it will be so deep inside of you, that you’ll never be able to set it free.” 

“What if I don’t want to set it free?” 

“Then that’s up to you. But if you don’t set it free, eventually, you won’t be able to move on. You know, I always admired your ability to just…love people. So blindingly, and just so…giving. But you need to save some of that love for yourself, Antonio.” 

“I will. Don’t worry.” 

“Ok.” She kisses his forehead. “Now go talk to you father about it.” 

“Why? Can’t you like…pass the information around?” She shakes her head. “I know you love some juicy gossip. Why can’t it be in my favor, for once? 

“Tony…” Lucia makes squinty eyes at him, but he can see that she’s not really angry. “Go talk to him.” 

“Fine…”

 

Tony does as much as drag himself towards the garage, dreading every moment before his confrontation with his father. Because he’s sure that there will be some. No matter of what kind. There’s always confrontation when it comes to Carlos Padilla.  
Growing up, his dad was always very keen on making ‘men’ out of him and his brothers. Being a former boxer, himself, he trained all boys to be prepared to fight fiercely at any given moment. And fighting indeed became a part of their lives. Of Tony’s brothers more so than his own. They sometimes would act like vigilantes, fighting anyone around the neighborhood that had done something wrong, or messed with the wrong person. Tony used to think that they saw this as justice, or at least their version of it. But truly, maybe they just wanted to fight. Violence walks side by side with them, the same way as he walks beside Clay around town. It’s familiar, and somewhat engraved on his DNA. There’s no much he can do to scape it. But still he tries. 

He finds his dad hidden under the hood of a car, as he hums to ‘La Bruja’ one of his favorite songs of all times. “Hey, pa, can I talk to you?” 

“Only if you give me this cat sand.” He points to where the bag is. “Ay, your mother will kill me if there’s another oil stain on the floor.” Tony picks the bag, and gives it to his father, and he grabs a handful of the sand and puts on top of the oily stain. “Ahora, dame el alicate, Tony.” Mrs. Padilla puts his hand out, waiting for Tony to give him the tool, but he doesn’t. He looks back to find his son lost in deep thought. He sighs. Poor Tony is probably thinking about all the hard times he had lately, so he decides to cut him some slack. “Tony, mijo! The plier, please.” 

Tonys shakes his head, trying to clear his mind from all the confusion going on inside. “Oh, sorry.” He grabs the tool, and gives it to his father. “Here.” 

“What you wanted to talk to me about?” He goes back to fixing the car, trying his best not to make much of a mess. He does not want to see Lucia’s angry face again. For a woman so small, she could be seriously scary when she wanted. He notices that, once again, Tony has gone dead silent, so when he looks back at his son and finds he to be at the verge of tears, he knows that something is wrong. Very wrong. “Is this about the case? Are you hiding something from us?” 

“Yes—I mean, no! Not about the case.” He explains. “Everything I said about it is true.” 

“What are you lying about then?” 

“About…me. About who I am.” He begins, but isn’t sure if he will be able to go on. Why couldn’t his mom just tell him? 

“I don’t understand, Tony. You are who you are, mijo! My son!” 

“Yes, dad. But you don’t know…everything about me.” 

“What are you trying to say?” 

“Papá, I…well, um…the thing is—“ 

“Antonio Manuel Padilla, you better tell me what is going on.” He demands. “Right now” 

“I’m gay, dad.” He blurts out. Not trusting his own mouth to be able to say the words if they’re not rushed and ran over. “I’m..gay.” 

Carlos has a stunned look on his face, like Tony just ran him over with a 57 Chevy Bel Air, his favorite car of all times, and then just left him there to die. Alone. “Tony…I won’t lie to you. I’m not happy about this.” He takes a piece of fabric from his back pocket and cleans his oil-covered face. “I’m not happy about this at all.” He palms his temples, already sensing a huge headache later. “I had my suspicious over the years. I mean, Maria’s—“ 

“Yes, Maria’s daughter, very pretty, very loose, but I didn’t like her.” Tony repeats his mom’s speech, feeling to impatient to also hear it from his dad. “Mom said the same thing.” 

“Does your mother know?” Carlos asked, one eyebrow raised high, like Vincent Price on his classic horror movies.

“I told her just now.” 

His dad seems more calm, now that he knows Lucia didn’t hide this from him, so his eyebrow goes back to it’s usual spot on his face.“As I was saying…I had my suspicious, but a part of me always hoped that they wouldn’t come true.” He takes a deep breath, and then a sip from his beer, that by now has gone more flat than his voice when he tries to sing. “Can’t hope for that anymore.”

“Dad, I know that this isn’t what you were hoping for, but—“ 

“How long?” Carlos interrupts him, immersed in his own internal conflict.

“I don’t—“ 

“How long have you been…feeling this way?” 

“Um…always?” 

“Ay, Dios Mio. Ok.” He puts the beer down. He can’t taste much now anyways. There’s no need to drink. Not when he’s trying to make sense of all this. “I don’t understand. Me and your mom, we raised you all the same. You and your brothers. All the same.” He repeats, not really making any sense. 

“I’m sorry, dad.” Tony apologizes, the tears running down his face. “I tried to like them, I really did. Cousin Antonia, Maria’s daughter, the girls in movies, and the ones in school…I really tried. But I just…don’t. I don’t like them.” 

“So who do you like?” Carlos asks, looking way more serious than Tony likes to see him. 

“I’m not seeing anyone, dad. Not right now.” 

“I didn’t ask if you were seeing anyone, Antonio. I’m asking who do you like.” He specifies. “And I know there’s someone. I see you smiling around the house. And I know that look in yours eyes, Tony. So who is it?” 

“Someone who doesn’t feel the same.” Is all he says, and “It doesn’t matter.” 

“Maybe is for the best then.” Tony looks at him, eyes filled with tears and broken heart in hand, more than ready to give up on the whole conversation. Carlos notices how crushed Tony looks, and raises his hand, to indicate that he’s not done talking. “Because if this pendejo can’t see how amazing you are, then I’m not sure I even want him around.” 

Tony looks at him, his faith restored. He’s still crying, but now these are happy tears. “Dad…” 

“Look, I’m not saying that I’m okay with it just now.” He starts. Carlos is old school, and there are a lot of things about young people these days that he simply does not understand. “But I’m saying that I will be. In the future. You just need to give me time.” 

“It’s okay, dad.” Tony closes the distance between them with a hug. “We’ve got all the time in the world.” 

 

* * *

 

Lainie is sitting on her office, going through some papers regarding Tony’s case. Still there isn’t remotely enough data to support the defense, and the clock is ticking. Against them. The hearing left her with mixed feelings about both the judge, and the fate of the accusations against Tony. The judge didn’t accept the prosecution’s motion to move the charges out of the Juvenile court, but he didn’t revoke the more serious accusations against him either.  
The silver lining: Tony wasn’t going to be charged as an adult. But the first degree attempted murder was very much still on the table. In the worst case scenario, he was looking at 10 years on a juvenile facility. No parole. Tony would be 27, almost 28 when he got out, and would’ve lost crucial years of his life. Would Clay visit him, if he stayed incarcerated for so long? Would they still even be friends after that? She had too many questions, and sadly, still no answers.  
Bryce not only used the influence of his family on his favor, but also his own. He had two other boys, most likely his teammates, that testified to seeing Tony threatening Bryce in more than one occasion. The twins even tried to bring Clay’s name into the mix, to make the judge force her out of the case. Luckily she was able to prove that there was no conflict of interest on her defense, and they weren’t successful. However, now she knows that they are willing to play dirty, and would do virtually anything to get Bryce off the hook. And that, eventually, would be their demise. Lainie just hoped they had the proper time to get to that point. 

“Mrs. Jensen, there’s someone here for you.” Annie, her secretary, tells her once she’s inside. 

Lainie looks at her watch, confused. “Do I have an appointment now? I don’t—“ 

“No, actually.” She interrupts without really wanting to. “He’s not scheduled, but he asked me to tell you that he’s friends with your son?” 

“It must be Tony Padilla.” She answers without taking her eyes of the papers in front of her. She has a long night of work ahead of her. “Just send him in.” 

Annie looks back at the boy, and then at her boss again. “He doesn’t look much like a Tony Padilla, Mrs. Jensen.” She puts her head further into the room, so the visitant won’t listen to her. “Should I ask security to take him out?” 

“No, that’s ok.” She confirms. “Let him in.” Lainie looks at the door, until she can see the tall boy approaching. She is surprised to see him, but doesn’t know if it’s a good thing, or bad that he has come. At the rate that things were moving, it could be either way. Maybe even both. Saying that he was Clay’s friend was definitely a overstatement, but she decides to let it slide. He probably only said that so they would be let in. 

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Jensen. Thank you for receiving me.” He says to her, all polite and well mannered. 

“Good afternoon, hm…” she pauses and tries to remember his name. “Zach, isn’t it? I remember you from the hearings.” He nods, but remains silent. “So, what can I do for you? Are you here about the tapes, or…” she trails off, and hopes that he’ll state his business. 

“Not, really. No. I’m actually here—I heard that Tony is not going to be charged as an adult, right? That’s good news.” 

Lainie looks at her watch again, and then back at him, distrustful. The hearing was only a couple of hours ago. Either news about the case travelled really fast, or this boy definitely has an ulterior motive with his visit. “Indeed. Tony needs all the help he can get right now.” She decides that two can play this game. “Are you a friend of his as well, Zach?” 

“I wouldn’t say friend, per say, ma’am.” 

“What would you say, then?” She inquires the teen. 

“I would say…that I’m someone who wants to make emends, Mrs. Jensen.” 

“Is that so? And how would you go about that, Zach?” 

“I heard you guys were looking for videos of that night.” 

“You sure does hear a lot of things, don’t you Zach?” The boy senses her distrustful tone, but nods either way. “Do you have a complete video of the fight?” 

“Actually,” he says while removing a pen drive form the front pocket of his jeans. “I might have something better”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were curious, this is the song that Tony's dad was singing.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uN9Idee05ow


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of Tony's hearing is approaching, and he grows more restless by the minute. Meanwhile, Lilly decides to create a support group to help her and others to cope with life after an assault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So everyone, this chapter is brought to you by the soundtrack of FF 13. One of my favorites btw, but don't listen to it while reading it. I don't think it'll match. (you can listen just for fun though)  
> Let's see...this chapter is a bit on the longer side, since recent events will force me to go MIA for a while, when it comes to writing. So I wanted to leave you guys with more to read. I will be back, though. You can still send me messages in here or on tumblr, and I will answer them as soon as possible.  
> If you want, and feel like it as well, grab as snack or something( the chapter is about 10k if Im not mistaken)  
> Also we should all buckle our seatbelts for this one. it's a bit of a roller coaster
> 
> Enjoy <3

It’s precisely 11:30 PM, when Lilly reaches the conclusion that she is not having fun. At all. This was supposed to be a fun gathering of friends, at least that was what Amanda told her when she was first invited. But really it just looked like one of those infamous Dionysius parties. All booze, loud noises and just sheer insanity. Amanda really needed to work better on her guest-list-making skills. Some of the guests didn’t even look like they were the proper age to still be in high school.  
All she wanted was to have an opportunity to spend some alone time with Clay outside of school. They didn’t have many classes together, and the ones they did share, weren’t appropriated for engaging in conversation. The English teacher had zero tolerance for students talking to each other in the middle of class, and she had no desire of enduring detention because of it. And even though the History teacher was very lenient on the subject, Clay was so immense on the topic of the classes, that it was like no one else existed.  
She tried asking him one more time the day before the party, and Clay said he would think about it. She got her hopes up, and even planned some topics of conversation ahead, just in case they ran out of things to talk about. But he decided not to go in the end. He told her that he wasn’t in much of a party mood this days. And who could blame him, though? The last party they went to, was the one were that guy Bryce had raped Jessica. And if she was being honest, he was completely right in not attending the event. The place was a mess, and it was nearly impossible to walk with an avalanche of drunk teenagers clashing against each other every passing minute. At that point all she wanted was to find Angie and go home. If they rushed, she could still make it home in time to text Clay, without it being too late for him to respond.

“Hey, pretty girl.” A voice calls from within the haze of drunk laughter, but Lilly dreads the moment of turning to it. She already knows who is the baritone behind it. She turns and offers a half baked smile to the older teen. She doesn’t want to fraternize with Bryce, but she doesn’t want him to see her as an enemy either. Her friends warned her about just how dangerous he could be. “Having fun?” he asks, looking as casual as one could ever hope to.

“Sure.” Lilly answers as she looks around, searching for Angie or anyone else she might know. She doesn’t find anyone. 

“So…I saw you here, and decided to introduce myself. I’m—“ 

“I know who you are.” Lilly answers rather harshly, and she can see the exact moment where his gaze goes full bloom predatory. “I mean, you’re the captain of the football team. Everyone knows who you are.” She plays the compliment card, and hopes that he will fall for it. He smiles, so she knows that he did. She’s safe, for now.

“Well, you’re the one saying it, not me.” Bryce answers her, all smile and good looks, but Lilly is well aware of what hides underneath his nice guy persona. “Are you here alone?” 

“No. With my friend Angie, actually.” 

Bryce looks around to the other people, and then back at Lilly. “Would you like something to drink? I can get you some beer, or something?” She’s about to answer, but he just goes on speaking. “You look like the kind that would want something fancy, like wine. But we don’t have any of it, so…” 

“No, thanks. I don’t drink.” 

“Not even water?” Lilly knows that he is trying his best impression of Prince Charming, diluting the flirting to a level that could be passed as just normal conversation if necessary. But she won’t fall for it either way. 

“Alcohol, I mean.” 

He insists. “I can get you a soda then.” 

“No, actually, Angie went to get us two sodas. I’m just waiting for her.” Like waiting for the exact moment to appear, just as Lilly says her name, Angie stumbles towards her, with two cups in hand. “There she is.” She points to her friend. 

She almost yells right on Lilly’s face. “Lilly, I got your drink!” 

“Thanks, Angie.” Angie’s balance is compromised due to the level of intoxication, so she ends up falling a few steps away. “Angie!” Lilly calls to her friend, as she quickly puts her cup on the counter and runs to offer assistance. “Here, I’ll help you.” 

“Lilly, I fell!” she answers, far too animatedly for someone who just landed on a cold floor. 

“You did.” She says, while maneuvering Angie up, and towards the counter. “Let’s go to that chair, Angie. You need to rest a bit . And then we’ll go home.” 

“No! No home.” She protests.

“Yes, home!” She helps Angie sit on the chair beside the counter, and watches as she melts into the cushion. She’s definitely going to stay there for a while now. Luckily, Bryce is already long gone, so Lilly just grabs her soda back from the counter and takes a sip. She can’t wait to leave that place. 

 

* * *

Skye is in front of her locker, searching for her phone hidden somewhere inside the mess that are her belongings, when she catches sight of Lilly in the distance. She’s sitting on a bench, open book in hand, but she doesn’t seem to be very much aware of what is written on the pages. Her eyes seem unfocused, and her expression is blank, almost like her mind is completely absent from her body. Skye thinks that this might just be the case. She knows what her friend is thinking about.  
Ever since Bryce tried to assault Lilly, she was filled with a need for closure, that she was unable to obtain. Mostly because Bryce still walked around the goddamn school like a king, and no one dared to confront him. But if anyone would be a threat to his reign, she was decided to be the person to do so. She desperately needed that to feel in control of her own life again.

“We need to do something about it.” Lilly announces, more so to herself than to Skye. 

“About what?” Skye asks her, eyes still on the book that Lilly was reading.

She grabs Skye’s arm and pushes lightly, so she will take the seat beside her, on the bench. “I was thinking that you could find out if any of the girls in the school went through what I did.” 

“How do you expect me to do that? Use my atomic vagina to hear the conversations on the girl’s bathroom?” 

Lilly gives her an side-eye look. “You won’t need you vagina for that, trust me. All you need are your ears.” 

Skye shrugs. “You never know. But really, how can I help?” 

“I just want you to maybe…poke around a little bit, you know? Try to find out if any other girls ever been to a similar situation.” 

“I’m sure we all have.” 

“Sadly, I know this. But what I’m really trying to do is…look for the ones that are ready to talk about, you know?” Skye nods. “I want to create this…safe space for us. And I know that it sounds dumb, and idealist, but I really want to create a space like this. I need a space like this, Skye.” 

“It does’t sound dumb at all, Lilly. It sounds wonderful.” Skye reassures her. 

“So you’ll help me then?” 

“I’ll be your humble servant, my lady.” She answers, making her best impression of a British accent. 

“I will settle for you being my best friend.” 

Skye spends the following week trying her best to talk to as many girls as se can, and as discreetly as she can. As it turns out, Lilly was very well liked by the majority of the girls from their year. So, as soon as Skye brought her name into the conversation, some of them were much more open than she first anticipated. Still, the topic was far too sensitive for some to engage on it.  
She avoids the ones that are dating guys on the football team, or are in any way affiliated with Bryce and his gang. Not that Skye doesn’t think they don’t deserve the same help as the other, but because she’s afraid that, if words gets out too soon about what they’re trying to do, they might not even get the chance to do anything at all. So she plays it low for now. She starts with the girls she already knows and talks to, and asks them if they have any interest in joining the initiative. If the response is negative, and it usually was, she would them asks the girls to pass the invitation along to someone they might think would need the space. Most of all, she did a lot of walking around the school, and getting a significant amount of negative response. But Skye didn’t care. She was doing it for Lilly, and for any girl that needed their voice to be heard, and their story told. They deserved that much.

Lilly tries her hand with talking to some of the girls too. She stills flinches every time she thinks that Bryce might be around her, but she forces herself to keep it together. At least in school. After everything that he’d done to her, and possibly to many other girls, she won’t give him the satisfaction of showing her fear. She decided to be the hero that she so desperately needed, and with Skye by her side, they do resemble some sort of crime-fighting duo. She makes a mental note to create superhero names from them later, because for now, she’ll go on fighting as just Lilly. 

All their hard work pans out, when a couple of days later, they are across the hall, attentively watching the girls inside the classroom, “Lilly, you can do this!” Skye tells her as they stood in front of the poorly occupied classroom. Only five girls appeared to the meeting, but she knows that this is a start. Five is still better than just her and Skye talking about what happened. They already do that pretty much everyday since. Right now she wants to listen.

“I know I can, it’s just…is so…real now. They are all in here.” 

“Well, you asked.” 

“I know I did, and I’m glad. I really am. I think that we can help each other heal.” 

Lilly takes a deep breath and opens the door. The metal juncture is old and rusty, and it makes an awful loud noise. She curses herself silently for not checking the classroom beforehand. The last thing they needed was a harsh announcement everything someone got in or out. Still, she smiles through the technical difficulty, and hopes that none of the girls were also thinking the same thing. Maybe is only her anxiety making her overthink every single thing that happens.  
She notices that all the chairs are facing the board, like a regular classroom usually looks like. With someone expected to be in the front, taller and more important than the ones that are sitting. She doesn’t like that. This meeting isn’t about one person leading others to something or somewhere. The whole point is for them to figure it out where they should be going, together. As equals. “Could we, hm…put the chairs in a circle? Is everyone ok with that?” Some of the girls look between themselves, but don’t protest. They all get up and start arranging the chairs like Lilly suggested.  
Once they are all sitting on their respective chairs, her and Skye included, she takes a brief moment to observe they girls. They are all awfully quiet, like their minds aren’t fully made about this whole situation. If Lilly is being honest, neither is hers. Not completely. There’s a huge part of her that still doubts this whole step. A deliberate self sabotaging piece of herself that just won’t let it go. No matter how much she wants it to. But sometimes in life you have to push through, no matter how hard it is, or how scared you are. And this is definitely one of those times.

“I guess I should tell you guys a little bit about the meetings.” She starts, looking at each one of them as carefully and understanding as she can. “So…first of all, everything that you say in here, will stay in here. Always. Unless you say otherwise. There are no…judgments or assumptions. When you speak, we all listen, and we can only say something, or ask something if you allow us to.” She looks at Skye and smiles. She knows that something has happened with her as well, but she still wasn’t comfortable sharing it. Not even with her. “It’s okay to just want to talk, and not let anyone say anything about it. And it’s also ok to just listen, and not talk at all.” 

“Is this like a…everyday thing? Or—how is it going to work?” One of the seniors ask. She is vaguely familiar to Lilly, but she can’t place exactly why.

“The meetings will happen every week, on Fridays. But you don’t have to come every time if you don’t want to. But we will always be here if you do want to come.” Skye says this time. With a tone much softer than Lilly has ever seem her using.

Lilly takes a deep breath, releases all the tension inside her chest. “So…in the spirit of this meeting, I’ll start.” She swallows a unwanted dryness on her throat, and hopes that she will be able to do this without crying. She haven’t told this story out loud since she did the rape kit. “3 weeks ago I went to a classmate’s birthday party at her house. My friend Angie was there with me. This guy…Bryce was there too.” She notices that one of the girls flinches at the mention of his name. He is definitely no stranger to them. “And he talked to me for a while as I was waiting for her to get back with a cup of soda. She was…so drunk that she fell, and I put my cup on the counter so I could help her up. And I guess this was my mistake, cause he—someone,” She corrects herself against her own will. There was nothing that could tie Bryce to her spiked drink, but she knew he was the one who did it. She just couldn’t prove it. “—spiked my drink. I don’t remember exactly how much time passed after I finished the cup of soda, but then…I was just…everything was so confused, and I couldn’t think of anything.” She fights the tears already forming on her eyes, and desperate to run down her face. “The last thing I do remember, is Bryce taking me up the stairs…to a room. And them…nothing.” Lilly shakes her head.. “My mind is completely blank.” 

“Did he…” one of the girls, a junior this time, asked. 

“No. Luckily before I passed out I called a friend. Clay Jensen. And then he called another friend of ours, Tony Padilla.” She says, looking at some of the girls, like trying to announce to everyone the names of her saviors. Trying to let them know that they were one of the good guys. Someone that they could trust if needed. “But this part of the story I guess you all know. They fought with Bryce to save me, and them he accused Tony of trying to kill him. And he might be going to jail.” She stops and adds,” Because of me.” 

Skye turns to her quickly, and says “Lilly, that’s not true.” 

“But it is! I knew that Bryce was dangerous. I should’ve just…ran away as soon as he talked to me. None of this would’ve happened.” 

“And what about Angie?” Skye asks her. “What would’ve happened to her if you went away?

“Maybe something worse.” Lilly concludes. She knows the point that Skye is trying to make, and she is probably right to make it. Self-blaming is a common thing to survivors to do, because sometimes is the only way that they can feel any sort of control over the whole situation. Even if this control comes from placing the blame on the only part that has none.

“Exactly. You wouldn’t leave her there the same way I wouldn’t leave you, or that Tony wouldn’t leave Clay. Because we’re friends, Lilly. We have each other’s backs” 

This time she can’t stop the tears from running free. Skye has always bee there for her, and so did Tony and Clay. Even if he wasn’t able to be in her life like she first wanted him to, as a boyfriend, he still was a friend. A real one. Thinking further, she was damn lucky to have friends like them. Like Skye said, they had each other’s backs. Always. “God, I feel like I’m on a after school special.” She lightly mocks Skye’s words, even though she was deeply touched by them. 

Skye smiles at her, and lightly squeezes Lilly’s chubby cheeks between her fingers. “No more crying, Princess. Ok?” Lilly nods, and cleans the rest of the tears from her face. 

The meeting goes by rather smoothly, and the girls take turns sharing whatever they feel comfortable enough to share at the moment. It’s still only their first meeting, so it’s normal for them to remain somewhat untrusting. Chances are that they were let down by numerous people before, when they tried to seek for help. It’s only fair that some of them decided to put their guards up. Lilly herself almost did the same. If it wasn’t for Skye’s constant support, she wouldn’t even be able to gather the emotional resistance to do this meeting in the first place. Skye had practically camped inside her bedroom as soon as she was released from the hospital, and only left when Lilly decided that she was ready to go back to school. A part of her wished that she was still there, though.  
One of the seniors, a slender black girl with beautiful braids, tells them about the time when one substitute teacher made vulgar insinuations at her, in a tutoring session after school. By the way her voice trembles when she talks about him, Skye can tell that here’s more underneath, but she is not yet ready to tackle the subject. They approach the end of the meeting and all girls have shared something, except for one. She’s tiny on her chair, and her curly auburn hair hides most of her face. Skye can make up a few tiny freckles on her nose, but not much more than this. They all look at her reassuringly, but she sinks even further into the chair, so Lilly decides that it’s best not to pry on her discomfort. They thank all the girl for sharing their stories, and one by one they start to leave.  
Both Lilly and Sky are almost done with putting all the chairs back in place, and locking the classroom completely, when the petite girl comes back. She seems even smaller now that they are all standing up, and the girls don’t know what to do aside of smile at her. 

“You’re…Diana, right?” The girl nods in response. “Did you forget something? I don’t think I found anything while cleaning, but if you want we can look again.” Lilly tells her. 

“No, hm…I didn’t. I just…I wanted to talk to you guys about…you know, what happened to me.” 

“Oh, that’s ok.” Lilly reassures her. “Can I ask why you didn’t share with everyone else?” 

“I’m just…I’m not ready for everyone to know it, yet.” 

“I understand. I really do.” Skye nods, showing that she also agrees with her.

“Besides, I can relate more to you than to them.”

Lilly is genuinely curious by Diana’s words, so she asks “Why?” 

Diana takes a deep breath that inflates her small chest, and then releases it with a small puff. “Bryce.” 

 

* * *

 

Growing up, Lainie had always been obsessed with playing chess. And over the years she played enough times, that the game had actually shaped her way of thinking. Every childhood game, every school test and every court case, was an intricate chess match. But not Clay. Her son was an odd piece that she couldn’t place correctly. And even if she tried, he wouldn’t obey the rules of the game. It used to bother her at first, that she could’t foreseen Clay’s moves like she did with most people. But now, she thinks that it’s a blessing.  
Clay has the ability to surprise her in the best way possible. He does make a lot of mistakes, of course. He still only a teenager. So, sometimes, he starts a game with Pawn to E5, and then soon after exposes the Queen, hoping that his opponent will make a mistake, and leave their King unattended. The move is aggressive and inexperienced at best, and would easily blow up on his face. But other times, when he really put his mind to it, and committed to the game, he could learn from his own mistakes, and use the Queen Sacrifice to his favor. The Checkmate would come shortly after that. 

Now, she watches as Clay stares at the screen with focused eyes. He wants to make sure that he is seeing things right. That this isn’t some sort of sick trick his sleepless mind is playing on him. “I can’t fucking believe this.” He spits out. 

“Clay! Language!” Lainie warns him. 

“I’m sorry, mom. But I really can’t fucking believe this!” 

“I know. Me neither.” She turns to Zach. “Who recorded this again?” 

“Someone from the team. He was hoping to record some kind of ‘girls gone wild’ thing. Didn’t happen though.” 

“I don’t even want to know what that is really. But he just…gave it to you?” 

Zach shrugs, and then says “I asked him to send me, and he did.” 

“When was this?” Clay asks, suspicious. He’s still not fully convinced of Zach’s good actions. 

“Yesterday. And I came in here first thing today. I wasn’t sitting on evidence if that’s what you think.” 

“It wouldn’t be the first time that it happened. And I’m including myself on this one.” 

They all watch once more, as the screen shows Angie, stumbling around her own feet, and then falling to the ground. There’s laughter and loud music, and the guy holding the phone screams for Angie to take her top off. This is the moment where Lilly puts her drink down, and basically runs to her friend, so she can stop her from doing anything she might regret later. Specially with a phone pointed directly at her. There are two other voices talking to the guy holding the phone, but they can’t quite make what they’re saying. Zach says that it was probably something about football. They had a big game the week after that. The phone continues pointed at Angie, but in the background they can clearly see the exact moment where Bryce reaches over, and puts something inside Lilly’s cup. He’s gone seconds after that, and Lilly has no idea of what happened. 

“Mom, this can help prove that Bryce was actually trying to rape her.” 

“It can, Clay. And this can definitely help Tony as well.” 

“How so?” 

“This can help us prove that there wasn’t any type of unlawful violence taking place, and that Tony’s actions were indeed necessary in order to protect a third person. In this case, Lilly.” 

“What about me? Can’t I testify on Tony’s behalf or something?” 

“I can’t include you in this case, it’s too dangerous.” Clay gives her a confused look “Now that the tapes are out, it’s not hard to find out what Hannah said about Bryce on them. And since you already went tho his place to fight once,” She looks at Clay with squinty eyes, and he looks down, ashamed.“—they can argue that you’re the one who has a vendetta against him. And since Tony would do anything to protect you, they can twist it in a way to make it look like you guys were conspiring against Bryce.” 

“Isn’t this what were are doing?” 

Zach opens his mouth to speak this time. “Actually, the legal definition of conspire is ‘make plans jointly to commit an unlawful or harmful act’. So, no, this isn’t conspiring.” Lainie gives him a surprised look. A good one this time. “I want to be a lawyer one day.” He offers as an explanation. 

“Ok, but you need to be ready to testify. The twins my want to cross-examine you, and I will also need your friend’s name.” 

“Can’t we just say that I was the one with the video?” 

“No lies, Zach. We’re dealing with extremely powerful and influential people. We need to be squeaky clean.” 

“I don’t know. I don’t want to drag him into this.” 

“Tell you what.” Lainie stops, and studies him. He might look like and Pawn at first, just the initial piece to set the whole game in motion, but he has some good Knight, qualities. He could definitely take down a King if well instructed. “You want to be a lawyer right? You can have a internship with me here. But only if you’re prepared to tell the whole truth to the Judge” 

“Isn’t this like…blackmail or something?” Zach asks her. 

Lainie simply shakes her head. “ It’s quid pro quo, Zach.” 

“What about Lilly, mom? We need to tell her this.” 

“I know, Clay, and we will. But not for now.” 

Clay’s mouth hangs open, unpleasantly surprised with her words. “You just gave us this whole speech about not lying, and now you’re asking me to do it anyways.” 

“I’m not asking you to lie, Clay. I just asking you not to mention it.” She clarifies. 

“Really mom? Semantics?” 

“Everything is life is a matter os semantics, Clay.” 

“Spoke like a true Devil’s Advocate.” Just like the Warren twins, he wants to say, but figures is best not to. 

“Clay, I need you to trust me, ok? Haven’t I made everything that I could to help Tony?” Clay nods. She has indeed done everything in her power to help him. “So I need you to trust that I know what I’m doing now. I will help Lilly with this. But just not right now.” 

Just for now, she thinks, she’ll leave the Queen unattended. Sometimes an aggressive opening like the King’s Gambit is the best way to achieve a quick and effective victory. But sometimes the game is slow and complicated. You might lose a lot os matches before you are able to learn from all your previous mistakes. And Lainie is not one to coward when presented with a rematch. Still, nothing can confuse an undefeated opponent more than the false notion that he has complete control over the game. She smiles to herself briefly, and decides that she’ll stick with the Halosar Trap. The King won’t even know what hit him. 

 

* * * 

Clay closes his eyes for a moment, and enjoys the feeling of the cold wind against his face. He’s only about 10 minutes away from Tony’s house, and his heart is hammering inside his chest. They haven’t seen much of each other over the past few weeks. For the first two weeks after Tony was accused, his parents thought it was best to keep him distant from school and all the commotion going on regarding his arrest. His older brother would drop by his classes everyday to get his assignments, and he would study the topics at home.  
Lainie thought that it was for the best to keep them somewhat distant, at least until the hearing, so she hadn’t allow Clay to visit him after school. They would talk to each other when the Padilla’s came to their house to discuss the case, and they would sometimes talk on the phone too. Her paranoid side feared that the Warren twins could do some damage with the information that Clay and Tony were close, and she didn’t need any more plot twists revolving the case. At least not ones that would be harmful to Tony.  
Clay still has more two whole weeks until the end of his grounding, but since tomorrow is Tony’s final hearing, she gave him permission to visit him this time. Still, he had to be back at home in time for curfew. 

The sun has long set, but he still finds Tony on the garage, working on whatever car he’s working on this days. Is so dark were he is, that Clay wonders if he can even see what he’s doing. But when he can get a proper look a Tony’s expression, he understands that maybe the point is to just do something. Anything that will ease his mind. Tony’s forehead and hands are covered with oil, and Clay can almost see the waves of anxiety radiating from his smaller frame. He wished that there was something that he could do to help Tony. 

“Hey, how you’re feeling?” Clay asks him, emerging from the darkness.

“Just…peachy keen.” Tony answers, as if unfazed by his presence. There’s an edginess to his tone that bends Clay’s stomach backwards. He doesn’t know what it is exactly, but he doesn’t like it either. “You?” 

“Dandy?” He tries to play along to Tony’s old school reference, but it doesn’t seem to amaze his friend in any way. Instead, he just goes back on working in the car. “I just…I wanted to see you before…” 

“What are you doing in here anyway?” He asks, running over Clay’s words. “Weren’t you grounded?” 

“Still am, but mom gave me permission to come see you. There’s no way that I wouldn’t come anyway. Even if she didn’t let me.” 

“You would stay grounded forever if you did that.” 

“It would be a fair price to pay.” 

“No, it wouldn’t. Nothing is more important than your freedom, Clay.” Suddenly, his face is covered by a somber shadow of uneasiness, and he simply stares into nothing. He’s only a day away from what will probably be the most decisive moment of his entire life. Lainie had reassured him that most of the cards were on his side, and that it was very unlikely for the judge to side with Bryce after Zach’s video came up. But still, she had also said that the Judge had a long time friendship with Bryce’s father, and Tony knew that this could mean so much more than any other evidence. No matter how compelling it might be. There was still a chance, ever so small, that he would be found guilty. He honestly couldn’t think of a worst 18th birthday present than this. Locked up on a juvenile facility for God-knows how long. Life would go on without him, unfazed by his absence. He was positive that Clay would be by his side in the beginning, but he had bigger aspirations in life than to just stay on their small city. And eventually even Clay, his best friend, the person he loved. Even Clay would forget about him.

“I feel like we haven’t seen each other in ages.” Clay pulls him back from his mental ramblings “I missed you.” 

“I missed you too, Clay.” He looks at him, but doesn’t dare to touch. “You have no idea how much.” 

“I do.” He stares deeply inside of Tony’s eyes, hoping for some sort of validation. Of what, he isn’t sure, and when Tony quickly avoid his eyes, he knows that the moment is gone. Still, he wants to keep the conversation going. He’s not ready to leave Tony just yet. “Are you nervous for tomorrow?” 

“I’m barely holding my shit together, Clay. What if the judge decides that I’m guilty?” 

“He won’t! Mom said that,” he stops a little a tries to remember what she said word-by-word. “the video was extremely beneficial to your case…and would most likely be the piece of evident that would prove your innocence. And this is a direct quote from her.” He reassures his friend. 

“I really hope so, Clay.” With little to no ceremony, Tony takes a box of cigarettes from his back pocket, and lights one. He inspects the box and notices that it’s a little smashed now that he sat on it. So are most of the cigarettes, but he doesn’t really mind. Just inhales the smoke, and then exhales slowly. He finds that the repetitive movement really helps calm down his restless nerves. 

Clay is staring at him. Face frozen with pure deliberate shock. “What the fuck? Are you smoking now?” 

“Clay, I have a lot on my mind, ok? Can you spare the judgments for later?” 

“Judgments?” Clay feels a sharp pain inside his chest. Was this how Tony saw him? Like someone who would judge others at any given chance? “What has gotten into you? I wasn’t—I was just asking. That’s all.” 

“Look, I’m sorry, ok? I didn’t mean to—I just have my fucking plate really full.” Tony takes another drag. Releases the smoke and hopes that it will fill the miles of space growing between them. They are sitting by each other’s side, knees touching this whole time, but Tony thinks that they’ve never been more far apart “Hey, how’s Lilly support group? Skye said that their first meeting would be today.” 

“I don’t know actually.” He plays it cool, and tries his best to ignore the clouds of smoke covering Tony’s face. “ I went straight to mom’s office after school, and the meeting was in the afternoon, I think.” 

“I hope it went well. 

“Yeah, me too.” 

They stay in silence after that, not really knowing what else to talk about. Clay looks at the empty street and wonders just when things got so messed up. They are sitting by each other’s side, like they did at least a hundred other times before, but now it just seems so…odd. Like they used to know each other, like words from the same sentence, but them someone came and turned the page. Now they don’t know where they fit anymore. 

“Will you stay with me on the hearing?” Tony asks him, second cigarette already in hand. 

“Mom said that I can’t. Not inside at least.” He explains. “Since is a juvenile case, it’s not like…open court. Only people of interest from the case can be inside.” 

“People of interest?” 

“Yeah, like…parents, or legal guardians, and witnesses and stuff.” Tony nods, but doesn’t say anything after that. “Are you parents home? I didn’t see them…” 

“They are. They’re just…resting I guess. Long day tomorrow.” 

“The longest.” 

“What have you been up to these days?” he tries a hand with changing the subject. He will do anything to take his mind out of tomorrow and it’s implications. Even if it’s just for a second, he wants a bit of peace. 

“Not much, really. Skye visited me a couple times. I visited Lilly.” He makes squinty eyes, and tries to think of other things he might have done on these past few day “Oh, and Alex too.” 

“Without me?” he asks as soon as the words leave Clay’s lips. “I thought we agreed on seeing him together.” 

“I know we did, it’s just…Don’t get me wrong. I really wanted to know if he was ok, you know?” Tony nods, but really, he has no idea where Clay is going with this. “And to thank him as well. For what he did. But I was kinda on…a mission too?” 

“What? I don’t—what mission?” 

“I just…I wanted to see if the Sheriff had any information that we didn’t. So when Alex went to take a shower, I kind of…wandered around a bit.” He stops and says much lower this time, even though there’s no one there to hear them. “Inside the Sheriff’s office.” 

“You were spying on the Sherif? Who you think you are, Clay? Inspector Gadget?” 

“No, but that would be so fucking cool.” 

“Clay, what were you thinking?” Tony asks him, annoyed, but slightly amused by Clay’s attempted humor. 

“I was thinking that there was no way in hell I was going to let you go down for this.” 

“Yeah, and then you risked your own neck, Clay. Don’t you fucking do that again.” 

“Please.” Clay confronts him. “Like you wouldn’t do the exact same thing for me.” 

“I would, but that’s not the point.” 

“What is the point them?” 

“The point is…that we’re…two idiots, that care way too much about each other. And we should stop!” 

Clay stops, and stares at him with wide, unsure eyes. “Caring about each other?” He hopes that his ears were playing a trick on him, or that he misunderstood Tony’s words in some way. 

“No! I mean, going all…Kim Possible to resolve each others problems. It’s dangerous.” 

Clay shrugs, but is relieved nonetheless. “I guess that’s fair. No more stunts and secret investigations.” 

They are interrupted when a harsh sound echoes through the empty street, and someone comes rushing towards them on an dark blue scooter. 

“Is that…Skye?” Clay asks and Tony nods. He’s very familiar with her blue scooter and the unbelievably annoying sound it makes. 

“You know I can fix that for you, right?” Tony asks her even before she can take her helmet off. 

“I appreciate it, but it will have to stay for some other time.” 

Clay can hear the worried tone on her voice, so he worries as well. “What’s going on, Skye? Is Lilly ok?” 

“She is. Probably better now actually.” 

Tony is the one who asks this time. “What happened?” 

“Well, after our first meeting with the support group, there was this one girl, Diana, that was too uncomfortable to talk with everyone. So she talked to us afterwards, and she told us, that Bryce raped her as well.” 

“How is this good in any way Skye?” 

“If you shut up and let me finish, then you’ll know.” She spits out harshly and Clay gets the memo. Skye is in no mood for jokes or distractions.“So, she said that after it happened, even though she didn’t tell anyone about it, a part of her still had hope that, one day, he could be brought to justice.” She stops, and looks at both of them pointedly. “So she kept the clothes that she used that day.” 

“Holly shit!” Tony’s eyes go wide with how loud Clay was. This isn’t the place nor the time to be talking about this. Not when his hearing is so close. “The clothes could give the police DNA evidence against Bryce.” 

“Exactly.” Skye agrees, but soon after her expression shifts to a more serious one. “There’s a catch though. She won’t go forward with the case just with the clothes.” 

“I don’t understand. What else does she need? DNA is like… the most important evidence of all.” 

Skye shrugs. “I guess…because of what happened to Jessica. And how they twisted the story to make it seem like she cheated and then cried rape to get away with it. She’s afraid, Clay.” 

“But without the clothes, there’s no other proof to what happened.” Clay looks at Tony, searching his face for validation, but he offers none.

“Not exactly.” Clay is looking at Skye so intensively, that he might end up digging a hole on her face. Tony doesn’t know what else to do instead of listen. So he does. “Bryce recorded the whole thing on his phone. If we find the video, she’ll come forward.” 

“Then he will finally be put in jail where he has to be.” He says like is the magical answer to all their problems, but Tony knows this not to be true. 

“There’s only one thing,” Tony says this time, and they both turn to look at him. “How the hell are you going to get this video? Assuming that it still exists, by the way.” 

“I think it does.” Skye tells them, her tone firm but reassuring at the same time. “Bryce thinks that he is untouchable. A fucking God, or something. That nothing or no one can take him down. I think he’s arrogant enough to still have the video.” 

“Ok, so taking into consideration that you are miraculously lucky for Bryce to still have this video, how do you propose to get the phone?” Tony asks, pointedly using ‘you’ and not ‘we’, trying to make them understand that he wants nothing to do with this nonsensical idea. And neither should them. Hoping that his lack of participation will make them just drop the idea altogether, and strive for a better solution. One that won’t get them too in jail, if they don’t succeed.

“That’s where you guys enter the equation—“ 

“No.” Clay is quick to interrupt her. “You both stay out of this. I’ll do it alone.” 

“What the fuck are you talking about Clay?” Tony asks him, borderline desperate from Clay’s complete lack of rational thought. 

“Your hearing is tomorrow. You can’t do anything that might screw up you chances.” 

“Neither can you, Clay!” He says much louder this time. Very aware that he might end up walking up his whole family. “Your mom is my lawyer, and you’re…you’re my best friend. You are knee deep on this shit. You both are!” 

“Tony, we have no other choice.” Skye tries to appease his anger this time. “We need that video. Lilly needs that video.” 

Tony is having none of it. “You! You just promised me, fucking minutes ago, that you wouldn’t do shit like this anymore. Doesn’t your word mean anything, Clay?” 

“Tony…I have to do this.” 

Tony stares at him and asks, out of sheer frustration. “Why?” 

“Because I want to help!” 

“Who you want to help, Clay? Because this sure as hell won’t help me. And it won’t help Lilly either if you get caught.” He moves towards Clay, and touches his arm in order to make him pay full attention on what he is about to say. “You need to be discreet—“ 

“Fuck being discreet!” Clay explodes at him. “I trying to help you. Both of you.” 

“This isn’t about me or Lilly, Clay. This is about you, and this fucking need you have to play the hero to make up for the fact that Hannah is gone! This shit won’t bring her back, Clay. It won’t.” 

“Don’t bring her into this!” Clay warns him.

“Don’t bring her—“ Tony lets out a frustrated laugh. “Everything with you goes back to Hannah, Clay. Don’t act like you don’t know it.”

But Clay just pushed even further. “You have no right talking about Hannah” 

“I have no right talking about her? Really, Clay?” Tony swallows the bitter feeling rising inside his throat. He never expected to hear those words from anyone. Especially Clay. He releases a long and painful breath, feeling completely drained of any resistance. He has given up. “You do whatever the fuck you want. Both of you.” 

Tony looks only at Clay this time, and shrugs. They stare at each other for a couple of seconds, but nothing more comes out of it. There isn’t anything left to be said. 

 

* * * 

 

The morning light arrives uninvited to Clay’s tired retinas. He stayed up all until late at night thinking about what Tony had said to him, and most of all, what laid beneath his silence. The way Tony had looked at him in the end, so broken and frustrated, would probably haunt him forever. To think that he was the cause of such pain to Tony was even worse.  
He and Skye were halfway towards Bryce’s place, and still no solid plan in mind, when he realized just how stupid he had been. Of course this was a terrible thing to do. Even a blind person could see that what they were about to do had ‘bad idea’ written all over it. With huge neon red letters, just to make it more clear. Still, his stubbornness took the best of him, and he argued with Tony about it, when all his friend wanted was some peace. He deserved all the peace he could get before the hearing. But Clay had gone, and taken that away from him.  
A wave of anxiety passes him, and he fumbles with the blankets looking for his phone. He has no idea what time it is, and he might already be late for talking to Tony beforehand. He desperately needed to apologize to him before the hearing started. He couldn’t let Tony go there thinking that he would ever do something to jeopardize his chances of walking out free.  
Unfortunately, he is indeed running late. The hearing is supposed to have ended and hour ago, and he completely missed his chance of talking to Tony. He doesn’t know why his mom didn’t wake him up before she went. He’s about to dial her number when the noise of the front door opening calls his attention.

“Mom, is this you?” He calls loudly while running towards the front door. “Why didn’t you wake me up?” 

“Clay, be careful! You’re going to hurt yourself like this.” She says with not much emotion to her voice, and Clay takes this as a bad sign. A really bad one. 

Clay is nearly crying when he asks “Mom…where is Tony?” 

“He’s not here, Clay.” 

“I can’t believe this, mom! He was—you said he wasn’t—“ 

“Clay!” she interrupts him, putting one hand to his shoulder, mostly to call him, but also to prevent him from continuing with the uncoordinated back-and-forth he was doing before. “He isn’t here because he is with his family.” She stops, just to add even more suspense. “Celebrating the fact that he was found innocent.” 

“I knew it!” He practically jumps on his mom and hugs her. “Thank you, mom! You really did help him.” 

“I’m glad I could be of use then.” 

“What about Lilly mom? What happens to her?” 

“Well, now that Tony’s case is over, and there’s no more conflict of interest, I can be Lilly’s lawyer, and move along with her case.” 

“Really? Would you do that for her?” 

“I would do anything for you, Clay. And if this is what you want, this is what I’ll do.” She hugs him again, but this time more loosely. 

“So, what happens now?” He asks, still on her embrace. 

“Now we are just a few moves away from the Checkmate.” She looks at him with confidence, then says “Bryce is going down, Clay. For good.”

 

Clay can’t even contain inside his chest, the amount of happiness he is feeling. It feels like his heart is about to burst through his ribcage, and then explode like fireworks. Tony was found innocent, and this nightmare was over. Not only this but Lilly and Diana would get justice too. It wouldn’t fix what happened to Jessica, or bring Hannah back, but it was a start. A start for a life a little less somber for all of them.  
He waits the whole day impatiently, counting the hours until the night comes, so Tony will finally be home and they’ll be able to see each other. He had called numerous times to his friend, but had no answer in return. A part of him really worries that Tony will never forgive him for not going to see him before the hearing. Especially after the fight they had the prior day. But he is prepared to do anything to get Tony’s forgiveness. Even if he has to camp outside Tony’s house until he decides to go talk to him.  
When it’s late at night, and he has no sign of Tony, and no chill left to wait in home without doing nothing, he gets his bike and heads towards his house. He doesn’t think he ever made the trip so fast as he did now, but in all fairness, he’s desperate to see Tony. He gets in the house only to find it…empty. There’s no sign of anyone there, but he rings the bell, one, two, three times, just in case. But still no answer. He’s already panicking when he hears a soothing engine sound approaching the house. It’s definitely one of their cars, so hope spikes inside him once again. 

He looks as everyone exist the vehicle, but still no sign of Tony. 

“Where—where’s Tony?” 

“He told us to tell you he’d be on the cliff. Whatever that means, right?” Tony’s older brother tells him before going inside. 

“He knew I was going to be here?” 

“We all knew, boy.” Carlos tells him, with a smile. “Just make sure to get back home before dawn, ok? 

Clay nods, still confused, but gets back on his bike anyway. The cliff is not too far from where he is, but it isn’t that close either. Especially when on a bike. Is pitch black the whole way, and he is happy that his mom was careful and insistent enough, to make sure that he would put a small, but very potent light on his bike. Finally he arrives at his destination, and heads straight to the highest part of the cliff. 

And there is where he finds Tony. Sitting on the exact same spot where they hugged after Clay listened to his side of the tape. 

“So, I hear that you’re a free man now.” 

“In more ways than one.” Tony answers, but doesn’t look back at him. His eyes are still focused on the sea of lights in front of them. 

“I was back in your house, you know? Waiting.” 

“I know.” Tony does look at him this time, and Clay is giving him a wounded-puppy look, that breaks every piece of his heart. “Look, Clay, I’m sorry for—“ 

“No.” Clay stops him, with a hand of his thigh. “You don’t have to apologize to me. I was the one who was completely out of line, Tony. I can’t even—I was completely stupid.” 

“No, but I was wrong too.”

“You are an enabler to my idiotic behavior, that’s what you are.” Clay tells him with a light humorous tone. “You always try to find something good on the stupid things I do.” 

“That’s because most of the stupid things you do are good, Clay. Or at least your intentions are.” 

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” He quotes back at Tony. 

“I thought you didn’t believe in hell.” 

“I don’t, but this is all a matter of semantics, Tony” he starts explaining, and hopes that his memory won’t fail him halfway. “What I’m saying is…is ok to call me out on my stupid shit. We don’t have to agree with each other all the time to be together.” Tony looks at him, confused but somehow…hopeful? Clay seems to pick up on his confusion of words, so he is quick to correct himself. “To be friends—best friends. So…what was I saying again?” Tony just smiles and shakes his head. He has no clue. Clay’s line of thought is as mysterious to him as the reason behind God’s actions. Confusing at first, sure, but purely magical upon a further look. “We are both…flawed individuals, right? So…we’re gonna mess things up sometimes. And sometimes…we’re going to say things that might hurt each other. But the point is…we can’t go to bed mad at each other?” he more asks than says, because really, the whole argument didn’t pan out exactly like he remembered it to be. 

Tony laughs so hard that his voice cracks a little. And the whole world be damned, if it isn’t a sight for sore eyes.“Where did you learn this? Couples counseling?” 

“Oprah.” He confesses, face blushing a little at first, but then he smiles. It’s been long, too long, since he saw Tony laughing like that. It brings him a unusual type of pleasure to be the reason behind it. “What a wise woman she is.”

He decides to play along. “What else did she taught you?” 

“Well…I learned that…a vegan diet gives you fabulous poops. That the vagina is a self cleaning oven, and you shouldn’t put anything in there, Tony.” 

Tony smiles widely at him. “Don’t worry, I won’t.” 

“What?” Clay asks, briefly confused over the reason behind such amusement, but then he remembers “Oh, right. And also, that even though God loves us all the same, he did not gave us all the same hair.” 

“You don’t have to tell me this, white boy.” His face is already starting to hurt from how hard he’s smiling, but still, he doesn’t want it to stop. Clay amuses him in a way that only someone who is equal amounts of intelligent and oblivious ever could. In other words, only Clay could ever make him feels this way. “Fuck, I missed this.” 

“What?” 

“This! Us just…together. Like this. Without an attempted murder charge hanging over our heads. Well, my head actually, but you know what I mean.” 

“Our heads! No corrections.” He says to Tony, looking as serious as a toddler trying to make a valid argument. “This affected me just as much as it did you.” 

“Clay…I was the one facing jail time.” 

“True, but if you were convicted, I was the one who was going to have to make my college application process, revolving around which Juvenile Facility you were going to be assign to. And trust me, this is not something they teach you at school.” 

Tony looks at him, completely surprised, but for all the right reasons. “You were going to do that?” 

“Yeah. What you thought I was going to do? Never see you again?” 

“I guess.” 

Clay shakes his head exaggeratedly. “You have very little faith in me, Tony Padilla. I’m hurt, actually hurt.” He fakes exaggeration just to amuse Tony, and he succeeds. He is about to say something else, when a loud beep from his phone stops him. 

“Is your mom calling?” 

Clay grabs his phone, and turns it off after that. “No, it’s just an alarm I set up on my phone.” 

“For what?” 

“For midnight.” Clay opens his backpack and takes out a rectangular shaped object, poorly wrapped with a shiny paper. “Happy birthday, Tony.” 

Clay holds the box in front of Tony, and he takes it, hands steady but heart beating so fast that he’s afraid that it will give him a fatal heart attack. At least he would go a free man. And most of all, beside the one he loves. “I thought you…” his mouth is dry, and he is unable to finish the sentence. 

“That I would forget? Again, Tony, so little faith in me.” He mocks him lightly.

He inspects the object a little, and then gives it a few experimental shakes. “What is it?” 

“Open and find out.” Is all he offers.

Tony tries to open the present carefully, but the paper is too thin, and it rips in uneven places. She he removes some bits of the paper, he can see a type of leather fabric, but very strangely shaped. “Is this…a jacket?” 

“Actually, hm, the jacket is kind of the wrapping. For the DVD.” Clay starts to explain to him “It’s an especial edition DVD of Grease. I know how much you like it, so.” 

“Clay, that’s…Thank you!” He removes the rest of the paper, so he can have a better look at the gift.

“By they way, I’m not sure if it’s a real jacket, I think is mostly decorative. But the DVD isn’t.” Clay clarifies, matter-of-factly “There are like…a lot of things on it. Aside from the movies of course.” 

“Of course.” Tony faux mocks him. 

“I mean, I know that there isn’t anything you wanted more than your freedom, but…” he shrugs, as if to say ‘I did what I could’ 

Tony turns and looks at him, so full of love and tenderness, and he knows that there is no hiding it anymore. Not when every single cell of his body is practically screaming Clay’s name like a mantra. Every single moment, of every single day. Since the first time he laid eyes on Clay, sitting alone in the corner of the class, with his face all covered with paint, too shy to ask the teacher for help to clean it up. “Actually…there is something I want more than my freedom. More than…fucking air to my lungs. Something…that I’ve been dreaming with my Whole. Damn. Life.” In a split second, amber meets blue, and the entire world around them seems to just…disappear. They just stay there, in silence, taking in all they can from the moment. Clay opens his mouth, but his voice fails him. He is too unsure to ask with his words, but Tony knows that his eyes are doing all the talking they need. So finally, he just sets the words free. “You.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ps. sorry for my mistakes. I'm tired and haven't slept in ages.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's confession doesn't go as he expected, and he ends up spending his birthday away from Clay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is brought to you by the dozens of messages I received, all asking 'for the love of God, when will they kiss?'  
> I know I'm a bit of a slowpoke, but you asked and I delivered *eventually*.   
> This isn't as long as the previous one, because I'm on a tight schedule, but hopefully it will be enough to make you all happy. 
> 
> Thank you for supporting the story so far. Your comments always bring a smile to my face.  
> Hugs and kisses 4 u all. 
> 
> <3

“You” 

The word dances in circles, inside Clay’s head. Never ending. He closes his eyes and tries to focus, replays the scene over and over, just to make sure that he didn’t get it wrong. But he didn’t. Tony poured his hear out for him to hear, and he did. Still, he wasn’t at all ready for it. Somehow, Tony wanted him not only as a friend, but as something else. Something that he wasn’t sure he was ready to offer. Maybe he would never be. Not after Hannah. Maybe some people have just one shot at real love, and his was gone with her. Drowning on a sea of red. Tainted.  
Distantly, he can hear the melody of the cicadas hiding amongst the trees. Normally, the sound would soothe him, but now it just seems alarming. Like warning bells going off, urging him to give Tony an answer, but he has none. They go silent for a few seconds, and then he desperately wishes for the white noise to come back. Clay doesn’t want to be left alone with the sound of his own thoughts, or the sound of Tony’s Adam’s Apple going up and down, from how dry his throat is. He traces around his steps leading to this moment, but still has no idea how it all came to this. Like is the result of a weird butterfly-effect scenario, and one as wild as a tornado. And he’s sitting right in the center of it’s eye. Ready to be tossed miles away.   
Tony is still staring at him, still wide eyed, but now way less hopeful than before the word escaped his plush lips. He knows now that he won’t get the answer he was hoping for. So he just sighs, and accepts defeat. Things were bound to come to this anyway. He doesn’t even know what he was hoping for.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—“ 

“When?” Clay releases a caged breath, as he finally finds the strength to speak. He inquires Tony, because really, he has a hard time understanding all this. And he desperately needs to. “Since when?” 

Tony stops, and looks at the distance. His eyes seem to focus on an imaginary point above Clay’s shoulder, as he ponders over the answer. Times passes, and Clay wants to say something, but then he smiles, like he was just graced with a fond memory from the past. “Since…that day on the woods, I guess.” He chuckles, entertaining the thought even further. “We were scared, soaking wet, and completely lost…but we were together. So it was like heaven to me.” 

The realization takes his breath away. He just recently fully remembered that day on the woods, but what he did not forget, is how long ago it was. Sometimes, it even feels like it happened in another life. One with way less death and regret. “Tony…this was like…10 years ago.” 

“More like 8, I guess. But yeah, it’s been a while.” 

“I just…I’ve never—I had no idea.” He still can’t believe just how much time Tony has had this feelings for him. It’s like it doesn’t add up. How could Tony, how could anyone one, have such strong feelings for him? 

“The reason why I’m even telling you this, is because you said ‘no more secrets’.” He says. Like he needs a valid explanation as to why he set the words free in the first play. He had been good with hiding it so far. “And…I felt like you should know, even though you clearly don’t feel the same, I just wanted…” He trails off, not sure of what was the point he was trying to make anymore. Did he even had any? “Well…the first step of solving a problem is acknowledging you have one in the first place.” 

Clay stares at him, mouth gone completely dry. “Am I…a problem to you?” 

Tony shakes his head so fast, it almost gives him whiplash “No, that’s not what I meant. Fuck!” He curses himself for making things even worse. “I just…I wanted to use humor to mask—never mind. It clearly backfired.” He concludes. This was definitely not the time to try to circle around something. He needed to go straight to the point, like an arrow. Hit it right on the center, with no space for error. “What I was trying to say is…the first step to moving on, is acknowledging your feelings, and then…realizing that they are purely one-sided.” 

“Tony…” 

“No, it’s ok. Really.” He reassures Clay, because even if he’s the one hurting, he loves Clay too much to let him feel guilty about it. “I wasn’t expecting you to return my feelings. I just…I wanted you to know. That’s all.” 

“I’m sorry, Tony, I don’t—“ 

“I know. Don’t worry.” He locks eyes with Clay, and tries to give him his best reassuring smile. “I know.” 

They go silent after that. Both boys unsure of what is the right thing to say next, or if there even is such a thing. So Clay goes back to thinking instead. He remembers finding out about Hannah’s death, and how Tony was right there, as soon as he thought Clay might need him. Remembers as well, how, even when she was still alive, how Tony and Jeff would encourage him to not give up on his feelings. A even bigger wave of confusion takes over him after that, and no matter the consequences, he has to speak. “So…why did you help me with Hannah? I mean, if you had feelings for me. Why did you?” 

Tony shrugs at that. Why he does all the numerous things he does for Clay? The answer, again, is beyond obvious, but of course Clay doesn’t get it. He is completely blind as to what goes on inside Tony’s heart. At least he used to be. Now, Tony wants to think that he might know better. “That’s what you do when you love someone, Clay. You…bend over backwards, just to make them happy. Even if you’re not the cause of it. Even if you won’t ever be.”

 

Tony’s words once again sink in, and suddenly Clay feels like there isn’t enough air around for him to breath properly. He inhales deeply, once, twice, but is not enough. His chest is tight, and his heart is compressed beyond what he can handle. It feels like it’s about to break. “You…love me?” 

“Yeah…what you thought I—“

“Tony,” Clay interrupts him, already getting up. “I…sorry, but…I need to go.” 

“What—wait, let me take you. It’s late already.” Dazed and confused, Tony tries to dissuade him. 

“No really, I’ll just ride.” Clay dismisses him somewhat gently. Or at least the closest that he can be to gentle. Things are far too confused for over analyzing now. “I…need to think. I’m sorry.” 

Tony’s shoulders fall, and he simply nods. “Ok, just…be careful.” 

 

He watches as Clay gets on his bike, and disappears as fast as he arrived there. Tony just remains sitting. Alone. Thinking that maybe this is something he just might have to get used to. He knew that telling Clay how he felt about him could possibly go extremely wrong. And it did. Clay might not have a problem with him being gay, or anyone for that matter, but knowing that Tony had feelings for him, was definitely something he could not deal with. He desperately wanted to be reading too much into it, but Clay’s reaction let very little margin from misunderstandings. He wanted space, and Tony was going to give it to him. Looking at the view in front of him one last time, he tries to convince himself that things are better this way. Him and Clay were bound to remain friends from the beginning. If something really were to happen, it would have already. It only took Hannah two months to capture Clay’s heart. Tony had almost 10 years to do the same, but still came out with nothing. It wasn’t meant to be.   
Tony makes the drive take twice the time it normally would, hoping that when he reached his destination, his family would already be in bed. Luckily, they were all sleeping when he gets home, so he won’t have to explain his epic failure to anyone. So he just makes the way to his bedroom, and crawls into bed . Alone. Thoughts of Clay and his sweet smile take over him, and he is done playing tough. He releases a pained breath, and with it, years of caged tears. He cries for 4th grade Tony, so young and hopeful, just about to fall in love with a blue-eyed boy, and seal his destiny forever.   
Because he has nothing better to do, Tony entertains the thought of making things different. What would happen if he hand’t held Clay’s hand on that day, and guided him to the bathroom, so he could wash the colorful paint off his small face? Would they have become such close friends? Maybe they wouldn’t even be friends at all. Tony shakes his head, expelling the idea. The only thing worse than not having Clay like he dreamed of, was not having Clay on his life at all. At least he gets to experience life with Clay as his best friend. This will be enough, it has to be. 

Although his eyes are sore and puffy from crying, he manages to fall asleep. It isn’t the deepest and most comforting sleep he’s ever had, but it gets the job done. He wakes up feeling only partially like shit, so he supposes he can be grateful for that. Absentmindedly, he hears a hurricane of voices coming from the backyard, and knows that his family is already up, ready for the party to start. He gets his phone to check the time, only to find out that is already noon. The barbecue probably has already started, but his mom most likely decided to let him sleep until he felt completely rested. He doesn’t think that there are enough hours on a day to erase the fatigue that the previous night caused him, so he might as well just get up.  
Looking at his phone again, he notices a unread text from Clay. He checks the time, and realizes that it was sent short after he fell asleep, so that’s probably why he missed it. 

 

‘Hey, I’m sorry for freaking out on you like that. But I want you to know that nothing will change between us. You’re still my best friend.’ 

 

Tony sighs heavily, and texts back a response. Once more he tells himself that this will be enough. Clay still thinks of him as his best friend. He can leave with that. 

 

* * *

 

“Clay, I’m almost ready!” his mom’s voice calls him from a distance. Probably from somewhere outside his room. 

He fights with his eyelids in order to open his heavy eyes. He barely managed to sleep at all, and the bright sunlight against his sensitive vision isn’t helping with his headache. Brushing his fingers against the pulsing vein on his temple, that feels big enough to have its own postal code, Clay grabs his phone to check the time. Hopefully it isn’t too late. 

He goes completely still when he sees that Tony answered his text. 

 

‘Don’t worry about it, Clay. See you Monday.’ 

 

The answer is short and amiable, but his anxiety won’t let it go without overanalyzing it. Clay stares at his phone, trying to decide if he should send Tony another text. Maybe one a little bit longer, trying to explain that he was caught off guard, and needed some time to think about things. In the end, he decides against the idea. He can barely make a coherent point when talking to someone face to face, let alone through a text message. He didn’t want to leave Tony alone like that, especially on his birthday, but he didn’t know what else to do. Things were still too confused for him to make sense of them.

“Clay, are you ready?” his mom asks him from where she’s standing, near the doorframe, all dressed up on her best informal attire, and present already in hand. She analyzes his appearance, the bags under his eyes, and the fact that he’s still in bed, but decides not to mention it. At least not for now. “Tony’s parents are waiting for us.” 

“Hm…I’m not…I don’t think I’m going, mom.” 

“You’re not going to Tony’s birthday?” Still unsure of his own decision, he shakes his head lightly. “Your best friend Tony, that was found not guilty yesterday. You’re not going to his party?”

“It’s just…I think I’m sick, or something. I don’t feel really good.” Clay tells her, trying his best with the lie, but failing it completely. 

“That’s ok, Clay. I can tell them this, and I’ll be convincing enough for them to believe me.” She gets in, and closes the door behind her, signing that it’s time to have some sort of serious conversation “But you’re not convincing enough for me to believe you. What’s wrong?” 

 

“Mom…Tony, he…you know that Tony is gay, right?” he starts, already somewhat off topic. 

“I believe Lucia mentioned to me before, why?” 

He still not ready to say…whatever it is that she thinks that he is going to say, so instead, he tries to test the waters. “Do you think, like…that is wrong or weird to be…gay?” 

“Not at all, Clay. I think is as normal and valid as anything else. Why?” she asks, more gentle this time. Clay is definitely trying to tell her something, but is having a hard time coping with it himself. “Did something happen between the two of you?”

“Yes?” his words are a mixture of question and affirmation, and even he is confused by it. “Tony, he…he said…something to me. Yesterday.” 

Lainie puts the present on the bed, and sits beside Clay. Tony moved up the pieces faster than she thought he would, but it isn’t all bad. She can work with this. “He told you about his feelings?” 

Clay stares at her, wide eyed. “How did you know?” 

“Clay…I think you were the only one who didn’t know, sweetheart.” 

Clay finally lets his frustration go. “Mom, how can I be this stupid?” he asks her, because apparently he was the only person in the whole city that had no clue about Tony’s feelings. “I mean…I was hurting him this whole time, mom.” 

“Clay, you’re not stupid. And yes, maybe it did hurt him, but you didn’t do it intentionally.” 

“It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t intentional, mom. All that matters is that it happened.” He tells her, feeling even more angry at himself than he was before. “Besides, you said everyone knows, but me. If this isn’t being stupid…” he trails off. 

“The problem is, you were too close to notice.” She tells him, trying to ease his guilt and resentment with himself. “And even though he might have confessed his…romantic love for you, he still loved you as a friend. And sometimes is easy to confuse things.” 

“I don’t know what to do, mom.” He hides his face with both hands, completely lost. “I don’t know what to say to him.” 

“Do you want to say something to him?” 

“I have to. He said he loved me, mom. Love.” He repeats, with the proper vocalization this time. “I have to say something to him.” 

“Clay…sometimes is just better not to say anything. Silence is already enough of an answer.” 

“But if I don’t say anything, then…then he will think that I don’t…” 

“Clay,” She makes a point of pausing, so he will have the time to look at her. “Do you like Tony?” Clay’s mouth hangs open, no words ready to come out, so she takes the cue to explain her question even further. “Do you like Tony the same way he likes you?” 

“I…I don’t know, mom.” 

Lainie caresses his cheek, and then lets her hand rest on his shoulder, to reassure him. “I will tell you a little secret, Clay. When I met your father, I wasn’t really sure of my feelings for him as well. I couldn’t just give him hope, and then just…take it away from him. And in this aspect, you and I are very similar. We both need to be sure.” 

“What did you do then?” He asks, hoping that the answer will somehow be helpful to his case. 

“The worst thing possible.” She confesses, still embarrassed of her lack of attitude. “I completely shut him out.” 

Clay stares at her, and shakes his head repeatedly. “Is this your advice, mom? Really?” 

“If you let me finish, you will get the point.” She tells him, with a serious tone, but not a harsh one. “I was a coward, and completely ignored your father. And it was really unfair and messed up, but it was what I did. But your father was patient, and the more I tried to be away from him, the more he pulled me in.” She goes on, knowing that she has Clay’s full attention. “And then we got together, and went through so many problems after that, but it only made us stronger, Clay.” 

“Mom…I don’t understand” he shakes his head, feeling beyond frustrated with this whole pointless conversation. “How is this supposed to help?” 

“Clay,” She holds his face with both hands, so he will look at her. “If you find someone that would go trough hell and back for you, and that you would do the same for, the rest is just…the rest. You have all you need.” Lainie kisses his forehead and releases her grip on his face. “Think about it, ok?” 

 

* * * 

 

Tony is happy to let all the excitement of his family members take his mind away from Clay. They all want to celebrate the fact that he just turned 18, and most of all, that he won’t have to celebrate the date, and many following ones in prison. The backyard is packed with people, and they all take turns in congratulating him. His cousin Antonia was there too, still trying her best to win him over. Poor girl, still had no idea about what was really going on. She stops him to talk, and uses all the familiar moves, from excessive touching to hair flipping, to try and calls his attention. The conversation drags, so he makes a point of casually slipping something about ‘his ex boyfriend’, so she’ll get the clue. It takes a couple os seconds, but she does take the hint, and eventually ends their conversation. Coming out never felt more like a public service than now. But she needed to move on, and apparently, so did he.   
The party was going for a couple or hours already, and still no sign of Clay. Tony didn’t know what would upset him the most. Seeing Clay, and enduring the probable awkward moment that would come with it, or knowing that he didn’t even bothered to come at all. Both scenarios were enough to ruin the overall good atmosphere around.   
His only comfort was the fact that his dad grilled meat like no one else, and he savors the taste of it like it was the first time. The possibly of being in jail for years does put a lot of things in perspective. Now he knows to enjoy more the simple things in life. Not that he was ungrateful before, this was never the case with him. He always appreciated everything that it was given to him, no matter how simple. But now, he knew that even the simplest of things, could mean the world, if given the proper dimension. 

“Hey, I was meaning to ask you…how were things with your boy yesterday?” His older brother asks him, with a mouthful of juicy red meat. 

“Por favor, déjame. I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“That bad, uh?” Tony nods, trying to focus on his plate, still full of food. “So…he isn’t coming today?” 

“Looks that way.” 

“—Cause his mom is right there.” Miguel tells him, pointing at Lainie, talking to their mom. “You should ask her about it.” 

Tony takes his brother’s advice and travels trough the sea of people, until he reaches Lainie. She gives him a bright smile, and a comforting hug, as soon as she sees him.

“Happy Birthday, Tony! I brought this for you.” She hands him the present, and he takes it, awkwardly. She already did enough for him. In fact, this whole celebration was only possible because of her, so really, he should be the one giving her a present. 

“You really should’t have.” Lucia tells her. “You’ve done so much for us already, Lainie. I can’t even begin to thank you.” 

“Well, you could give me the recipe of that fabulous cake you baked last time I was here.” She tells Lucia, with a smile.

“You can wait here and I will get it for you.” Lucia says, and soon after disappears from their sight. 

Tony sees this as the perfect opportunity to ask Lainie about Clay, but she beats him to it. “He wasn’t feeling well, Tony. That’s why he couldn’t come.” She gives him another smile, but a more motherly one this time. “But he wanted to. He told me so.” 

“That’s fine.” Tony lies, holding back tears. “We can see each other in school.” 

“You should call him tomorrow.” She advises him, trying to sound as neutral as possible on the matter. “He’s still grounded, but if he’s feeling better, I can make an exception.” 

“I will. Thanks, Mrs. Jensen.” 

The rest of the party goes by smoothly, and he finds himself even having fun for a while. Miguel and Marco make a bet that, if one of them scores a date with Maria, the prettiest girl in the neighborhood, the loser will to both of their chores for a whole month. They are both extremely cocky, and very confident that one of them will manage to complete the task. In the end, she dismisses them both, and the whole family laughs at the fiasco. Tony guesses that Maria isn’t really that loose like everyone says she is, and after she put his brothers in place, he likes her even more.  
The sun goes down, and with it, people start saying their goodbyes and going home. Only a few family members stay behind, listening to old songs, and talking way too loud for the time it is. Tony says his goodbyes to the remaining of his birthday entourage and goes back inside.

He’s about to call it a night, and try to sleep, when his phone beeps a couple of times. He sees Clay’s name on the screen, and it’s immediately alarmed by the content of his text. 

 

‘I need you to come to my house. It’s an emergency.’ 

 

The word emergency jumps out of the screen, like on a popup card. Tony doesn’t waste any time with long explanations, so he just tells his parents that something came up, and he needs to see Clay. They don’t intervene, so he’s inside of the car, and out of the house within seconds.   
He drives as fast as he can, and luckily is late enough for the traffic to be almost non-existent. His mind is bubbling with a thousand possible scenarios for Clay to send such a desperate message. The worst of them being that something has happened to him, and he is hurt. When he finally gets there, only 15 minutes after the initial contact, he parks in front of Clay’s house and sends him a text, to let him know that he’s outside. He waits and waits, but Clay doesn’t text him back. He looks at Clay’s window, and can only see a very faint light, that is most likely from his bed side lamp.   
Tony’s nerves get the best of him, so he decides to get in the room through the window. If Clay was in some type of trouble, he couldn’t be wasting time waiting outside without doing anything.   
He climbs the window, only to find Clay sitting on his bed, with his phone right beside him. Whatever this is he doesn’t like it. Especially because the dim light reveals very little of Clay’s figure from him to do a proper inspection. 

“Clay, what’s happening? You said it was an emergency. Are you hurt?” He grabs his phone and shines it on Clay’s face, looking for possible injuries, or anything that can help him understand what is going on. But he finds nothing conclusive. “I don’t see—did something happened with Lilly? Is there something wrong with the case?” He asks Clay, but he just stares back, unblinkingly. “Clay, you’re scaring me. Say something.” Tony pleads. 

“I…no. Everything is ok with the case. With Lilly too, I think.” He tells Tony, completely immerse in the little he can see of his honey eyes. 

“So why—you said it was an emergency, Clay.” Tony finally allows himself to take a proper breath. “I fucking rushed over here, I thought—you almost gave me a fucking heart attack, Clay.” 

“I’m sorry, I just…I wanted to see you on your birthday.” 

Tony’s soft heart wants to melt at that, but a bitter part of himself speaks louder this time. “There was a party for me. You didn’t show.” 

“I know, I’m sorry.” He curses himself under his breath for yet another apology. Instead of just saying sorry all the time, he should just stop doing stupid things. Tony must be sick and tired of it already. “But is not midnight yet. We still have time.” 

“Time for what?” he asks, with the same bitter tone. 

“I wanted to…to give you something.” 

“Clay, you already gave me a present.” 

“No.” He shakes his head. “Not what you really wanted.” 

Clay ends the distance between them, and within seconds he mines Tony’s personal space like a cannonball. Tony doesn’t even have the proper time to fully comprehend what is happening, because Clay’s lips are pressed against his. His whole body is pressed against Tony’s, and he welcomes the invasion like is the best thing to ever happen to him. And it probably is. Tony has dreamed about this very moment for years, but in all his dreams, he never once imagined that Clay would be the one to make the first move. Clay kissing him like that, like he wanted him just as intensively, was beyond Tony’s wildest dreams. His shy and wonderful best friend, that now was probably seconds away from becoming something else entirely. Something that he couldn’t wait to find out what it was.   
He feels a jolt of electricity spreading through his body, and the force is enough to bring him to his knees. But for once, someone else is holding him this time. Clay has both hands pressing against his waist, not really forcing him there, but just holding enough so he won’t float miles away. His body feels like it weighs nothing, so he just might.  
He shifts a little, as a small moan escapes his lips, and it gives Clay enough leverage to deepen the kiss. And if Tony thought that he knew what temptation was before, he simply couldn’t be more wrong. He endured years of wanting Clay, without ever being able to act on his desires. But now, with Clay on his arms, lips linked and bodies completely intertwined, it was talking all his willpower to control himself. Still, he had to keep in mind that this was all foreign territory to Clay, and they needed to take things slowly.

Is only when Tony’s back finds the wall, that he realizes they’ve been unconsciously moving towards it this whole time. He is trapped between the solid block, and Clay’s body, and he never felt more in place on his entire life. 

Against all that their bodies were saying, Tony forces himself to break the kiss slowly, so he can know what is going through Clay’s mind. He needs to reassure Clay that they don’t have to rush things, and more than anything else, he needs the reassurance that this is all happening in the first place. That this isn’t him, daydreaming about things he can never have. “Clay, slow down, ok? We don’t have to do it all at once.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t—I thought you wanted it…” 

“Clay, I want to. Believe me.” He tells Clay, trying to be emphatic enough without revealing the totality of his state. “But…there’s no rush, ok? We do things your way.” 

“If we were doing things my way, we would still be kissing.” He shots back, feeling a rush of confidence after his move was successful. “Just saying.” 

“Who are you, and what you did with my Clay?” he mocks him a little, and gets a shy look in response. “Not that I’m complaining or anything, but…how was that an emergency?” 

“It was to me.” Clay tells him, with his mouth still hanging open, and panting lightly. Tony traces the outline of Clay’s swollen lips with his thumb, and he smiles shyly. “I…desperately needed to know how it would feel…to kiss you.” 

“And how was it?” Clay’s response comes in the form of a violently bright blush, and he hides his face on the crook of Tony’s neck, his warm breath sending shivers down Tony’s spine. He wants to cry from how happy he is, but he can do that some other time. Now, all he wants is to kiss Clay again. “That good, uh?” he teases Clay once more, simply because he is dying to see his blushing face again. And soon after, he gets the chance. Clay looks as red as a ripe tomato. “You look so fucking beautiful when you blush, Clay.” 

“Stop. You’re doing this on purpose.” Clay complains, shaking his head, to take his mind away from Tony’s words, and how dizzy they make him feel. “I know you are.” 

“Maybe, but it does’t change the fact that is all true.” 

Tony takes the lead this time, and kisses him again. The difference in height makes for a bit of a challenge, but is one he’s more than happy to take. He rests one of his hands on the back of Clay’s neck, and teases the skin underneath his fingertips. Clay’s body mets into the touch, and a small moan escapes his lips, and Tony knows he found one of his weak spots. Hopefully he would know them all one day. Tony wanted to please him in every possible way. 

This time, Clay is to one to break the kiss. But, if the way he looks serves as any indication, disheveled and completely intoxicated, Tony thinks that all he wants is to take a decent breath. So he lets him. God knows he could use one too. 

“Um…the kiss…” Clay circlers around the topic, still too shy to ask Tony directly. “Was is—how was it?” 

“It felt just…right.” Tony tells him, after stealing a small kiss from the corner os his lips. “Like God is sitting in this room with us.” 

Clay twists his face a little, like the idea isn’t that amusing to him, and Tony laughs. “Could you ask him to leave, though? I’m way too shy to have an audience.” 

“Your wish is my command.” He says, as if it the words were part of a magical spell. “So…what we do now, Jensen?” 

The question hangs in the air, and they both ponder over their options. 

“I don’t know, Padilla.” Clay trails off, smiling from ear to ear, thinking of what to say next. “We kissed, and we’re definitely compatible. I think we can have kids now.” He says, referring to an old joke that Tony made months ago. 

Tony doesn’t think that is possible to be this happy, but apparently it is. Yesterday he didn’t even know if Clay would ever feel the same way, and now here he is, talking about kids. Deep down, he knows that Clay is joking, but the thought warms his heart even so. “I think you are skipping a lot of steps, Clay. Like…a whole life worth of things that we still have to do. So let’s keep this thought on hold. For now.” 

“Your wish is my command.” He mimics Tony, making him smile even more. 

Tony is about to say something, when his phone rings inside his pocket. The ringtone belongs to his mom, so he doesn’t even have to check to see who it is. “My mom is calling. She must be worried, I didn’t say much before leaving.” Tony holds the phone and looks at the screen. He should probably get that. “She’s probably wondering when I’m getting home.” 

“You really have too?” Clay asks him, surprised at how soft his voice sounds. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard himself talking like that. 

“I guess I could stay, if it’s what you want.” Clay nods, and Tony stares at his incredibly blue eyes. He gets so immerse in the moment that he even forgets what they were talking in the first place. Clay gives him a little eskimo kiss, to call his attention, and smiles when Tony is finally out of his haze. Tony responds by gently holding his chin in place, and pressing his lips to Clay’s. He would do anything for that boy. “I don’t want to force you to do anything, Clay.” 

“You’re not. I want you to stay.” Clay reassures him.

“Are you sure?” 

“I am.” Clay dives into his personal space once more, and gives him a kiss that, although brief, is intense enough to take Tony’s breath away. “I have all I need.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spoiler for the next chapter: the boys will go on a date!!! 
> 
> ^ o ^

**Author's Note:**

> Edit:some of you kept asking about my tumblr, so you could talk to me more directly or send me headcanons, I guess. Just like Clay, it went completely over my head, and I forgot to include it. But here it is, in case you want to contact me for any reason.
> 
> http://theindigorose.tumblr.com  
> <3


End file.
